Other day I went into the kitchen… My mother told me some task to do she was there as well. When I started working on that task, my mother started telling me how to do that… I got confused, i thought my mothers method was too complicated so i started doing it in my own way… and what happened next was… My mother got angry on me because i was not following her instructions and ask me to leave the kitchen. I was like “Ammi main ker rahi hoon na bas app mujhy yeh bata dein k kitny glasses loon” but she was all angry on me and told me sort of “get lost”… i got angry too. From the way back from kitchen i said to my eldest sister that “acha howa humara koi bhai nahin hai werna humari ammi bhi typical saas hoti”. Yes my one of elder sisters oftentimes says this that our mom is just like MIL who wants her DIL should do everything according to her 30 or 40 yrs old rules"
And most of the moms is like that.. i think so.. what do you think?.. Its just my mom and every other mother is like that… and then we complain only about MIL’s. Our mothers are one who feeds this in our minds “apny ghar ja ker apni marzi sey ghar set kerna”
No. My mum is nothing like that. I've always did everything around the house (still do when I'm there) and she let me do it how I want. In fact, she never asked me because I do everything of my own accord. Except of course if she's teaching me to make a particular dish and I need instruction. But my MIL is very much like that. If I was living with her, it would be a big problem because I'm used to doing things my own way and not being told what to do and how to do it.
I agree with the OP. The difference is we disregard when our mothers say something hurtful or do something which feels unjust to us, since they are our mothers. But we latch on when MILs do the same.
It would help a lot if we extended the same patience towards MILs, and go a long way in bettering relations
I guess single girls think that their moms are strict but once they are married, they start thinking that their MIL is more strict than her mother. Besides, once girls are married, they realise that the anger and scolding of their moms was nothing as compared to the scolding and instructions of their MILs (since we tend to have more tolerance level for own family as compared to our in-laws). But yes, when we are unmarried and live with our family, we do tend to think that our elders are being strict with us and ask us to comply with 'out dated' rules. Out thinking definitely changes when we become parents and then only we will be able to know how and why parents brought us up the way they did.
I guess single girls think that their moms are strict but once they are married, they start thinking that their MIL is more strict than her mother. Besides, once girls are married, they realise that the anger and scolding of their moms was nothing as compared to the scolding and instructions of their MILs (since we tend to have more tolerance level for own family as compared to our in-laws). But yes, when we are unmarried and live with our family, we do tend to think that our elders are being strict with us and ask us to comply with 'out dated' rules. Out thinking definitely changes when we become parents and then only we will be able to know how and why parents brought us up the way they did.
Ashy my elder sister who is married realize this quality of my mom after her marriage ;). Now difference is only that you can disagree with your mom openly and tell her that you don't like her interference in work. Even sometimes we have arguments with her as we know at the end of the day she will be fine and don't be angry with us. But if you tell this to your MIL ... it becomes a source of fight :p.
no. not all moms are like that.
it your method do doing stuff in kitchen, then i dont think it should be that big of a problem.
some people are too much in rules and dont like changes, your mom might be one of those.
Actually when it comes to cooking.. she is ready to accept our ways. But when it comes to home decoration or other kitchen tasks.. she disagrees with us mostly. we and our mom have different taste and different ways to do things. Yes may be she doesn't like a bigger changes. But she should understand that she have all the authority in her house for like 30 or 25 years... its now time to give chance to your daughters or DIL.
I agree with the OP. The difference is we disregard when our mothers say something hurtful or do something which feels unjust to us, since they are our mothers. But we latch on when MILs do the same.
It would help a lot if we extended the same patience towards MILs, and go a long way in bettering relations
Totally agreed with you. But the problem is when you tell your MIL that you don't like her method or you want to change the system of HER house... it becomes bone of contention between MIL and DIL... but you can easily discuss these issues with your mom woh alag baat hai k next time again your mother doesn't allow you to do those things with your won way . :P
haha its true that even our mothers insist that things done their way are best. the way i see it why bother discussing when it leads to nothing. DILs in my opinion, and please keep in mind that I am one too so Im speaking from experience, should try to accomodate as much as they can.
haha its true that even our mothers insist that things done their way are best. the way i see it why bother discussing when it leads to nothing.** DILs in my opinion, and please keep in mind that I am one too so Im speaking from experience, should try to accomodate as much as they can.**
Both sides should compromise and accommodate as much as they can imo. Leaving aside culture that would be the decent thing to do.
There is teeny weeny bit of difference though.....
Mom=Best friend in the world
MIL =Worst enemy in the world
so which means ones bestfriend is another enemy?
Theres a difference , you can get away with being mad /angry with ur mom and she takes it because one is a daughter/son but when it comes to ur spouce's mom u cant get away with the same badtameezi=]
Hmmmm…don’t our mothers really love us and sincerely care for our well-being? That might not be the case for our MILs. I mean sure we should try to compromise with and appease our MILs. Not doing so can be detrimental to a marriage. :hinna: Also, not all MILs are evil/bad people that are out to get their DILs. Most of 'em probably aren’t…I think.
*
But comparing our MILs to our own mothers? Claiming they’re the same thing? :no:*
Actually what i am trying to say here is that our MIL are off course mother of their daughters and in the same way they must scold their daughters as well. When we complain about MIL then we should admit that these our mothers have same traits as well but yes we cannot handle them both with same approach.
Actually what i am trying to say here is that our MIL are off course mother of their daughters and in the same way they must scold their daughters as well. When we complain about MIL then we should admit that these our mothers have same traits as well but yes we cannot handle them both with same approach. :p
I atually know so many aunties who want their daughters to live seperately from their in laws yet will never let their own sons/DILs live seperately, its pretty sad...
it comes down to the fact that even those who consider themselves "open minded" will still consider themselves superior to everyone else and thats why the rules they have for others will never apply to themselves.
its true...but the difference is that I MIL is not your true mother and DIL not your true daughter. So to be told how-when -where to do something stings a bit more coming from someone who is not your actual family member. Hence, both MIL and DIL need to be understanding, honest and patient with one another in order to have a good relationship and become close. Its a two way street, both need to work as it, not just the DIL
Both mothers and MILs are the same in the manner that we consider them to have old ideas while we are a 'new' generation and we don't see the things the way they see. So yes, since mothers and MILs are a same generation, we can say that they are same in thinking, opinions, views, methods of doing things etc. But when we compare our mothers with our MILs, we seem to have more tolerance for our mothers than our MILs just because there is this inherent thing in our subconscious mind that MILs are not our 'real' mothers so we tend to take everything more seriously in the case of MILs.
Both mothers and MILs are the same in the manner that we consider them to have old ideas while we are a 'new' generation and we don't see the things the way they see. So yes, since mothers and MILs are a same generation, we can say that they are same in thinking, opinions, views, methods of doing things etc. But when we compare our mothers with our MILs, we seem to have more tolerance for our mothers than our MILs just because there is this inherent thing in our subconscious mind that MILs are not our 'real' mothers so we tend to take everything more seriously in the case of MILs.
Ashy, your posts are always so insightful :) Bravo, well said!
Bas yaar kabhi gharoor nahi kia 