Re: Mother being treated badly by grandmother (her MIL)
I havent gone to the extent of not talking to her, and not giving her water when she asks, but I do feel anger towards her for what she has done to my mother. I still talk to her, I help her when she asks for it, but I dont do that extra stuff that "pakistani grandkids" do....for instance, one of my other cousins will come over and massage her feet, or massage her legs, but I would never do that.
Let me tell you whats even worse....my parents have a "satta-watta" marriage. So 2 of my dads sisters (not the ones who lived with us, he has 4 sisters in total, they are still in pakistan) are married to my mom's 2 brothers. My mumani's (who are also my popoh's) treated my mom's mom (my nani - she has passed away now) like crap. They wouldnt give her food, they wouldnt let the naukrani's wash her clothes, when they had guests over they would scrap left over food off their plates and give it to my nani. When my nani got really sick, and couldnt do anything for herself anymore they told their husbands (my mamoo's), send your mom to your sisters house (my khala in pakistan), we dont want her here, and its not our responsibility to take care of her. So they ignored the fact that my mom is taking so much care of their mom, and just sent her mom away! All this was told to my mother by one of their very close family friends from when she was growing up, he still lived in the same neighbourhood and would visit them often. My nani was like a second mother to him, and he couldnt stand to see her be treated this way, so he begged my khala and my mom to take her out of the house. So when my mamoo's told my khala that we cant take care of our mother anymore, she brought her over to her own house, and took care of her. And my khala's husband was so kind to my nani, and took care of everything that she needed, and my khala's kids treated her so well as well.
Re: Mother being treated badly by grandmother (her MIL)
I'm pretty sure that people who understand him don't agree with the not giving water part, they just agree with the anger because they have gone through something similar ..........or at least I hope
Re: Mother being treated badly by grandmother (her MIL)
Wow, You are like I denied water to some woman on her deathbed. She just asked the frekin maid :p
Dude whatever it was is your business. you did refuse to give her water when you could've easily.
My primary problem is not with you but people who are condoning this behaviour. These are the same people who would have massive issues if a man calls his wife a B*****
Re: Mother being treated badly by grandmother (her MIL)
@saima. i m sorry but why is everyone being evil to yr mother n her family? i dnt think this is a complete story here. Why did u mom put up with yr grandmother's torture? And wat's up with yr mamo's tolerating their wives ****y behavior? Is your side of family saints or what?!
Re: Mother being treated badly by grandmother (her MIL)
my mother has never told me not to like my grandmother, or not to do things for her. I have my own eyes, I have my own ears, I have my own thought process. I see exactly what happens, i hear exactly what happens, I comprehend exactly what happens, I have formed my own opinions. Just like Im sure Icesoul was not told by his/her mother to hate the grandmother, it was the reaction to the behaviour they saw in their house. Hatred doesnt only come from what people tell you, it comes from your opinions based on your own experiences.
Re: Mother being treated badly by grandmother (her MIL)
I havent gone to the extent of not talking to her, and not giving her water when she asks, but I do feel anger towards her for what she has done to my mother. I still talk to her, I help her when she asks for it, but I dont do that extra stuff that "pakistani grandkids" do....for instance, one of my other cousins will come over and massage her feet, or massage her legs, but I would never do that.
Let me tell you whats even worse....my parents have a "satta-watta" marriage. So 2 of my dads sisters (not the ones who lived with us, he has 4 sisters in total, they are still in pakistan) are married to my mom's 2 brothers. My mumani's (who are also my popoh's) treated my mom's mom (my nani - she has passed away now) like crap. They wouldnt give her food, they wouldnt let the naukrani's wash her clothes, when they had guests over they would scrap left over food off their plates and give it to my nani. When my nani got really sick, and couldnt do anything for herself anymore they told their husbands (my mamoo's), send your mom to your sisters house (my khala in pakistan), we dont want her here, and its not our responsibility to take care of her. So they ignored the fact that my mom is taking so much care of their mom, and just sent her mom away! All this was told to my mother by one of their very close family friends from when she was growing up, he still lived in the same neighbourhood and would visit them often. My nani was like a second mother to him, and he couldnt stand to see her be treated this way, so he begged my khala and my mom to take her out of the house. So when my mamoo's told my khala that we cant take care of our mother anymore, she brought her over to her own house, and took care of her. And my khala's husband was so kind to my nani, and took care of everything that she needed, and my khala's kids treated her so well as well.
I understand your situation and that your dad's side of the family didn't treat their in-laws properly. You are right in harboring descent against them and that is all fine and I mean you still have a nice attitude towards them and kudos to you for doing that. I hope things turn out for the best for you.
If you don't mind me asking do you think your mamoos and your dad get some of the blame too ?
Re: Mother being treated badly by grandmother (her MIL)
Are you guys FREAKING kidding me ?? the guy didn't bother giving a dying woman water and some of you understand. I don't care what that woman did but this is just unacceptable behaviour. There is so much rant and hatred if a man swears at a woman let alone anything else and here someone denied a dying lady a glass of water and you guys are ok and understanding of that. This is just sad and pathetic.
Thats perfectly alright to do in this 'DIL' croud....you could throw any charges at them (the guy and the ILS)....and get encouragement/reinforcement of that behaviour...the example of which you see...
next in lin..........did she you peole some stuff?? or just the lame accusations and gave all her belonging to your phoophos?? i expect that evil deed from her.........your mom n your family take care of her...and in the end she gives it all to the phopppooos...
Re: Mother being treated badly by grandmother (her MIL)
Ahhh it's so easy for us to sit on our perches and judge others isn't it? Perhaps if all of us had our mothers treated like shyte our entire life by someone who lived in our house and couldn't do a thing about it, we wouldn't be so quick to do so. Just a thought. And no, my paternal grandma died before I was born, so I'm not talking about myself.
Re: Mother being treated badly by grandmother (her MIL)
my mother has never told me not to like my grandmother, or not to do things for her. I have my own eyes, I have my own ears, I have my own thought process. I see exactly what happens, i hear exactly what happens, I comprehend exactly what happens, I have formed my own opinions. Just like Im sure Icesoul was not told by his/her mother to hate the grandmother, it was the reaction to the behaviour they saw in their house. Hatred doesnt only come from what people tell you, it comes from your opinions based on your own experiences.
So you think your grandparents never loved you and treated you nicely?
Re: Mother being treated badly by grandmother (her MIL)
Dude whatever it was is your business. you did refuse to give her water when you could've easily.
My primary problem is not with you but people who are condoning this behaviour. These are the same people who would have massive issues if a man calls his wife a B*****
each to their own, only that person knows how they feel/what they would do if someone treats their mum badly,.and the OP didnt even say what happened to its mother, if we knew amybe we would understand.
i know i wouldnt give a certain uncle of mine a glass of water EVEN IF HE WAS DYing because
a} HE TRIED IT ON with my disabled sister, f***** a**** ) HEs 60, she was 14, and has downs syndrome....
b} he conned people out of money
c- he beats his wife
d-he is in the uk illegally..
e-and wants the con the system out of benefits
Re: Mother being treated badly by grandmother (her MIL)
Ahhh it's so easy for us to sit on our perches and judge others isn't it? Perhaps if all of us had our mothers treated like shyte our entire life by someone who lived in our house and couldn't do a thing about it, we wouldn't be so quick to do so. Just a thought. And no, my paternal grandma died before I was born, so I'm not talking about myself.
I agree with your point partyslims that it is easy for us to sit on a chair and pass judgement. As such my problem is not with the OP as mucha s some of these memebers who totally understand this and condone this kind of behaviour
Re: Mother being treated badly by grandmother (her MIL)
@saima. i m sorry but why is everyone being evil to yr mother n her family? i dnt think this is a complete story here. Why did u mom put up with yr grandmother's torture? And wat's up with yr mamo's tolerating their wives ****y behavior? Is your side of family saints or what?!
They arent saints, but my popoh's are pretty close to being evil. My mamoo's put up with it, cause they are weak (have no backbone), not saints. They couldnt even stand up to their own wives. My mother put up with it for a couple reasons - she loves my father, and she has no where else to go. She has no family here, other than my father and her kids. Our parents generation is very different from ours. In their generation they just deal with all this stuff. If this was happening to someone in our generation, they would leave - they would have other things to fall back on. My mother didnt have anywhere to go, and nothing else to fall back on. Sometimes the only thing you can do is put up with it.
Re: Mother being treated badly by grandmother (her MIL)
No matter how badly my inlaws treat me I'm never gonna instill any hatred in my kids for their grandparents and phupos.
I don't think ANY mother does that, 99% of women even if htey have problems wiht their in laws will make sure their kids respect their grandparents/extended family.
Kids aren't stupid, they grow up seeing elders being unfair and mean to their mothers, they will hate those relatives too.
Re: Mother being treated badly by grandmother (her MIL)
I don't think ANY mother does that, 99% of women even if htey have problems wiht their in laws will make sure their kids respect their grandparents/extended family.
Kids aren't stupid, they grow up seeing elders being unfair and mean to their mothers, they will hate those relatives too.
I don't agree. I think it's mostly about the perception a mother gives to her children.
Re: Mother being treated badly by grandmother (her MIL)
I knew there was a reason I thought you were a bright kid Give the kid a prize!
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times - the ILs shouldn’t be managing the relationships - the blood relation should. If a DIL mistreats her MIL/SIL or any other IL - it’s up to the husband to put his foot down and get his wife to behave herself. Likewise, if a MIL or SIL misbehaves with the DIL - the son/brother must speak up for the wife. The man cannot sit back and say, sab’r karo or koi baat nahin or whatever! The guy has a responsibility to facilitate a positive relationship or at least one that is not acrimonious.
Re: Mother being treated badly by grandmother (her MIL)
each to their own, only that person knows how they feel/what they would do if someone treats their mum badly,.and the OP didnt even say what happened to its mother, if we knew amybe we would understand.
i know i wouldnt give a certain uncle of mine a glass of water EVEN IF HE WAS DYing because
a} HE TRIED IT ON with my disabled sister, f***** a**** ) HEs 60, she was 14, and has downs syndrome....
b} he conned people out of money
c- he beats his wife
d-he is in the uk illegally..
e-and wants the con the system out of benefits
i could go on..
would you give this man water..?
Nadz i understand your point that some people are bad and just horrible horrible people. What I am trying to say is that no matter what they did we shouldn't be condoning this kind of behaviour. This is not what our society/religion/our moral values teach us.
TW for your uncle i'd probably call the cops on him as far as water if he was dying. I would give him that because I wouldn't want that guilt on my shoulder that I denied a dying man water.
Give the kid a prize!