The Sugar and Salt Water thread got me thinking…
Parents,
Would you like and take into consideration advice from your Mother in Law or from your own Mother? What about if goes against what the Doctor/Parenting Book recommends?
I would think that both my MIL and Mother have way more experience that I would in taking care of a child, and would know better; maybe even more so than some doctors. They must have been doing something right to bear and take care of 4 children each.
Your thoughts?
Re: Mother Knows Best?
yes i like listening to mum n MIL but if it against pead i dont follow it, i normally follow wht doctor recomends like simple example MIL wanted to strt fresh milk n allother dairy items like eggs n yougart when baby turned 6 months but doctor said not before 1 year i listened to doc :)
Re: Mother Knows Best?
I disagree with my MIL all the time but I don't remember her saying anything stupid like "make the head" or "give salt and sugar water". She wasn't happy with me breastfeeding the baby but she didn't really force her views and besides I received plenty of support from breastfeeding groups.
Re: Mother Knows Best?
My MIL only gives me advice when I ask, otherwise she praises in comparision to her other bahus, me when in a good mood. but I never remember her telling me giving anything bad to the kid, nothing that I object off.
My mom and my father on the other hand, they think everything is good for the kids. Like for the few times I leave them there, when really necessary, they give them good food but als candies, or drinks with lots of sugar that I dissapprove, saying this is only fruit juice, but when I look at the package, there is 40 % sugar, 55% water and 5 % fruit concentration, not so good, I do let them know. But like said, it has happened 3-4 times thank God.
Not all grandparents are up to date, time changed, products change, so they think in their time, of course they have experience but in their own time :-D
Re: Mother Knows Best?
I couldnt agree more with Saadia's last sentence..times have changed, things have changed.. my mom had me sleeping on my belly because thats what the doc told her but now docs say back is best to avoid SIDS so you get the drift..I do listen to my mom but she herself is not very confident and in fact doesnt remember much about raising us sisters. We were raised by our nani and khalas mostly so she doesnt have much to tell me. Sometimes my mom and I both google together. :-D my sister, on the otehr hand, has raised four boys recently and I listen to her advice or call her for her advice very often. But yes I wont be giving salt or sugar water if doc had told me not to no matter who said that!!
I only spent a few weeks with my MIL and she really didnt object on anything that I did or wanted to be done my way. SHe could care less how I dealt with my baby :-D
Re: Mother Knows Best?
totally agreed :k:
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Not all grandparents are up to date, time changed, products change, so they think in their time, of course they have experience but in their own time :-D
i agree as well....
...Afshi .... your mother and MIL mananged to bear 4 kids each doesnt mean they knew Exactly what they were doing with their kids...... i m sure both of them had made tons of mistakes and learned from their own mistakes....besides, kids manage to bear without their mothers and by living on the streets as well ...
Re: Mother Knows Best?
Exactly. They learned from their mistakes.
Not sure where the part of kids living on the streets fits in into all this.
But inshallah when I have children, and I need advice/help on something, whether its from feeding, sleeping issues, etc, I would rather ask my MIL or Mom first for their advice, especially if they had been through it before.
Re: Mother Knows Best?
Mods, I'm sorry, but I just saw a similar thread, would you mind merging them together ?thanks!
Re: Mother Knows Best?
I listen to it all and hubby and I determined what we felt was more appropriate for the baby. In the beginning, it was almost completely the pediatrician's instructions we followed, and then after a year or so we felt more comfortable making calls on our own. I think the key is to have consistency and keep an eye on the baby's needs.
Note tho that MIL and Ammi both treat their grandchild completely differently from how they treated us growing up.
Re: Mother Knows Best?
Mods, I'm sorry, but I just saw a similar thread, would you mind merging them together ?thanks!
I'll keep it a separate topic as this is a more general conversation and that is focused on a specific issue.
Re: Mother Knows Best?
alright.
Sahar, what do you mean by your MIL and Mom treating their grandkids differently than you guys? In what way? I know my mom spoils my neices and nephew and buys them tons of stuff. She didnt do that with us kids, that's for sure.
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One example: MIL who is a health nut and still hides candies and cookies from her 20-something/30-something children fed my daughter chocolate and ice cream when she was 6 months old. Without asking either me or hubby.
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OMG. lol.
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Also they forget things. Like just because at some point in their child's time as an infant or baby s/he was about to do certain things, they think it's ok at any time. They don't have the same sense of careful progression that they probably had as parents and that we have in hyper-mode when we're first-time parents.
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Grandparents think that kuch nahi hota, aik daffa hi hai .. but we know the consequences, grandma bought these unhealthy fruity drink for her, where as the mon would never have. Now grandma is in the good books, where as mom is not. Next drama, each time you go shopping, the kid leaps out for that horrible fruit drink and the candies it was introduced to at grandparents home. Either you buy it or have a huge drama with the kid crying and screaming for the candies. uffff
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The thing which annoys me is tht when parents says no grandparents actuallly do the same thing n in this way children know tht they r there to listen to thm n somehow the patents decision is left out I don like it if parents r saying something people should respect it n if u don't agree wth it plz don't say tht in front of kids.
V have this problem at my parents home my nephew knew his dada Dadi r there to give him anything when his mum would say no n thn I stepped in n clearly told my parents when bhabi says no it means no thn plz dont do these hamdardis don't interfere plz
Re: Mother Knows Best?
The Sugar and Salt Water thread got me thinking...
Parents,
Would you like and take into consideration advice from your Mother in Law or from your own Mother? What about if goes against what the Doctor/Parenting Book recommends?
I would think that both my MIL and Mother have way more experience that I would in taking care of a child, and would know better; maybe even more so than some doctors. They must have been doing something right to bear and take care of 4 children each.
Your thoughts?
Well, mom and MIL definitely have experience raising children, but what they did way back then doesn't always apply now. For example, when my first baby was born, MIL decided to rub her face with "loi" which is paste made of flour and water to get rid of excess body hair. I let her. But during the process of rubbing, my daughter's skin went red and she was crying! There was no gentleness in that process and I was like...no way. Then she broke out in a rash. Next, MIL insisted she give her the first bath. How? Well she put my baby between her feet and sat on the side of the tub and placed her under running water. That is how she did it with all her children. They are well and alive. But guess what...this is my baby, eh...and I get to bathe her in a lovely tub sitting down relaxing and chilling instead of screaming her lungs out under running water.
See what I'm saying? Nothing wrong with what they did. Doesn't work for my baby though.
My mom was there at my sister's baby's birth. Mom did some of her stuff too. Sis was like...ummm no thanks ma. I'll handle it.
Thing is that no parent is perfect. Not at all. But every parent has the right to experience the joys of raising their kids the way they think is right. Just because my mom raised us or MIL raised her kids doesn't mean they did a great job. I appreciate their help, but don't consider them more superior in parenting skills.
Re: Mother Knows Best?
Actually, I was talking about asking your MIL and mother YOURSELF, not unwanted advice in which the MIL and Mother does on their own.
Re: Mother Knows Best?
Oh sorry! Well, yes, I do ask when I think they can give me an appropriate answer. For example, I know I was a very poor eater as a child and my mom is a physician in addition to being my mom...so I do take advice on how she helped me overcome my eating habits so I can possibly use that for my kids. Then, my MIL taught all her children to read the Qur'an and I was very impressed with the way she disciplined them to go by a schedule and actually listen to her. I've taken advice from her on that several times.
Now if what they say goes against what the doc/books say, I'd still like to use a commonsense approach to handling the situation.