A very good friend of mine got married and after a year her husband was a diagnosed with terminal cancer and everyone knew he wasnt going to make it.
My friend was devasted which is obviously understandable and she asked her husband to write her letters to her before he died that she could open on their wedding anniversary.
Her husband wrote her the letters (about 50-60) and gave me them to give to her. She was only 22 when her husband died and her family wanted to get her married again.
With a lot of convincing she finally agreed. She got married yesterday and before that she had only opened one letter. Should I give her the rest of them or not?
The thing is she knows about the letters and does want them but I feel that this will be preventing her from moving on and starting a new relationship with her new husband.
In my opinion, give your friend the letters. Moving on is a process and your feelings can't be turned off like a light switch regardless of whether you remarry or not. Your friend is an adult, and she's aware of the fact that she has remarried and about the demands and expectations of a marriage. Regardless of whether you remarry or not......you can move on....BUTmoving on DOES NOT mean that you will FORGET your previous relationships. You can move on and with time the pain will lessen and you will heal....but you will NEVER forget someone you loved and shared a life with.
Those letters might even help bring your friend CLOSURE. After the death of a loved one, sometimes people are still in denial that the person is gone. And having those letters can, the letters could perhaps change denial into realization and bring complete closure.
Also, those letters are her possession/amanat and if she wants them, they should be returned to her. I understand you care about the well-being of your friend and you can express your concerns to her.....but in the end it's her decision to do what what she feels with the letters that belong to her.
And also, her previous husband, in the pain/heartache/agony of cancer, nevertheless took the time out to painstakingly write those letters to her. And after all the energy that he put into writing those50-50 letters.....they should go to the rightful owner....especially since she has expressed the desire to have them.
o i forgot to mention that me and her husband (Allah Jannat naseeb kare) were very good friends and he told me not to give her the letters if she gets married again.... should i respect his wishes or hers?
I am so confused seeing as her wedding anniversary is coming up and she will probably want it
o i forgot to mention that me and her husband (Allah Jannat naseeb kare) were very good friends and he told me not to give her the letters if she gets married again.... should i respect his wishes or hers?
I am so confused seeing as her wedding anniversary is coming up and she will probably want it
Respect a dead mans last wish - he knows what his wife can take better than anyone else
K it looks like ppl need more clarification...
me and him were very good friends and i introduced them both.. they got married... after 12 months of marriage he found he had cancer.. he came and told me bcuz he didnt want her to know yet.... i went with him and told her... she broke down and cried and cried and cried... he told the rest of his famiy.... he said that he didnt want treatment bcuz it would just postpone death for sometime and not cure him... my friend was very upset and confused... so we told them to just spend the time they had together happily and not to think of what was coming....
one day she invited me over and sat me down with him and said that she wanted him to write her letters for all of the days he had left which ended up being 57 days...(his last letter remained incomplete and i found it and sealed it).... one day he told me that if his wife got married again i should not give her the letters.... 6 months after he died her parents said she should get married again adn she cried and fought and yelled but eventually said ok.... her wedding was very simple with few close ppl...
the wedding functons ended this weekend and her previous wedding anniversary is coming up and she probably expects the letters but i havent talked to her yet.... i dont want to upset her but i dont want to break my promise...
I totally AGREE with Kenjifu. A dying man's last wishes need to be honored and respected. I mean can you imagine how PAINFUL it must have been for him to write 50-60 letters while suffering from cancer.
Those letters were written for HER!!!!!! Her current husband.......I don't care how good of a friend he is of yours.......should not have a say in how those letters should be dealt with because they BELONG to HER. In my opinion, he shouldn't even have been consulted.
I understand that the girl's current husband is your FRIEND.....but how would HE feel if HIS OWN dying wish was NEVER fulfilled? How would HE feel if the letters HE **took the time and energy to write while the cancer **ATE away at him....were NEVER given to the rightful owner??????? That's UNFAIR.
The NEW husband needs to understand that MOVING ON **does not mean **FORGETTING. Even if a MAN **was to get married again......he'll **NEVER be able to FORGET his previous wife....especially if they shared a loving relationship before her death.
The new husband can expect his wife to move on.....but it's unreasonable to expect her to forget her previous husband completely and forever.
I think HIS wish for you to NOT SHARE the letters is stemming from INSECURITY, which is understandable and natural. But, I doubt that **HE **would appreciate it if someone didn't deliver his painstakingly written letters after his death. Those letters could possibly give closure and help her move on and make the death more of a reality.
Keeping those letters away from her is not going to change the fact that they were ONCE married and shared a loving relationship. And can you imagine how UPSET/HURT/ANGRY this girl would feel if she found out that you and her current husband hid something the cherished letters from her?
SHE is starting a brand new relationship with the current husband. And I think it's wrong to **start **a relationship such as marriage with deception.
I think this girl is very fortunate to have such a loving and caring friend in you, MashaAllah. So, please return to her what is rightfully hers.
I still think you should give it to her. There was very little time that she spent with her husband - maybe it was very precious for her. Maybe she wants to keep his thought forever. The only thing that can console her is something from her husband as a "token of love" to keep forever... or at least till she is ready to dispose them.
I think you should pass it on to her. What could be in those letter? - His love for her? I think something like this should be respected and given out with proper manners. It's private and must be treated that way. It's also a last note from the hubby before his final days. So I think you should not even be questioning whether you should give it or not.
^In that cases - it seems like the letter probably only convinces her to MOVE on...
So according to the hubby - if she is already married "moved on" then don't give it to her - makes sense.
However, I would still give it to her - so she can read and understand a man - who may have loved her dearly - who wants to see her happy - and all of that is probably in the letter.
I would still give it to her - so she can see how a good man he was...
Oh, okay, I just read your clarification. If the previous husband himself requested that you NOT give her the letters if were to remarry again.....then u should try ur best to honor those wishes. Don't bring up the letters yourself first. She might even forget about them or choose to not see them and move on.....and therefore could possibly not even ask you about them. But don't bring it up by yourself first.
And if she asks you about it.....then I guess you can be honest and tell her what her husband's dying wishes were. In a situation like this, I'm not sure if it would be *valid * for you to lie to her and say that you've misplaced the letters and can't find them......and therefore with the passage of time and a NEW MARRIAGE....allow your friend to move on and forget about the letters. That's another possibility.
Marnay wala jo kahay uski khuwahish poori jaati hai ghalat ya sahi jo bhi ho sirf agar jhagray ka dar ho to us main tabdeeli ki jaa sakti hai wo bhi sirf jaidaad ki soorat main.
I don't know why some ppl give opposite advice.
Marnay walay nain kaha tha kay agar shadi kar lay to na dena usko khat so you have to fulful marnay walay ki baat na kay ppl from here.
I totally AGREE with Kenjifu. A dying man's last wishes need to be honored and respected. I mean can you imagine how PAINFUL it must have been for him to write 50-60 letters while suffering from cancer.
Those letters were written for HER!!!!!! Her current husband.......I don't care how good of a friend he is of yours.......should not have a say in how those letters should be dealt with because they BELONG to HER. In my opinion, he shouldn't even have been consulted.
I understand that the girl's current husband is your FRIEND.....but how would HE feel if HIS OWN dying wish was NEVER fulfilled? How would HE feel if the letters HE **took the time and energy to write while the cancer **ATE away at him....were NEVER given to the rightful owner??????? That's UNFAIR.
The NEW husband needs to understand that MOVING ON **does not mean **FORGETTING. Even if a MAN **was to get married again......he'll **NEVER be able to FORGET his previous wife....especially if they shared a loving relationship before her death.
The new husband can expect his wife to move on.....but it's unreasonable to expect her to forget her previous husband completely and forever.
I think HIS wish for you to NOT SHARE the letters is stemming from INSECURITY, which is understandable and natural. But, I doubt that **HE **would appreciate it if someone didn't deliver his painstakingly written letters after his death. Those letters could possibly give closure and help her move on and make the death more of a reality.
Keeping those letters away from her is not going to change the fact that they were ONCE married and shared a loving relationship. And can you imagine how UPSET/HURT/ANGRY this girl would feel if she found out that you and her current husband hid something the cherished letters from her?
SHE is starting a brand new relationship with the current husband. And I think it's wrong to **start **a relationship such as marriage with deception.
I think this girl is very fortunate to have such a loving and caring friend in you, MashaAllah. So, please return to her what is rightfully hers.
WAIT WAIT WAIT!!! HER PREVIOUS HUSBAND WAS MY GOOD FRIEND!! NOT HER NEW HUSBAND! I BARELY NOW HER KNEW HUSBAND!
What if he has showed his love and after reading those she will become unstable or will be hard for her to move on.
No she will not become unstable. After lots of refusal - she has agreed to marry. So she is PREPARED to move on. She understands that he is no more, and is therefore married now to someone else.
I would not like to BURY those letters. This is no bollywood movie - where the dying hubby says - don't give - and then all the emotional dramas start - until the newly married wife 's daughter/son is 18 years old and looking for the "truth" about his/her previous husband (and some hidden letters).
