Mr. & Ms Right

Re: Mr. & Ms Right

^ Yeah, I've seen hijabis in the ME wear knee length skirts with no tights nothing, may have been some weird sect or something tho, I know there are some Muslims who have actually banned hijab for their women and don't allow it at all.

Also, plenty of young girls will wear hijab around their family and then take it off soon as they are out of sight or on their way to school. A friend of mine once 'pulled' a hijabi working in a shop by writing his number on the back of a fifty pound note and reckons he slept with her that very same night. Dunno if the last bit is true but I was with him when she called his mobile and asked to meet up. There are good and bad everywhere, regardless of how they are dressed imo.

Dear friend mama-of-3, i think you ave jumped to conclusions from my post.

I know its was a heavy post. But i only emphazized the ideal solution. Ideal is alway hard to do//attain/acheive.
Also i am not from pindi, that is a fake id. Im born and bred west desi like u.
and I am also not narrow-minded. I do not force anybody to wear hijab the same way i dont like people forcing me to forgoe my clean shave and adopt a beard.

I respect what you said about you being reserved and having minimal male friends and not working.
You are praiseworthy for that, as you are already observing the intention aspect of hijab i emphazied. There r 2 parts to hijab:

-body cover
-mental awarenss/intention of hijab

If you read my post carefully i did not at all, say to every girl they should adopt burka or undermine those that dont.

I tried to give a full, broad definition and overall reason for Hijab.

Which in-coopearted due respect for all those who observe any part of it.

I do not say on first glance a girl who has physcial hijab walking on the street is better than a girl who is walking with a normal jeans and shirt.

I know girls who wear 'burka' and head-scarf but also have bf.s who they do shameless acts with.
I know muslim girls who do not wear burka, but who r still known as decent, chaste, respectable girls.

In your example, it seems u do not observe the complete hijab, but your intention is right, you are aware of the limits in interaction with opposite sex, which is the main thing of course.

But we as humans are flawed, we are also vulnerabale to the temptations and whispers of shaytan.
Basically all im saying is that if a girl has a problem getiting the wrong kind male attention every time (which a lot of girls do), it would help her reduce this attention if she dealth with/concealed the part that was causing it.

Some girls get thier lifes ruined by mistakes. Coming from a male perspective, a complete head-cover conceals/reduces the beauty of a womens face by atleast 50%.

And if your beauty is becoming a tribulation for you...^ worth a look at.

Personally im only moderetly religious. I hope nobody thinks of me as a molvi or something...cos thats the least image i want to have.

Any-way mi posts r geting too long..

This is last big one. Promise.
2 mcuh energy consuming these r.

OK hope maybe i helped a bit/

Im out of life1.

I know that in Saudi women are required to cover their hear and wear a full length abaaya or veil (at least when I lived there) . And while some Arab women wear mini-skirts under their veils.......at least they are fully covered when going outside. But what I saw at the Eid Prayer (strappy/partly backless gown) with hijab on the top blew my mind away.

I feel that if you can't respect hijab....then just don't wear it until you have a stronger grasp/understanding of what hijab stands for. Cuz I've seen girls who don't wear hijab.....do a better job of maintaining their modesty than a few hijabans who don't understand why they are covering their hair in the first place.

Re: Mr. & Ms Right

Oh, not Saudi, this was in the Kuwait, my Dad said some women in Iraq used to dress that way as well. I know Saudi and other Arab women can and do wear skimpy clothes under their abaayas but they are still covered. Strappy gown and hijab is bizarre lol

Re: Mr. & Ms Right

ok hijab means u have to cover ur hairs or your self from Na-Mahrams...i can wear Hajab...

but i have seen many girls who wear Hijab..they respect Hijab..but in thier homes they dont wear front of thier cousins or like BIL...or servent...

agar Na-Mehram se hijab karna hai to Na-mehram sirf wo to nahi jo Ghar se bahar hain/?? baki itne sare log bhi to Na-mehram hain...

not saying any thing againts aby Hijabians..because i havnt seen any girl who disrespect Hijab...but what is say above ^ about Na-mahram at home..that thing really bugging me.....m i wrong or someone else also think like me ??

I knew i was asking for trouble posin like that:

Sorry what i meant was by: 'stayin indoors cookign and being housewife', was in correspondence to 1400 years ago, when women didnt need much to go out, resulting in lower social problems.

Todays day, i assert women do have a greater need to go out and be independant, to work, infact in certain cases women are encouraged to work.

and yes, i agree if you have not got atleast 50% of inner modesty and awareness of why you are wearing hijab, you might aswell not wear it.
Apart from the head-scarf being farz for girls, i do not think there is mcuh point in exposing outwardly extreme religiouness if your heart is nowhere near it.

I dont pray 5 times a day, if i kept a beard, i feel it would be hypocritical.

And yes i am more than well aquainted with the many saudi-but not-what the seem-hijaban types.

If i unintentionnaly offended any girl here i apologzie for that. I hope people who know me know that im not judgemental or of that type mindeset.

I more than agree with the fact there are many non-hijaban girls who are more pious than the hijaban counter-part.s

Piety comes first from the heart. The heart is indeed what is first looked in.

Thankuuuu

That was very nicely put Amir :k:

Re: Mr. & Ms Right

Back ON TOPIC guys though.............How did U choose ur partner, those given the liberty to make that choice ?

Bit in bold is desi culture, we often see our male cousins like brothers and a lot are brought up alongside them. Really living altogether in an extended family in one house (unless it's a massive one with seperate entrances or something or they live on seperate floors) is **not **Islamic, isn't BIL meant to be 'death' or something. It makes sense I mean if a person wants to have an affair isn't it often with someone who is in close proximity like BIL or SIL. I feel sorry for women who have to wear hijab/jilbaab or be covered all day (esp in the Summer!) when they are doing housework and stuff cos BILs etc are living with them. It is ridiculous that a woman cannot 'let her hair down' and relax in what is meant to be her home.

i understand what u r saying...and i understand the situation of joint family...even if they are like our brothers or if like our desi culture we call them BHAI...but they are still Na-mahrams...

Re: Mr. & Ms Right

Nobody interferes in my life story

However i think i chose rite people

just made it too late to tell themm

heehee

A na-mahram is a na-mahram whether they live under the same roof as you or not.

And the rule is that hijab is to be worn around na-mahrams.

I just feel that if a person is going to wear hijab....then it should be followed properly. If not.....then don't. Also, while hijab offers protection to an extent....a woman also has to rely on her aqqal when dealing with temptations or making decisions that affect her modesty and reputation.

True, but a lot of people don't see it that way..

Also, I know a lot of girls from 'back home' have affairs (and even end up marrying like one of my cousins looool) with their private tutors. I mean isn't it weird parents don't allow their daughters to mix with boys but being alone with a male teacher is apparently ok. Also, when they end up getting married ppl don't think 'oh, what a perv, what was he doing when he was meant to be teaching my daugher??'

Re: Mr. & Ms Right

Amir...no worries, you are a very insightful and considerate person from what we can see here. When you live in the east, the considerations and conditions of purdah and modesty are vastly different from when you live in the west - you understand and accept this which is an admirable thing!

ok so back to the topic at hand...how to know whether you have met Mr or Ms "right"...

you share the same desires, wants and hopes for your future (as far as kiddies, how to educate and raise them, how many to have). You share many interests and even if there are un-shared interests, you find that interesting and want to know more. You admire everything about the person, you like them personally. You share views on family values ie., when and how often to visit in-laws (on both sides!) you care about what your partner's family thinks about you, you go to lengths to ensure that they accept you and vice-versa. In short, a relationship where at the start, each admires and respects the other and over the long term, truly cares and loves the other.

True love takes time for sure. But a solid and concrete foundation of understanding is really important...IMHO.

Re: Mr. & Ms Right

In my case Sheyn it was the following things :

He was as direct as direct could get ! no sweet talk what so ever … in the beginning i used to get hurt as well ! ( every girl expects some kind of sweet talk :cb: ) he never hid his shortcomings , he had alot of maturity in conversations .. when the time came to make the decision, I felt I knew him so well, he was honest with me , somewhere in my heart i knew i could count on him in thick and thin…

That time my serious fears were :what if he has no sense of humour ! I even suspected he was no longer young at heart ! … :hinna:

I closely observed how he deals with the people he loves , his parents , his siblings , his closest friends … I felt he wasnt being led by them , neither was he leading them, he commanded the respect and love he got through his caring ways… and I instantly felt a level of comfort with him.. I knew I will be in safe hands .. :@:

Sheyn only after our relationship was formalised , he showed me his softer side , he is a really humourous guy mashallah .. I asked him why he was so reserved before and he often tells me that he didnt want to flirt or become too frank before a formal relationship was established :hayaa:

Moral of the story I gathered is : if i had looked for “things i want in a man” , I wouldnt have chosen him… but I was lucky I started thinking along the lines of “how he makes me feel” …that helped me make the right choice Alhamdullillah.

Re: Mr. & Ms Right

^ koi lecture jhaarney kee zaroorat nahee hai!

Re: Mr. & Ms Right

Lecture dainay par koi pabandi nahin hai.....nahin parna to mat paro. Koi zabardasti nahin.

Fax , you creep, did you just call my note a lecture ??? :eek:

throwing a tantrum

You are revealing my trade secrets. So I had to silence you.

Re: Mr. & Ms Right

All I gotta say is...watch him carefully and how he deals with people. The people closest to him, do they have good things to say about him? Would they marry their sisters off to this guy? Why and why not? :)