Mother Knows Best?

Lifestyle Parenting, Household Affairs and Cuisine corner
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Re: Mother Knows Best?

In my thread when the MIL in law was giving advice on being safer and healthier that was frowned upon in this thread grandmas treating the kids are being frowned upon.

Poor Grandmas :(

I would be nothing without my nani and dadi and nana and dada.

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Re: Mother Knows Best?

There is no question about the quality of love a grandparent has, inspiron... but then one must be realistic about the quality of advice.

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Re: Mother Knows Best?

But in the thread I opened when the mother in law was trying to be safe/medical/healthy she was termed interfering

here the MIL or mother are treating their kids and thats wrong too.

So what a grandparent should just shut up and not be involved at all? I remmeber a thread in life 1 when someone was upset about her mother not being able to be present after the birth...maybe she should be thanking her lucky stars.

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Re: Mother Knows Best?

^ I think you need to read more carefully. That's not what's being said.

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Inspiron, LOL, no, I think it's just human nature to not feel to happy about receiving unsolicited advice. I don't think anyone wants their moms or MILs to stay away from their kids... just minimize the conflict between approaches. My kids love and admire their grandparents and we will never stop that bond in any way... it is a blessing. I was just talking about the advice part.

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I will probs be different when I have kids lol! I dont even know why I feel so emotional about this topic

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^ Imagine how the new mom feels!

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Sahar, I rellate to you so much when I read about how you had your hubby went through things with your bubba. Totally hear you.

I think first time round, I wasnt very good with asking for advice from mum or MIL. The only person, other than hubby, that I would ask anything about was my bhabhi whose daughter is 3 months older than munchkin. I seeked her advice quite a bit considering she was a first time mum and had just had a daughter. Ofcourse, both our approaches were very different and sometimes quite opposite, it was always good to hear what the other person had tried and what issues they may have been having. Even now, when our girls are 5 (nearing 6) we seek each others advice as opposed to our mothers.

Its not that I dont value my mums or MILs advice.. its just what they did may have worked back when they raised all of us, but with so much more information now and development, they are a little behind. In terms of, what types of food can a baby have (once they start eating... and sometimes you get the pressure of feeding them as newborns!!), how to bathe the baby (as Niksik pointed out), whether or not you should be touchng the bubba's mouth or not without having cleaned your hands, and oh yes, sleeping times and positions.

Another thing Id like to point out is, grandparents should not feel disrespected if you're not following their advice... its one of the worrst feelings in the world when your mum is sulking because you're thinking her advice is not wanted... it is. But its not a must that it needs to be followed.

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I am perfectly fine with listening to advices and this is a total non-issue in my family at least. I am more than happy to listen to anyone's advice. I don't live with my in-laws but I don't think my MIL has ever given me a wrong advice or at least I didn't get offended with anything she has asked me to do. Only thing that I totally diskliked was when she gave tea to my 7 month old. I didn't really even react much to it. Just told my husband who asked his mom not to do it. Well, next morning she did it again and told me that how her son doesn't think that this is good for the baby. She told me how tea helps clear out some of the congestion ... just few tsp won't hurt, it actually helps. I listened to her, didn't make a fuss.. it was all good. My MIL is a doctor and she thinks I do a pretty good job raising my son. I do get annoyed by my mother sometimes because I don't agree with her food choice. I try to give my son home cooked food while she is okay with giving kids bahar ka khana every now and then. But even then there is no issue, she does her own thing but I do what I think is right for my son.

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i was saying this more in terms of survival, health and sickness being in hands of Allah.... our mothers or MIL did not do any wonders in bearing kids... they did what a mother suppose to do, in their own means, as per their own education and stuff. ......yes they do know how to raise a kid, but they know each and everything about Their kids, what worked for their kids and what not.... that doesnt mean whatever worked for them will definitely work for Our kids as welll ......

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I do ask and often follow. I've noticed that when I've asked them, their answers are usually very conservative. But when they take initiative to just do something with baby, the approach is very liberal.

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Oopss...i missed this question...
i ask both.. about different stuff.... i am a totka/home remedy beleiver and my moms have tons of tips in that regard so i usually ask her.......my MIL is good in disciplining the kids (my mom has very reluctant approach in that regard) so i usually ask my MIL how to handle kids on various occasions......

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As a doc, parent and mother - I count a lot on my mom's advice about the kids however I and my hubby do have the final say.

Times have changed significantly. We butt heads on alternative form of medicine and therapies as I don't agree with her and the doctors for many cases.