Re: Mother in law's boyfriend
I really dont think that its a big deal. She is talking to this gentleman over the phone, every night. Her kids are aware of that too. I am sure that she knows that they know. Which means that chances are very good that her hubby knows that too. That means that though its a 'friendship ' between a male and a female, its not an affair.
I am sorry, I did not go through the whole thread but just read S02's english summary of the Op
Re: Mother in law's boyfriend
mein ne sab k comments parhay hein but individually sab ko reply nai kar sakti so aik hi post kar rahi hn
1____Meri MIL sirf MIL hi nahin hein woh meri khala b hein _ meri mom ki choti sister bhi hein_____aur mein bachpan se unhein janti thi lekin shadi k bad is ghar mein a k jo un ka image dekha us se bohat dil dukha hai
2______mujhe un ki care hai to isi liye aaj tak kisi k samnay ghar mein ya family k baat nahin ki_sirf husband se kabhi kabar discuss ho jata hai
3______un k bf ko b janti heinagar khuch ulta seedha karna hota to us ki wife ya bachon mein se kisi se isharay mein bat kar sakti thi but is sab ki mujhe zaroorat nahin_ kyun k meray liye mera apna rishta aur ghar saas ki harkaton se zyada important hein
4_____aur yeh baat bhi mujhe pata hai k is maslay ka hal meray pass nahin hai aur na mein kar sakti hon aur na hi karna chahti hn_ meri taraf se bhar mein jayein____shayed kisi ne end se meri post sahi se nahin parhi plzzzz koi ussay translate kar k yahan post kar de___ mein sirf itna poche rahi hn k woh jo marzi hai karein mujhe un ki harkaton se kyun takleef hoti hai __ khuch aisa piece of advice beshak woh harsh hi kyun na ho woh chahiyea mujhe k jisay mein hamesha yaad rakhon aur un ki harkaton ka notice na lon
5_____ aur yeh k mein seperate ghar mein move nahin ho sakti k baqol meray husband k kamazkam hum log sath reh rahay hein to kabhi kabar to woh parwa kar leti hein aur khuch limit mein rehnay ki try karti hein nai to woh bilkul hi laparwa ho jayein gi__ aur is zid mein hum logon ne abhi tak koi baby b plan nahin kiya k mein is tarah k ghar aur mahol mein baby nahin le sakti
Re: Mother in law's boyfriend
i guess this can be the 2013 thread of life1. anyway, how much of a "boyfriend" can he be if your mil's daughter drops her off to meet him? maybe he's just her bestfrand from like 50 years. y u assume worst possible scenario, nimra :\
mein ne yeh baat agar shadi k nearly 3 years bad kahi hai to khuch to pata ho ga to bf kaha hai na____ koi 3 din ya haftay maheenay nai huey is ghar mein rehtay
and obviously agar woh ghar mein das jhoot bol k aur uncle k ilam mein laye baghere sham 8 se raat k 1_2 bajay tak gayeb hein aur yeh bata k gayi hein k woh us aunty k ghar khatam peh ja rahi hein jo aaj tak hamaray ghar kabhi khatam kya kisi ki death peh b nahin ayi aur na hum jantay hein aur na dekha hai to phr? aur mein ne bataya na k un k bf ko aus bf ki puri family ko janti hn mein__ jab woh log yahan apnay relatives ko visit karnay 2_3 hafton k liye atay hein to sirf tab hi aunty k har raat bahir k chakar kyun lagtay hein ?? aur calls b landline ki bajaye phr mobile peh ati hein ??
Re: Mother in law's boyfriend
"uncle", your hubbyji, sil, etc been living with her longer than you have, and they don't have a problem, but you think its an affair. i find this a little hard to understand. do you know something they dont?
Re: Mother in law's boyfriend
Yes, she shud move out and if she can't, she shud leave that house. People living under one roof share their lives, one can't be oblivious to it. Her daughter drops her to her lover!!!
No, one should not be oblivious to it and by noticing and forming an opinion on it, the OP has already made it obvious that she is not. However, one should not aggravate the situation either. Realistically, what will the OP's involvement actually accomplish? Given that her mil, knowing what she is risking by behaving this way, continues to see her gentleman friend, it's rather unlikely that the OP's involvement will change this.
Also, if her mil doesn't care what her husband and children (and God for that matter) think of her actions (and her brazen, nonchalant behaviour indicate that she doesn't), why would she care what the OP thinks? If the OP confronts her mil or gets involved in any way, it will only serve to antagonise her mil, which will lead to further discord in the family. Again, the best course of action would be to move out and keep her distance from this situation until it is resolved.
Re: Mother in law's boyfriend
Interesting, very interesting infact, ma`am the way things are at the moment, i doubt your father in law goes for a job at night.I mean how come everyone else knows it and he is unaware of his wife s activities? he knows it and he doesnt care about it..simple..
Things will remain as such unless you force your husband to move out and live separately,
Re: Mother in law's boyfriend
No, one should not be oblivious to it and by noticing and forming an opinion on it, the OP has already made it obvious that she is not. However, one should not aggravate the situation either. Realistically, what will the OP's involvement actually accomplish? Given that her mil, knowing what she is risking by behaving this way, continues to see her gentleman friend, it's rather unlikely that the OP's involvement will change this.
Also, if her mil doesn't care what her husband and children (and God for that matter) think of her actions (and her brazen, nonchalant behaviour indicate that she doesn't), why would she care what the OP thinks? If the OP confronts her mil or gets involved in any way, it will only serve to antagonise her mil, which will lead to further discord in the family. Again, the best course of action would be to move out and keep her distance from this situation until it is resolved.
Involvement does make a difference in overall picture, regardless whether it stops her or not.
I know a family that has been destroyed by affair of a married man and married woman. Initially, it did not look serious enough, but people could see something was not right that this woman was frequently visiting this family. Some family friends warned the wife, she instead felt offended by these suggestions. People as usual minded their own business, it escalated, few years later, the two families are completely broken. The wife has separated, kids dont see the parents, what a mess of a beautiful family.
And in west it may not impact her much but in Pakistan, when things will eventually be known to people, she will find it hard to socialize. She will always be "the woman whose MIL had extramarital affair", or "her MIL is a *****".
Its better for her to get out of it now b4 its too late.
Re: Mother in law's boyfriend
And I find it strange that your MIL is not making more of an effort to "hide" things which makes me question the relation of this man and the reasons behind your MIL's lackadaisical attitude.
These meetings lasting 1-2 am cannot be innocent.
About the same guy i mentioned above, one of the aunties persuaded the man to stop his affair with married woman, his reply was, "baji, wo tu meri behnooN jaisi hai"
Aunty replied, "beta, behnooN key saath loug, loug is tarah nahiN phirtey, jaisey tum uskey saath phirtey ho"
Guess thats puts things in perspective.
Re: Mother in law's boyfriend
but in Pakistan, when things will eventually be known to people, she will find it hard to socialize. She will always be "the woman whose MIL had extramarital affair", or "her MIL is a *****".
Its better for her to get out of it now b4 its too late.
Why do you think that is though? If people minded their own business and concentrated on their own lives rather than concerning themselves with other people's lives and problems and spreading gossip, this would not be the case. If people minded their own business instead of spreading gossip and "everything eventually becoming known to everyone," the world would be a kinder place and the poor woman you mentioned would have no trouble socialising.
I definitely agree that the OP should move out ASAP.
Re: Mother in law's boyfriend
If your suspicions are true, then I would move out if I were you...
Re: Mother in law's boyfriend
Why do you think that is though? If people minded their own business and concentrated on their own lives rather than concerning themselves with other people's lives and problems and spreading gossip, this would not be the case. If people minded their own business instead of spreading gossip and "everything eventually becoming known to everyone," the world would be a kinder place and the poor woman you mentioned would have no trouble socialising.
I definitely agree that the OP should move out ASAP.
There are merits of minding your own business, but lets face it, thats how the things are in Pakistan, specially, one it comes to extramarital affairs and nothing OP can do will change it, atleast not her lifetime. So she better get prepared for it.
Secondly, in every society there is a social cost of going out of the way, sometimes ignoring the wrong doings makes people bolder and more might be tempted to follow suit. For instance, if a man is known to regularly visit proostitutes, most people will not like to be friends with him. However, if people feel there is no social cost of such behavior, he might encourage other to bahve similarly.
Re: Mother in law's boyfriend
Secondly, in every society there is a social cost of going out of the way, sometimes ignoring the wrong doings makes people bolder and more might be tempted to follow suit. For instance, if a man is known to regularly visit proostitutes, most people will not like to be friends with him. However, if people feel there is no social cost of such behavior, he might encourage other to bahve similarly.
I disagree. In used to live in Denmark, where prostitution is legal and viewed as acceptable by a large section of the population. Despite being legal and readily available, studies carried out by the Sundhedsstyrelsen (National Board of Health, if you will) via statistics gathered from the prostitutes themselves (not their clients) indicated that the majority of Danes do not engage the procurement of prostitutes and that an overwhelming majority of the prostitutes' clients were tourists or foreigners. This actually demonstrates the opposite of your claim. In other words, people did not feel encouraged to visit prostitutes just because there is no social cost attached to it. When something is legal and acceptable and has no social cost, people seem to lose interest in the activity. It's when something carries a huge social cost that people seem to be attracted to it ("the lure of the forbidden", so to speak).
Let's agree to disagree on this one :)
Re: Mother in law's boyfriend
Ofcourse^
But also brothel clients are also tourists more often in almost any place, for they have less fear of being spotted in another country.
Re: Mother in law's boyfriend
Locked on OP's request