Perhaps you could befriend the girl to give her some moral support and help her cope. I'm sure she's looking for someone to talk to.
It seems, based on the post, that the in-laws have got a real tight grip on her. They don't allow her to go out, make phone calls. They watch her like a hawk...and in this case, I doubt that they'd risk letting anyone befriend her for fear that she reveal the truth about them.
Re: Most EVILLLL MIL EVER!!! I feel horrible for the poor girl!!!!
WOW
I would befriend her zabaradasti..even against the inlaws wishes....whatever excuse they ave, tell them to stick it....goshh wish i knew them.....
It seems, based on the post, that the in-laws have got a real tight grip on her. They don't allow her to go out, make phone calls. They watch her like a hawk...and in this case, I doubt that they'd risk letting anyone befriend her for fear that she reveal the truth about them.
Yea and we used to email her, but then she stopped emailing back, and I asked my mom and she was like because they watch her email account too. They call her paindoo and pagal and all to everyone of the neighbors.
I'll be completely honest here ! there is nothing anyone can do to change that girl's life. if the husband is not willing to change himself and if he doesn't love her or his child then no one can do anything to put love in his heart . It's the truth the bitter truth. I just wonder why hasn't the girl's family has never taken any step like talking with the family may be because they are in the other country. But I can tell u that people who are so evil don't change in 1 day. They can never learn they can never change. Only God can teach them a lesson ! I think only the girl can a step for herself if she has soo much of strength.
May Allah Help Her Ameen !
They can't do anything. I don't think they even know the extent of abuse she goes through. We only see it cause my aunt, nano and mama actually see through all their lies and whatnot, so that's how we know. She used to be allowed to call them for only one month, but I don't think she can even do that now.
Kinzz some people are brought up in a way to realize huqooq of only parents & siblings. wife and children comes in last category. These type of people mold islamic teachings according to their own benefits they 'll take what is in their favour while ignore the rest.
I can guarantee that even islamic teachings will not work on them they'll find an excuse to ignore them and will make themselves look right !
Diamond, these people have never read namaz as far as I know, but they do dawat's and I have never seen any of them have a quuran in hand. It's not even the parents and siblings, it's just that she comes from a poor family soo they feel as if they can make her into a slave and it pisses me off soooooo much!!!!
i just HATEEEEEEEEE this part...so they are using her son to black mail her????????
may be the girl is NOT telling about this to her family coz she thinks they will send back her to her country and will keep her son?????
Yea essentially that's what they are doing, along with cutting off her "parr" (the MIL'S word not mine).
** They call her paindoo and pagal and all to everyone of the neighbors.**
You've already told us that. It doesn't matter what names and insults the in-laws hurl at her. The important thing is for her to find relief somehow. Did you read my last post about asking some trusted guys to befriend this girl's husband.....hang out with him several times.....and subtly/indirectly guide him and make him stronger???? You think it can work? Go read that post.
As for the emails she sent? Did she mention anything in those emails about being abused by her in-laws? If so, save those emails. You never know how they might come in handy as evidence.
i don't understand it. don't these MIL's realize that they're going to get old too? and who's going to take care of them when they can't even clean their own mouth after eating? certainly not the son, and definitely not the grandchildren after they witnessed how their own grandmother treated their mom. it all comes down to the DIL. and what if she finally decides to treat her MIL like crap after all the things she put her through in her old age. that's not the time to be mistreated, no matter what culture you come from.
I don't even think they plan on keeping them married. They want her to go to Paki without her son and any papers, and they will have the son divorce her while she is there. That way, no way to come back and see her son ever again. I mean in the beginning when he was born, we went there and the MIL and SIL's NEVER EVER held him or picked him up and he always got hand me downs that were years upon years old while his cousins got new things and now all of them are putting them together, I guess in hopes that this will happen.
Poor MIL. She has an insane DIL. Such a tragedy to the family.
I really really hope that was sarcasm..........
Re: Most EVILLLL MIL EVER!!! I feel horrible for the poor girl!!!!
Could you trap or catch the in-laws somehow? Maybe you can ask them questions about her. And then record their answers? Obviously you don't want to record answers where they say that she's crazy. But if you can manage to record answers where the in-laws say something like "Oh we beat her up and don't care. She doesn't deserve food. We only give her food one time a week. She doesn't need to leave the house. We keep her locked up all the time and that's how it should be." Comments like THESE will make for a much stronger case.
******Also, keep in mind that just because you help her.......or just because some social worker tries to get her out of there..........doesn't mean that she will willingly go with them. She might have been brainwashed by her in-laws into thinking that she should always stay with them. She might even feel that she won't be able to financially support her kids on her own and that she should just stay married to him and endure his cowardice and their abuse.
In other words, getting her out of there, is going to involve MORE than just cunning and reporting to the right authorities......you may have to break down some psychological/emotional barriers.
You've already told us that. It doesn't matter what names and insults the in-laws hurl at her. The important thing is for her to find relief somehow. Did you read my last post about asking some trusted guys to befriend this girl's husband.....hang out with him several times.....and subtly/indirectly guide him and make him stronger???? You think it can work? Go read that post.
As for the emails she sent? Did she mention anything in those emails about being abused by her in-laws? If so, save those emails. You never know how they might come in handy as evidence.
I did but we never go down there much, maybe once evry year or something, and my dad is always working cause he has two jobs soooooo... My two older male cousins might, but one of them just hates the family with a passion, and the other one hangs out with the other brother who is on his second wife, AND he looks up to him. And I don't think that will do anything, the husband is just....not there anymore. I don't think he can even find that kind of strength. He watches cartoons, and plays games all day when he is home. I think that his mom and sisters have just gotten too far into his brain that everything is just ingrained.
Could you trap or catch the in-laws somehow? Maybe you can ask them questions about her. And then record their answers? Obviously you don't want to record answers where they say that she's crazy. But if you can manage to record answers where the in-laws say something like "Oh we beat her up and don't care. She doesn't deserve food. We only give her food one time a week. She doesn't need to leave the house. We keep her locked up all the time and that's how it should be." Comments like THESE will make for a much stronger case.
******Also, keep in mind that just because you help her.......or just because some social worker tries to get her out of there..........doesn't mean that she will willingly go with them. She might have been brainwashed by her in-laws into thinking that she should always stay with them. She might even feel that she won't be able to financially support her kids on her own and that she should just stay married to him and endure his cowardice and their abuse.
In other words, getting her out of there, is going to involve MORE than just cunning and reporting to the right authorities......you may have to break down some psychological/emotional barriers.
The thing is, they don't say these things. THey make themselves out to be the good ones, and the loving people who have taken this poor girl in and all that. SO we can't really catch them. My mom has been putting up with their greed and selfishness since we had to live there for a couple of months so she can see right through them.
I know she'll have some scars but she really is a strong girl. Last time we talked she had just had her son and basically ignored everything around her. She really is a strong girl, but I just want her to be able to keep her son and visit her family. I feel like a family with 2 divorces with another one probably coming soon, should speak volumes.
I did but we never go down there much, maybe once evry year or something, and my dad is always working cause he has two jobs soooooo... My two older male cousins might, but one of them just hates the family with a passion, and the other one hangs out with the other brother who is on his second wife, AND he looks up to him. And I don't think that will do anything, the husband is just....not there anymore. I don't think he can even find that kind of strength. He watches cartoons, and plays games all day when he is home. I think that his mom and sisters have just gotten too far into his brain that everything is just ingrained.
Ria, if you're truly interested in helping this girl, you can't just resign yourself to the thought that "Oh so n so is too busy and won't have the time" ...OR...."It's all been ingrained and nothing can be done."
If you sincerely desire to help......then you HAVE to create the time somehow. And you HAVE to meet up with some people and arrange a plan or maybe convince them to help you out......plan out a schedule or plan of action....and just follow it. Maybe these guys (your cousin) might know some other guys who would be willing to help. Sometimes, with the right words, you can persuade a person into doing a good thing to make a difference in someone's life. Try it out. Try putting aside some time to figure this out......figure a way to get in........talk with other people (perhaps your cousins). Talk to the cousin that HATES them. That hatred could be motivation for him to figure out a good plan. You all can sit together and scheme. Two heads are better than one....some good idea might come up.
The thing is, they don't say these things. THey make themselves out to be the good ones, and the loving people who have taken this poor girl in and all that. SO we can't really catch them. My mom has been putting up with their greed and selfishness since we had to live there for a couple of months so she can see right through them.
I know she'll have some scars but she really is a strong girl. Last time we talked she had just had her son and basically ignored everything around her. She really is a strong girl, but I just want her to be able to keep her son and visit her family. I feel like a family with 2 divorces with another one probably coming soon, should speak volumes.
Immigration authorities? Social workers? Maybe you and mum can file a complaint. Maybe they'll send someone over there who can speak to the girl ALONE. IF she can't speak English.......maybe the authorities should go with a netural or fair-minded person who can speak urdu and translate to English the girl's responses. But something should be done.
N if there's nothing at all, then just pray for her I guess. She may be strong herself.......but it's not a healthy environment for her son to grow in. It would be sad if he turns out whipped and weak like his father.
Ria, if you're truly interested in helping this girl, you can't just resign yourself to the thought that "Oh so n so is too busy and won't have the time" ...OR...."It's all been ingrained and nothing can be done."
If you sincerely desire to help......then you HAVE to create the time somehow. And you HAVE to meet up with some people and arrange a plan or maybe convince them to help you out......plan out a schedule or plan of action....and just follow it. Maybe these guys (your cousin) might know some other guys who would be willing to help. Sometimes, with the right words, you can persuade a person into doing a good thing to make a difference in someone's life. Try it out. Try putting aside some time to figure this out......figure a way to get in........talk with other people (perhaps your cousins). Talk to the cousin that HATES them. That hatred could be motivation for him to figure out a good plan. You all can sit together and scheme. Two heads are better than one....some good idea might come up.
Yea I have actually been thinking about it seriously. Like nexttime we go which should be soon, talking to her and asking her what SHE wants. Than I'll try to base everything off that answer. I just don't know. I pray for the poor girl whenever I can but I feel like we all actually need to do something too. If I could drive I would definitely, but since I can't I have to depend on everyone else :( I'll see what happens, talk to my cousins and my mom, and keep you guys updated. Thanks for not thinking I was insane lol.
Re: Most EVILLLL MIL EVER!!! I feel horrible for the poor girl!!!!
Why dont you just email her everything or call her up one day and tell her what you know over the phone? A mother finds the strength to defend herself when her child is involved. Does she know what they are planning??? IF she doesnt know, you have to tell her somehow ASAP.
Why dont you just email her everything or call her up one day and tell her what you know over the phone? A mother finds the strength to defend herself when her child is involved. Does she know what they are planning??? IF she doesnt know, you have to tell her somehow ASAP.
I think one of the major roadblocks here is that the in-laws watch this girl like a hawk and prevent her from having communication with others (for fear that she may rat them out), I think the OP mentioned that they don't allow her to have a cell phone, don't let her leave the home, don't let other talk to her.
The child here would and if not at all for herself...SHOULD be her biggest motivation to get out of there. But how does an outsider get in when everything is being so closely monitored.
It's sickening how some people are dead inside....it's like their conscience doesn't work.
completely agree with diamond!!! there are some seriously crazy folks out there who needs LOTS AND LOTS of counseling. try to see what the girl wants?? does she even want to be married to that? if she doesn't then I think you have better chances to help her.... but if she wants to stay then we all will have to help you come up with some creative ways to slap some manhood in that husband of hers! praying that it will work!
Kinzz some people are brought up in a way to realize huqooq of only parents & siblings. wife and children comes in last category. These type of people mold islamic teachings according to their own benefits they 'll take what is in their favour while ignore the rest.
I can guarantee that even islamic teachings will not work on them they'll find an excuse to ignore them and will make themselves look right !
completely agree with diamond!!! there are some seriously crazy folks out there who needs LOTS AND LOTS of counseling. try to see what the girl wants?? does she even want to be married to that? if she doesn't then I think you have better chances to help her.... but if she wants to stay then we all will have to help you come up with some creative ways to slap some manhood in that husband of hers! praying that it will work!
*She originally said no to the nikah but they "talked" her into it, so I don't think she wanted to be married to that man in the first place. It'sjust sickening and I really hope that something happens to them. *
The child here would and if not at all for herself...SHOULD be her biggest motivation to get out of there. But how does an outsider get in when everything is being so closely monitored.
How does someone get out when they don't even have permission to do the smallest of things, like take a walk around the house, or use the phone?