That tell their married daughters the nitty gritty of everyday life over the phone for hours and hours, especially things concerning the bahu(s) of the household, who did what, negetive stuff… Set fire in their own homes…in regards to their relationship with their bahu and son.
This was a topic that was discussed by a rahter wise aunty at a get together. I remember my nani never discussed anything about her home with my mom and married khalas). Her reasoning was, a daughter’s heart is already sensitive beibg so far away from her mother, if a mother were to tell her ure sil did this or hurt my feelings like that or ure bro this that and the other, my daughters would create a bigger issue by not understNding the siuation (at home since they dont live there) and maybe give the wrong kinda help that could further create issues.
Made sense to me…im a married daughter… Just got a bhabi… My mom is following in her mom’s footsteps… I dont know anythin bad bout my babhi… Meaning my heart is still happy concerning her and my bro.
Whay do u married daughters think? Would u feel left out or hurt that ure mother isnt sharing that kinda stuff wit u or do u agree… The less u know about ure maica once married, the better it is for everyone?
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khawa, i have had a bhabi for almost a year now and i havent heard my mom say anything to me or sis about her. If she somewhat starts sharing something she doesnt care about, i instantly give a positive spin to it. I do this because 1) i am a daughter in law myself and i know how much hurt i feel when i hear inlaws talk about me and 2) i know bhabi and bhai are good to my parents ALhamdulillah. If they werent, i would address the issue but i believe in letting small things stay small and not making a mountain of a mole hill.
But my mommy doesnt do this, everyone else’s mommy does.
On a more serious note, that is good thinking. I’ve also kept things that people have said to me quiet to avoid starting disputes. Though I’m a guy and the exact scenario doesn’t apply to me, but in general, I would prefer to avoid starting fights.
To an extent, yes I agree. What happens in one home, should stay in that home.
There are though two reasons, why I dont agree with the concept all over.
1: some people need to talk to get it off their chest, its in their nature, in which case I think I would prefer my mother talks to me about her feelings rather than some aunty shanty. Because what she tells me, will stay with me, which might not be the case with any other aunty. I would prefer my mum talks to me about instead of just sitting their and having this anger building up, because at some point I think it would exceed anyones limit and that would be much worse than talking.
2: if the relationship between a MIL and son and DIL is really THAT bad, I really doubt that it wont affect the SIL even if the MIL is not telling her anything.
So how can a married dsughhter properly guide a mother when she isnt seeing or living the problem that is being discussed? Should the daughter side with her mother and is it inderstood automatically that "my mom can do no wrong?"
How many daughters would say no mom u are wrong or bring a weaknesss in their own mothers character fwd when fighting the claim? How many daughters would see through their own moms and really try to find out just how much truth there is to a problem...course that cant happen until they talk to the sil right?
Iunderstand the concept of talking it out.... And who better than the daughter ..... But as a dil myself.... My best desire would be my mil talk to me and the husband and DEAL with the problem rather than nvolve my sil who wouldnt have a clue in the first place since she lives in a totally diff continent.
Plus.... Doesnt thedil and sil relationship come in between.... How can a mother think she can solve a problem in her own home talking it out withherdaughterknowing fully well that her girl doesnt like the dil?
I dont know.... Seems like lesser of 2 evils.... Talk it out with concerned parties to solce a problem ....and talk with outsiders to kust vent and not solve anything
no one should have any problem with what mother talks to her daughter. Who should mothers turn to when they have problems?
I would have a huge problem if my milwas saying all sorta odd things about me to my sil asking HER for solutions to a Problem that she should have come to me with.... How can a daughter know how to fix a problem of a totally diff household...ppl are diff and house ethics rules etc are diff too... Wouldnt that be stupid following the ideas and notions of someone that doesnt even live with u?
To an extent, yes I agree. What happens in one home, should stay in that home.
There are though two reasons, why I dont agree with the concept all over.
1: some people need to talk to get it off their chest, its in their nature, in which case I think I would prefer my mother talks to me about her feelings rather than some aunty shanty. Because what she tells me, will stay with me, which might not be the case with any other aunty. I would prefer my mum talks to me about instead of just sitting their and having this anger building up, because at some point I think it would exceed anyones limit and that would be much worse than talking.
2: if the relationship between a MIL and son and DIL is really THAT bad, I really doubt that it wont affect the SIL even if the MIL is not telling her anything.
You would indeed be a good person than... I know girls that have their mothers wrapped arou d their fingertips and whatever they sa, goes... Even though they themselves are married and living far away. Would hate to be the dil of such a household. In this case though i would blame the mothers.
Smetimes nothing is wrong with the relationship between mil and dil... Just misunderstandings that should be cleared up between the 2 ppl involved... And not involve an outsider
