Hey guppies,
Inshallah I’ll be getting married next year, Ive been engaged for over a year now.
My fiance is my cuzins son and we really get along, and after we get married ill be moving to Pakistan, Ill be coming back to England every year as they have a house out here and they come here every year for holidays.
I was wondering if any of you girls could give me some advice…
thanks i would really appreciate
from a lil bit scared but happy guppy.. <3
Re: Moving to Pakistan..!
hi aali.m,
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding....ummm I am from uk also and I dont know how you are going to do it, but I would never be able to move to pakistan having been brought up and breed here. Where abouts in pak are you moving to?
For a start, I wouldnt be able to leave my family and live so far away from them, but I suppose that depends on how strong you are because I am not. On the other hand if you really love someone then you are happy to move anywhere with them:)...I wish you happiness in the future with married lifexxx
Hi girly!
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
The whole wedding planning-process can be stessful at times but also alot of fun! 
So you’re moving to Pakistan. Is that final yet or are you still contemplating?
Make sure that you really thing things through (if you haven’t already) as moving to another country can be challenging especially if you’re moving from a european country to an asian.
Sometimes we don’t have much choice and life throws us into situations where we just have to be accept it and make the most of it. But this can be also be a huge experience. One that not many people get. You really get to test your stength and your ability to adapt and learn. Believe me I know.
I was born and bred in UK and I’ve lived in Pakistan, Australia, USA, Dubai,
Japan and South Africa. For me the experience has been challenging at times but overall it’s been amazing and I’ve grown tremendously as a person.
If you feel like talking to someone who’s been in your situation please feel free to pm me. I have a lot of experience to share 
Re: Moving to Pakistan..!
Hi aali. Its good to c that u r doing this move happily, and if u keep a positive attitude, i think u will find life there treats u well, inshallah.
Its also in your favour that u will b coming back every year, so its not like u r completely cut off from yr family.
Bear in mind that life is an ongoing experience, so if u do find that u prefer england after giving it a good go in pk, u can always speak to your husband and trial settling in uk for u both.
Re: Moving to Pakistan..!
congratulations :)
i think the fact that your fiance is family and you get on well should be a huge advantage for you.
my fiance also lives in pakistan but he will be moving here to the UK (or we will move together elsewhere depending on his job situation) when we get married. there is never any way i would settle in pakistan, nor would my parent's allow it really. but then, he never wanted to spend the rest of his life there either.
i would say that it takes a really strong person to be able to go from here and be happy and survive there (mentally, not physically). either that or the family the girl is marrying into has to be unbelievably nice and accommodating. one of my cousin's moved to pak after getting married, her mum thought it would be perfect for her as her family are really pakistani even though they were born and live here. she was only 19 and her mum taught her all the 'important stuff' (lol) like perfect cooking and how to behave and what to say and not to say. 4 years on my cousin is happy and living her life but she wishes she hadn't got married so young and really misses England, she doesn't feel Pakistan is what she expected it to be. Her mum is always crying about the situation too. It's not even that bad but still for a girl from here it was a huge change. but at the end of the day she's happy coz her husband is really supportive and they really care for each other. she also comes to England every year to spend some time with her parents and they go there to visit her too. i think it would be really difficult if she didn't have that.
i have another cousin who spent most of her life in PK and moved to the UK when she was 19. she got married in PK a couple of years ago and shifted there, only to come back after less than 2 years with her hubs joining her after some time. her opinion was that even though she grew up there, after living in England it was just too hard to adjust to that kind of life, especially married life and that she would prefer her kids to be bought up here.
anyway, sorry for the negative-ish stories. i'm sure there are lots of good ones too and other posters can give you some excellent advice on how to cope with life there.
Re: Moving to Pakistan..!
my fiance and i will also be moving to lahore DHA, after we get married, but i really don't see a problem with that, and i feel like people make a big deal out of nothing, if you love your husband and he loves you, who cares where you live. me and him are gonna work here in america for some years and then make our apt on top of his parents home, and i truly can't wait for it. to me its not that big of difference, the only thing i don't want to deal with are the people. but whatever it is i can't wait to live with him in pk!!!
i truly think you'll be fine, there are so many places to hand out, and eat,and shop. But if you are going to be negative about it then yes, your gonna have a really sucky time, just go have fun with your hubby, make trips all around pk, just enjoy!!!
and btw congrats!!!!!
my fiance and i will also be moving to lahore DHA, after we get married, but i really don't see a problem with that, and i feel like people make a big deal out of nothing, if you love your husband and he loves you, who cares where you live. me and him are gonna work here in america for some years and then make our apt on top of his parents home, and i truly can't wait for it. to me its not that big of difference, the only thing i don't want to deal with are the people. but whatever it is i can't wait to live with him in pk!!!
i truly think you'll be fine, there are so many places to hand out, and eat,and shop. But if you are going to be negative about it then yes, your gonna have a really sucky time, just go have fun with your hubby, make trips all around pk, just enjoy!!!
and btw congrats!!!!!
that's it right there. unfortunately you can't really get away from and not deal with 'people'. living in pakistan everyone is constantly scrutinising and critiscing every aspect of one another's lives and it's just too much for a lot of people who are used to the way of life in the west.
ami123: thanks for the reply..! Well i think i need to be strong to get through, but im sure my family will help me i just dnt wnt leave mum n dad :(
ill be moving to D.H.A lahore.
twinklee: omg i have traveled girl all around the world thats great! i will defo pm when i have some questions
americandesi: omg im moving there aswell! might c u around..! when r u moving there?
that's it right there. unfortunately you can't really get away from and not deal with 'people'. living in pakistan everyone is constantly scrutinising and critiscing every aspect of one another's lives and it's just too much for a lot of people who are used to the way of life in the west.
yeh thats what im abit worried about it, because im really not like that so im guna get so annoyed with that, what is the best way to deal with those situations? im really crap of thinking of clever things to say at the time it usually comes to me like 5 mins later ...
first congrats hun i got married in pakistan last dec n seriously i m having gr8 time,its just that i missed my family alot thats the only sad thing about me moving here was,otherwise its fun
who told you guys that in pakistan every one is always scrutinising and critiscing seriously come back for a while to ur own homeland its not wat it use to be when ur folks left it
first congrats hun i got married in pakistan last dec n seriously i m having gr8 time,its just that i missed my family alot thats the only sad thing about me moving here was,otherwise its fun who told you guys that in pakistan every one is always scrutinising and critiscing seriously come back for a while to ur own homeland its not wat it use to be when ur folks left it
no one told us. i go there first hand and experience it. doesn't matter whether you go to a big city or to a village, people are generally the same. they make each other's lives miserable with all the gossip and backbiting. no one is ever happy for someone's else's achievement, they just want to out-do each other and put the other person down. most people (especially the women) just spend 99% of their time preoccupied with what everyone else is thinking about them and their family. you're very lucky if you have managed to avoid this so far.
anyway this is going slightly off-topic i think.
aali.m i wouldn't change yourself to 'deal' with these situations and people. just stay how you are! i get really annoyed too, at home i wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut but the best policy over there is just to ignore everything. people might say you're simple and don't know anything (in terms of how to act) but it's better than the alternative.
it also really depends on your family. if the family that you're marrying into (and the rest of your family and their family friends) aren't like this then you'll be fine and don't have anything to worry about :)
no one told us. i go there first hand and experience it. doesn't matter whether you go to a big city or to a village, people are generally the same. they make each other's lives miserable with all the gossip and backbiting. no one is ever happy for someone's else's achievement, they just want to out-do each other and put the other person down. most people (especially the women) just spend 99% of their time preoccupied with what everyone else is thinking about them and their family. you're very lucky if you have managed to avoid this so far. anyway this is going slightly off-topic i think.
aali.m i wouldn't change yourself to 'deal' with these situations and people. just stay how you are! i get really annoyed too, at home i wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut but the best policy over there is just to ignore everything. people might say you're simple and don't know anything (in terms of how to act) but it's better than the alternative. it also really depends on your family. if the family that you're marrying into (and the rest of your family and their family friends) aren't like this then you'll be fine and don't have anything to worry about :)
trust me everywhere you go people gossip you cant escape it,for once can someone say anything nice about their homeland its sad really that people will just grossly generalize
no one told us. i go there first hand and experience it. doesn't matter whether you go to a big city or to a village, people are generally the same. they make each other's lives miserable with all the gossip and backbiting. no one is ever happy for someone's else's achievement, they just want to out-do each other and put the other person down. most people (especially the women) just spend 99% of their time preoccupied with what everyone else is thinking about them and their family. you're very lucky if you have managed to avoid this so far. anyway this is going slightly off-topic i think.
aali.m i wouldn't change yourself to 'deal' with these situations and people. just stay how you are! i get really annoyed too, at home i wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut but the best policy over there is just to ignore everything. people might say you're simple and don't know anything (in terms of how to act) but it's better than the alternative. it also really depends on your family. if the family that you're marrying into (and the rest of your family and their family friends) aren't like this then you'll be fine and don't have anything to worry about :)
And i thought that only happened to me!
I think it definitely depends on the people who u r going to live with. Generally i find that Islamabadians r better to live amongst, no experience of lahore.
If u do haev problems with ppl saying things which provoke a response from u that will lower u to their level, its best to totally ignore them and continue striving your best for yourself and hubby.
My cousin in Canada moved to Pakistan for six months...the house she lived in was pretty luxurious and she didn't have to cook or clean at all as they have 2 naukers who have lived with their family for a very long time. However, once the novelty of the lifestyle wears off, it can get very boring. She is a very independent type of person, has been working since she was a teenager, and used to going whereever she wants when she feels like. And in Pakistan, it's totally different, i never saw a single woman just hanging out alone in the bazaar like we are able to do here. Also, she is very athletic and it was hard for her to find that outlet...like no swimming, no skateboarding, no tennis. Even if you're a guy, other men will gawk at your legs if you wear shorts.
Only 3 cities in Pakistan are sort of modern (Rwp, Lhr, and Khi) but even then living there and visiting is a big difference. My parents were really into the idea of me getting married there (as i was considering med school there anyway) but after seeing my cousin's typical bright demeanor become so dim, they realized that they themselves would have a hard time adjusting. See it is a lot easier to adjust to more options (ex. US) then less (Pak).
Sometimes I still would like to try living in Pak, after all my parents grew up there. I think the most important thing is to try to keep yourself as busy and involved as possible. Try to think of what you will do to occupy yourself over there. If cooking and cleaning are taken care of, then will you have a 'life'? Can you deal with not being able to go out when you like, where you want? Maybe a way to get used to this is make yourself not leave the house unless accompanied by a family member...this way you won't get annoyed when you're in Pak.
Re: Moving to Pakistan..!
^ see thats the one thing i dont think i can ever adjust to, is the lack of independence, its taken me yeras to gain all this freedom (with the responsibilities) and i dont think i'd trade my independence for anything.
yes the people 's habits there are a problem. i dont know if i would be able to do it. my fiance talks about moving to pakistan for a little while after marriage because he doesnt want to raise his kids out here totally. sometimes i get nightmares that when we are in paksiant he will end up sayign oh you know what i dont want ot go back now ever ok? and that i will get locked up inj thier house.
Re: Moving to Pakistan..!
Maybe its different from city to city... but in Karachi those ladies who want that "independance" are prettey successful in getting it. I mean I was there for a whole year, and for a couple of months I took up internship, I was able to drive to and from the hospital (40 minute drive), of course I'd get back home by Maghrib, or just after, but I never needed anyone to be with me at all times. Same with going shopping, there were heaps of times I could just go out by my self.... it wasn't at all as restrictive as some ppl make it sound.
And for those interested, there are gyms/pools around, even segregated ones for women.
Its not really as female-oppressive as some ppl think.
Re: Moving to Pakistan..!
Congratulations!
My advice to you would be that while you are in the UK, get your academic qualifications or job training to allow you to get a good job in Pakistan as soon as you get there... and KEEP WORKING after that.
That way, in case you have issues with the lifestyle, place, people, family, whatever, you will always have something of your own that makes you happy and gives you a paycheck, some freedom of movement and thought and will take your mind of any troubles. Being independent is the key.
^ see thats the one thing i dont think i can ever adjust to, is the lack of independence, its taken me yeras to gain all this freedom (with the responsibilities) and i dont think i'd trade my independence for anything.
I know mon, even if you talk about living alone for a while, you start loving and guarding this independence so much that even if someone comes and lives with you temporarily, you start missing that freedom dearly! Atleast thats why I feel!
Maybe its different from city to city... but in Karachi those ladies who want that "independance" are prettey successful in getting it. I mean I was there for a whole year, and for a couple of months I took up internship, I was able to drive to and from the hospital (40 minute drive), of course I'd get back home by Maghrib, or just after, but I never needed anyone to be with me at all times. Same with going shopping, there were heaps of times I could just go out by my self.... it wasn't at all as restrictive as some ppl make it sound.
And for those interested, there are gyms/pools around, even segregated ones for women.
Its not really as female-oppressive as some ppl think.
You can pretty much drive around in every big city in Pakistan. If you are moving back to Pakistan, Id recommend Islamabad as the most independent one. I mean theres even swimming pools there, that are not segregated, but you have to dish out some moolah (or have your dad serving in the Govt) to get access to their membership facilities. Roads are nice, and congestion is less compared to other cities. Theres quite alot of foriegners/diplomats living in Islamabad, so there are some markets there, for instance Kohsar Market that you would only find foriegners shop, and boy you can find anything that you can find here, including your favourite brand of dog food (for your pets ofcourse)! The weathers also nice, good educational and career oppurtunities there and most of the people in that city are employees (as opposed to its twin city of Rwp full of businessmen) so the literacy rate is pretty high. Out of pretty much all the cities, Islamabad in most sectors gets no or minimal load shedding so you dont have to worry about those severe power outtages, atleast for now. When you get bored of the westernized city, you can always goto Rawalpindi nearby, or just go hell trekking into the himalayaas next doors!
If you are moving to a village, then its a completely different story, and for that you will really have to adjust to a big change. All the best to you for your new married life!