First I’ll state that my MIL had four sons and no girls. So when I married her son, I was the first DIL in the family. My husband is a momma’s boy. I learned quickly that he did everything his mother told him to and actually everyone in the family did. She orders her husband around too. My FIL told me I should just do whatever she says. So I understood this new family dynamic. It was VERY different from my own home. My MIL was THE BOSS. She had her ways of manipulating everyone and controlling everyone to get what she wanted.
So it’s the day after my Waleema. My MIL’s demeanor was very different that morning. She was suddenly barking orders at me. She had me put every wedding gift into a bag with the gift receipt. Then she had me load them into the car and drive them to the department store with her. I stood behind her as she returns EVERYTHING. The girl at the cashier is looking at me like she’s trying to figure out what’s going on. Then my MIL kept all of the store credit for herself to do her shopping. Later she took all of the money given to us as wedding gifts and puts it into some kind of stocks. Less than a year later these tech stocks crash to almost nothing.
This was over ten years ago and I’ve never breathed a word of it to my MIL, or husband. I am the strong, silent type. I keep my dignity and I know that Allah rewards you in this life and the After Life. I’m not petty. However… for over ten years I’ve just accepted this kind of behavior from my MIL over and over. Everyone has. Nobody dares to stand up to her. They just sneak around her. I live on the opposite coast as her so that gives me a buffer.
My question is, how do you deal with somebody so overbearing and controlling ALL the time? Sometimes she says the cruelest, rudest things. Then she has the nerve to complain to my husband that I was “cold” on the phone with her. I honestly can’t have a trusting and loving relationship with her. So I keep it very civil and friendly on the surface.
oh no…another of those MIL_DIL thread! i suggest you buy one 5-litre can of gasoline and one match box…keep it in an easy-to-reach place…your fight may just escalate to that level where you might have to use it on her in self defense! one flash and bingo!..the problem is solved!!!
just kidding!
be patient, tell your husband to grow up a lil so she doesn’t have to be his momma’s child…i believe a wife can easily mold her husband. you just use your wits! everyone is born with some wits!
My husband and I communicate well. So he knows pretty much everything. He also says she's not right in what she does. I'm concerned now because a new DIL is coming into the family. And she's a nice girl. She doesn't have a clue what's in store for her! I feel bad for her. I think I'm strong and independent. But this DIL will be living in the same house as my MIL.
Be a typical Pakistani. Establish an opposition group. Get the new DIL to join you as co-chairperson and then ask the Supreme Court to disbar you MIL from power.
Yup. That is how Pakis do it. Or stage a coup d'etat.
Maybe confront her (in the nicest way possible) someday? Maybe she doesn't realize she's like this. If no one in her family has ever stood up to her I doubt she even thinks she's offensive and rude to people.
Honestly I cant see anyone giving you any better advice than what you've actually followed throughout your married life yourself. I mean seriously, patience is all there is that anyone could encourage/emphasize to give in the end. And you clearly seem to have bucket loads of that at your disposal.
Salute you, I just did. Not because your MIL is being a bit of a witch but rather because you seem to come across as one limited edition for a woman. Serve you tea with a glove on. Or pretend I can do a monkey dance when I know I couldn't do it to save my life. I so would do. :D
I know someone just like your MIL.They love having all the power and take pride in it and amazingly everyone around them obliges..!
She lives across the country so just let her live her life and you live yours.Unfortunately that is the only thing which I have seen working.It is impossible for people like her to change.God have mercy on the people( and marriages) who have to deal with her on a daily basis.
P.S..I remember you and your gorgeous girls.I have not seen you posting in a while.Hope all has been well..:)
I know someone just like your MIL.They love having all the power and take pride in it and amazingly everyone around them obliges..!
She lives across the country so just let her live her life and you live yours.Unfortunately that is the only thing which I have seen working.It is impossible for people like her to change.God have mercy on the people( and marriages) who have to deal with her on a daily basis.
P.S..I remember you and your gorgeous girls.I have not seen you posting in a while.Hope all has been well..:)
Thank you Exodus and Chips6 for your kind words. I haven't posted here in years. I just returned today! My girls are well Alhamdolillah.
10 years ago and you've not said anything so far to her? I dont think you can do much now. IMO, a demon has to be set straight from the start or you've to live with it.
one flash and bingo!..the problem is solved!!! 
