So My parents have decided to cancel everyones tickets to Pakistan - including mine. Saying that there izzat is now in the miteeeh and people are spitting on my dads face as we speak.
Thing is they never said - yes to this women. Plus tonnes rishtaa’s don’t actually go through. They spend over 1500 on clothes for my other males cousins - wife maybe less. So i feel bad.
And they are not like our rishtaa with these people are now severed because of me.
I was gardening today - in between work/trying keep self busy.
And they called me in - and asked my decision - I flately refused - they told me to get out and threatened to call the police. Which I told them to do - as police have better things to do.
Most of the time, the whole (I’ll kick you out) is an empty threat. If your parents are sooo self-conscious about their “izzat” before relatives in Pakistan…then they’d also be conscious of their reputation within the desi community where you live. Kicking out a daugther…would generate a lot of gossip (which they’re afraid of)…and they know that such gossip can further hinder rishtas…so most likely an empty threat. And if the do end up kicking you out…you’ll find a way to make it. If they do call the police (which is rather hilarious)…they would be the ones who’d be in bigger trouble if you were tell the police that they’re forcing you to get married against your will. LOL, your parents sooooooo did not think this through.
Stay strong…this can’t last forever. It will eventually blow over.
I hope so redvelvet - I just feel bad because - this may severe rishtaa's, they spent a large amount money for someone elses wedding and I have disappointed them.
I know they will get over it. But its such a dramatic thing to do to cancel tickets and a trip, etc.
I am sorry to say this but your parents are being ..... well words i won't use. Its your life. You can not marry some schmuck for your family's izzat. What about your life and future?
I dunno - they were like its true what foreigners say about girls from england, they don't listen to their parents and are ta*ts. I was bewildered LOL - some the stuff they say is so weird!
I am not like that in the slightest - nor never gave them cause. head, desk
I feel bad I am making them cry. They said to me get out a good couple of times. But so far unless they drag me out I am not budging.
I doubt this is easy for you. But its about time desi girls stood up for their rights. You can not be forced to do anything you don't want to do. I for one (for the zero value it has) am damn happy you are standing up for yourself and not giving into family and societal pressure.
ek minute ek minute i am a bit confused as to whats going on? pinkorchids sorry but u explained your situation in a very different way and i couldnot get it but reading all the posts this is what i am assuming. "your parents found a rishta for you in pak, did all the preps etc and when they asked you-you said no and now they are angry and threatening you to kick you out of the house etc etc" right?
I don't know but many people here think that parents finding a girl or guy for their kids is a wrong idea. Arranged marriages still work and have been working for many generations.. (looking in your own families). In this situation your parents should listen to you if you feel this person is not a good match for you. For your sake I hope you have a strong argument to why you feel this guy is not right for you. I think your parents need to calm down a little because this is a big shock for them and in pakistani culture something like this is a big fall on their respect in the family. Give them some time and stay calm because you don't want to taken an action that you will regret later in your life.
I hope so redvelvet - I just feel bad because - *this may severe rishtaa's, they spent a large amount money for someone elses wedding and I have disappointed them.
*
I know they will get over it. But its such a dramatic thing to do to cancel tickets and a trip, etc.
So? Your parents didn't have to spend a large amount of money for someone else's wedding...they could have chosen to spend less. They're adults and can choose to go to Pakistan....just like you're an adult and have every right not to go. You can't take the blame for decisions your parents chose to make themselves. That's immature parenting. And they KNOW that they're being dramatic.....in fact they're hoping that their over-the-top filmi drama will get you to cave in. So, don't fall for it.
***Your parents have been rather wishy-washy about this whole rishta. Sometimes they pressure you to marry him......and at other times they say that they're not going through with the rishta. Their inconsistent behavior is an indication (imo) that they themselves don't feel 100% satisfied at heart about this "match."
Oh and ANY relative who pressures you and who treats you like crap for not doing something that you have every right to refuse...............is NOT a caring relative and does not respect you....and therefore does not deserve respect from you. All the gifts and what not from relos don't mean squat when they're pushing you to do something that not only you have the right to refuse but can also ruin your life. Those types of relatives are more interested in their own happiness even if it comes at the expense of yours.....and you shouldn't worry about them.
I hope you don't take offense but your parents are complete wrong ones and need their heads checked
Let them cry, they're happily willing to FORCE you into a MARRIAGE with someone you don't like - when they KNOW you DONT WANT TO (and it could ruin your life)
I'm sure this is super hard for you, but hang in there :) It'll eventually blow over and your parents will get over it too. Hopefully it gets better inshallah
I was also told - you read namaz and quran and for what - the quran says you should respect your parents and back them 100%
pretty simple answer. Religiously speaking, parents cannot force their daughter to marry someone. That would be a Ghair-Sahar'ee amal. Islam says that obey your parents but when they are asking you to do any ghair-shara'ee amal. You are not doing anything anti-islamic by saying no to them in this matter.
