Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
I don't get it** (not to single out this situaiton or anyone here..just speaking very generally)**......some women put up with alot of crap......if they speak up in the beginning, they're considered all sortsa bad things.... if they put up with it out of love/fear/patience/whatever... they're then criticized for putting up with it.
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
There are things you have to learn to live with and there are things you can fix. I dont it will be possible for OP to "fix" the controlling nature of her MIL after having been in the relationship for 10 years.
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
There are things you have to learn to live with and there are things you can fix. I dont it will be possible for OP to "fix" the controlling nature of her MIL after having been in the relationship for 10 years.
Agree......
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
Sara516, I don't think she's being criticized.
Saimanyc, you have a heart of gold. Don't change a thing. Glad to see you back ... I also remember you and your gorgeous girls. Hope all is well.
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
No she is not. But I also said I was speaking generally and not specifically. :)
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
Oh wow, I recently dealt with a woman similar to what you're describing here. I too decided to let things go and brush it aside, but it came down to her just being cruel and selfish to the point that I actually had to say something and defend myself. Of course by now she was used to me being the doormat and when I called her out on things or tried to talk it out, it was nothing short of chaotic. People like these need a dose of their own medicine, you can't be nice because they'll walk all over you. It needs to be nipped in the bud and they need to be shown that they're not dealing with someone who'll hide their messiness to maintain peace.
I'm sorry for your situation. It's horrible that she would essentially 'steal' from her own son's wife. Tsk.
Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
If my MIL does something that I feel isn't right then I communicate with my husband who's very understanding. Try communicating with yours? Maybe he might help next time your MIL says anything? Otherwise just let it be really. I mean you've coped for ten years. In one ear and out the other I say.
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
Ur MIL is control freak yo. Aight..if this would have been my mother and i am sure what i am saying. I would really tell her not to be so much involved in my wife's issues and life. Basically let her be..but again i ain't momma boy. An advantage of being female majority in my house mostly.
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
Ok, I'll keep doing what I'm doing. It's not that I'm just putting up with it. I'm actually keeping peace in the family. In some ways I feel bad for her. She apparently became "unhinged" when there was a death in the family years ago. Since then she has some OCD type issues like overeating, obsessive shopping, hoarding. I see extreme insecurity in her. She is terrified of losing people and their love. So the need to control everyone and everything is a psychological too she uses to ease her anxiety.
Underneath it all she has great depression and anxiety. To me she is very easy to predict and understand based on these psychological issues. But she doesn't see it herself. She pushes her real emotions away and replaces them with obsessive shopping and hoarding. Anyways, the situation is not black and white. It's easy to say, just ignore her and move on. The reality is that she is my husband's mother and she is not mentally well. When she is really old, I WILL take care of her. Even though she has hurt me, I feel bad for her.
It's just hard to deal with her right now. And I'm smart enough to understand her. But this new DIL may not understand.
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
You have such a lovely attitude....
I guess the only thing you can do is to just be there for your devrani as someone whos' already been through her situation.
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
Are you on friendly terms with the devrani...?Once she comes into the family maybe you can give her a heads up...?..Ten years is a long time for adaptations and acclimatisation and you have learned how to deal with your MIL,while the new bahu still needs to face it all.The MIL's behavior might come as a shock to her and discussing it with her how to deal with it,might help her.I dont necessarily mean making er go against the MIL and plan a coup,if you know what I mean.
I understand when you say that it is not all black and white.And since she your husband's mom,it is actually not easy or possible to pretend she or her issues do not exist,because they do and always will be there.
The person I said in my last post,I know to be like your MIL,seems to have psych issues as well.He does not acknowledge it ,but the times I have heard him talk makes me think he is schizophrenic.
Well,it is a tough situation to be in.All the best,iA.
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
You should warn your devrani about your MIL.
It isn't nice to let someone fall into trouble when u can warn them.
Some MILs can be impossible to live with.
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
So it's the day after my Waleema. My MIL's demeanor was very different that morning. She was suddenly barking orders at me. She had me put every wedding gift into a bag with the gift receipt. Then she had me load them into the car and drive them to the department store with her. I stood behind her as she returns EVERYTHING. The girl at the cashier is looking at me like she's trying to figure out what's going on. Then my MIL kept all of the store credit for herself to do her shopping. Later she took all of the money given to us as wedding gifts and puts it into some kind of stocks. Less than a year later these tech stocks crash to almost nothing.
Did you received the gifts with receipts?
Usually you don't gift someone with receipt
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
^ People give "gift receipts" along with the gifts
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
So it's the day after my Waleema. My MIL's demeanor was very different that morning. She was suddenly barking orders at me. She had me put every wedding gift into a bag with the gift receipt. Then she had me load them into the car and drive them to the department store with her. I stood behind her as she returns EVERYTHING. The girl at the cashier is looking at me like she's trying to figure out what's going on. Then my MIL kept all of the store credit for herself to do her shopping. Later she took all of the money given to us as wedding gifts and puts it into some kind of stocks. Less than a year later these tech stocks crash to almost nothing.
Did you received the gifts with receipts? Usually you don't gift someone with receipt
In USA/Canada, when you buy a gift for someone, you have the option of asking for a "gift receipt" that will allow the recipient to go back to the store and exchange or return the gift for a store credit if they do not like or need the original purchase. The gift receipt does not show the purchase price to the recipient. It's a very common and accepted practice here.
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
I stand corrected
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
saima,
hats off to you for your patience, perseverance and good nature. mA you are a wonderful bahu and wife. may Allah reward you well for your efforts and kind thoughts.
I agree that you should take a step back and let the new DIL find her own way. if she comes to you with concerns and asks for your advice then definitely show her the path that you have taken....otherwise let her learn in her own way rather than plant seeds of doubt and end up being the trouble-maker.
good to have you back btw!
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
In USA/Canada, when you buy a gift for someone, you have the option of asking for a "gift receipt" that will allow the recipient to go back to the store and exchange or return the gift for a store credit if they do not like or need the original purchase. The gift receipt does not show the purchase price to the recipient. It's a very common and accepted practice here.
this can be printed as-is behind the receipts of Wal-Mart & Target
Great work Khatti :D
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
The top portion of her post was taken from the OP’s original post, haina? She just copied and pasted without the quote brackets? 
Re: Mother-In-Law and Wedding Gifts
Rozay may 