Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.
Maham, if you prefer to live with your in-laws (which has it’s challenges) then MashaAllah more power to you. Living with the in-laws doesn’t guarantee that a balance will be maintained…neither does living away from the in-laws. My intention is not to offend. BUT…you say that everyone is open/free to answer your question the way they want and explain it the way they feel. So, you’re basically encouraging people people to share their individual opinions. HOWEVER…when someone posts that they prefer to live away from their in-laws OR that Islam does not require women to live with in-laws…your response toward that member carries a somewhat defensive/taunting tone…as if you’re chiding (daant-ing) the person for wanting to live separately or for saying that joint-family is not an obligation. Yes, it’s clear that you support living with in-laws…but if you’re not fully comfortable with individual opinions…then the question (in my opinion) should not be worded in a way that “welcomes” opinions. Instead, your original post should have clearly stated your stance on the matter…and then invited others to either agree or disagree with your stance.
You do what you feel is best for you. You want to marry a guy who prefers living with parents…then inshaAllah you’ll find a compatible partner. How SOMEONE ELSE (male or female) chooses to live after marriage… is not going to affect your marriage or your own home. They’re entitled to their opinions and living arrangements. To each his own. We’re all accountable for what we do and will be judged individually. Those that DO live away from in-law are not necessarily bad people. Everyone is different. Maybe they are better able to take care of family when there is distance. It reminds me of the example of my taaya. He moved to a separate home. This distance allowed for a more peaceful maintenance of relationships. And my grandparents never felt that he was a “bad” son. Rather…when my dada was on his deathbed…he praised all three of his sons for being so dutiful. That said…obligations can still be fulfilled even if one lives away from the in-laws. Everyone is different. What might work for one person may not for another.
I believe what Diamond was saying is that a husband has greater obligation toward taking care of his parents than his wife does…but she also mentioned that out of humanity…and being a decent human being…the wife should show consideration for the parents as well.
Does death have to be ONLY sign that one is miserable or in pain? Does one have to wait for death to take place? I think that’s a very simplified question. A woman might not have died from lack of a separate accommodation but perhaps the abuse she may be suffering (from in-laws) is taking a toll on her physical/mental well-being and affecting her marriage.