Most EVILLLL MIL EVER!!! I feel horrible for the poor girl!!!!

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: Most EVILLLL MIL EVER!!! I feel horrible for the poor girl!!!!

There has to be a way...where there is a will there is a way.

I think its time to put our sneaky little thinking caps on ladies. The girl needs help.

42

Agree. Doesn't matter how out there or crazy the idea may seem. Start brainstorming and generating.

*** First find out what this girl wants. Does she even want out?

*** Go to her house with other people. Distract the in-laws. Make an excuse to go to the bathroom. (Maybe take enough people with you to create a distraction). Somehow use that little break to talk to the girl.

1) Recording or taping device?

2) Testimonies from other people that might give an idea of abuse

3) Reporting to the authorities AFTER getting sufficient witnesses. Asking the authorities to take someone who can serve as a translator so there is no manipulation from the in-laws.

4) Try to positively influence the girl's husband. Make him realize (indirectly even) that he needs to become a better husband. Hmm, blackmail husband.

43

Re: Most EVILLLL MIL EVER!!! I feel horrible for the poor girl!!!!

Okay here's another crazy idea, Ria.

How about if your mom or some other relative invite the girl's in-laws. Let's say for simplicity's sake that your mom invites the in-laws over. Your mom can act like she doesn't like the girl and only wants to invite the in-laws. The in-laws probably won't be interested in bringing her to your house anyways. So........chances are that she may be left alone at her own home. So......while your family is entertaining the nasty in-laws.............someone from your house (you, for example) can head over to visit the GIRL at HER house. Hopefully she'll be alone.

If your family can't do the inviting.......get some other relative to join you in this plan and invite those monsters over. If they can ALL can be convinced to attend the gathering....and if they leave the girl alone......it may give someone the chance to visit her at the home. What do you think? Crazy?

44

Re: Most EVILLLL MIL EVER!!! I feel horrible for the poor girl!!!!

RIA1328......where does she live?? ill go over myself and sort the MIL and SIL out!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!

45

Re: Most EVILLLL MIL EVER!!! I feel horrible for the poor girl!!!!

poor girl

46

Re: Most EVILLLL MIL EVER!!! I feel horrible for the poor girl!!!!

I have lived with such a ill minded family. We can not think to their level that I can promise. We can never predict what their next step would be !

I don't know much about the laws of USA. I was wondering if she is really willing to get out from this mess along with her son. Can't she go to some authorities and take shelter. What worse they would do then ? will try to take away the son ? but if she will already be in a shelter I doub't that would become so easy , off course there would be a legal battle for the custody of son. But I am sure that she'll win the custody and after that she can go back to her country and have a fresh new start !

But whatever I have written above needs alot of strength from the girl here and support from her family. If her family is not willing to support her and is not willing to take her back and accept her son then I think it would be very difficult for her to take a step. All the previous threads have stated that she doesn't have any contact with her family so I assume she'd not be able to communicate to them before taking any step.

But if they keep an eye on each and every step of her's I wonder how she'll ever get out ! may be then RV's idea of calling her inlaws for a dawat and your place but this all requires alot of planning and for this I feel you need to befriend with her. May be you can start by befriending with her SIL or MIL which I know would be so so difficult ! But that would give an access to their home !

Calling her paindoo is just so so cheap! If she was that much paindoo to them why did they got her married to their son ? some people are just so disgusting !

May Allah eases her pain and pave a path of freedom for her ameen

47

My sister lived with this type of family too. The worse thing was that she was actually british born and highly educated but they still thought they could treat them this way because they were the guy and the girl had to accept it all.

Her hubby was just like the guy described in the post, my sister ended up walking out and whilst the guy did get a wake up call he still struggled to go against 28 years of brain washing

When u approach the girl, give her time to think, dont expect any answers straight away, outline all her options to her but let her make the final decision.
I know when my sister was approached by one thier family friends daughter my sister was really hesistant about talking to her in case she was sent from the in laws to test and that later they would use it against her!! so she might not trust u straight away, dont be offended its just what living in that environment has done to her.

Once u get a chance to talk to her, maybe tell her that u will pop back to visit in a couple of weeks and if she wants to leave she can make a certain gesture to u, if not then same thing. That way u can take it from there.

If she does leave, make sure the authorities are involved, they can give her protection in case her in laws try to "punish" her for leaving in the first place. Dont worry about the evidence too much at this stage, the authorities in the west are usually v sympathetic to girls in this situation and have a huge amount of experience.

Inshallaha Allah only does what is best for ppl.

48

Re: Most EVILLLL MIL EVER!!! I feel horrible for the poor girl!!!!

*I like all those ideas ladies. But the main thing would be to find out what the girl wants. She trusts us so hopefully that won't be a problem. Hmmm......Omg one of the SIL's just callled my mom as I am writint this so I'll have to see whatthe witches said. I also think if I can find the first exwife of the BIL and the second eife/exwife it could help her case. What do you guys think? *

49

Re: Most EVILLLL MIL EVER!!! I feel horrible for the poor girl!!!!

I like the idea of getting abuse agencies involved. DCF - report the case to them. They can't keep important documents from her, prevent her from travelling and do all this. Tell her to get their comments on tape, and then to take the evidence to legal counsel. She should get out of this sick family while she can, and let the entire community know about their antics so no other bechari larki falls into their grips.

What nonsense.

50

Awww!! I hate that in laws are so stupid sometimes! Good for your sister for getting out of there and thank allah that the idiot husband got a spine! (No offense to you since he is your BIL) I realize it must be hard to get throught that kind of brainwashing but still, you must have some common sense; dont you see what other couples are like, what other married families do? UGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! How are they doing now diamond?

51

Have you told this girl that this is what they're planning on doing? Your family should intervene for her sake and not allow her to be sent to Pakistan.

I would honestly get in a car ,drive to her house, tell her and her kid to get in and take them away and then help get her a lawyer to press charges.

52

*She knows, they told her right to her face. *

UPDATE!!!!! I really don't know what to think of this, but they are now letting her get a job....probably with her husband at a retail store. Maybe it's just me but this feels like another way to get her away from her son....

53

Hey - well even though i said he had a bit of a reality check, he later went onto to say that whatever my family have done u should be the one compromise. his family went even more physco and then my bil admitted that even though they r wrong he cant say anything to them and that my sis should just compromise. so although the initial shock did make him have a reality check he just did not have the strength or the ability to do anything about it, they just pressurise him to the max. they are currently seperated. Inshallaha Allah does only the best for ppl.

54

Re: Most EVILLLL MIL EVER!!! I feel horrible for the poor girl!!!!

AWWWWW!!!!!! I think it's probably the mentality, that "Oh they are my parents they did so much for me so she should be able to understand." Guys like those are just cowards and no where in Islam does it say that a human has the right to walk over another human being. Heck, even slaves are supposed to be treated like humans which they are. I hope everything works out for your sister inshallah!

55

Re: Most EVILLLL MIL EVER!!! I feel horrible for the poor girl!!!!

Yeah, they are HIS parents. Meaning, they are HIS responsibility. Doing things because you care for your family and genuinely want to help out is different. Being told to do things because you are a bahu and are now required to be a slave...no where in Islam does it say that MIL and FIL are DIL's responsibility.

56

Re: Most EVILLLL MIL EVER!!! I feel horrible for the poor girl!!!!

Why do such people even get their sons/daughters married? Crazy psychos

57

For the novelty, to show off to their friends, "Look how polite she is, she's so beautiful, she does all the work..." To feel control over someone and control their every move and whim, to break their spirits, I could go on and on!!!

58

I too ask this question. The worse is that you came to know their reality only after getting married.

59

Let me see if I have all of this straight and my apologies if I missed anything...there are a LOT of posts and I haven't read through all of them:

  1. The girl is in the States
  2. She is now a citizen? Or a valid greencard holder? Which is it?
  3. For whatever reason, she's treated like crap and not allowed ANY contact with the outside world.
  4. In laws want to dump her in PK and then have the son divorce her and keep their grandson to raise
  5. The inlaws are now allowing her to work?

If she's a citizen or even a legal permanent resident (LPR), she's got RIGHTS.

But here's the thing...she needs to ask for help. I know you said that she's watched carefully and not allowed out, not allowed to make calls, email, etc...but she has to get the word out SOMEHOW to the authorities...it doesn't matter who it is (police, INS, a senator's office, even a woman's shelter) but she needs to communicate this to someone. Only then can someone step in and get things started to get her out of that hell hole.

And that's the problem, isn't it? From what I've read, she can't even step outside her bedroom. Ok. But you and your family do communicate with her sometimes, yes? She trusts you? Could you maybe write something on her behalf and quickly get her to sign it? And then pass it on to the cops or INS or a woman's shelter (I think the best bet would be a woman's shelter...preferably one that has a sizable immigrant population as they probably deal with this stuff all the time). Is this possible?

60

*Yup, you got it in a nutshell. Right now, my plan is to talk to her when we go there, see what she wants, and work off of that. If she agrees, I wanna see if I can get a lawyer to do a pro bono case, and report to either ACLU or USCIS, or even both. *