more issues. and tissues.

Lifestyle Relationships
1

so theres 2 issues.

firstly, few days ago, i asked my nand for money she had borrwed off me. i needed it. anyway, she mustve asked her mum, my mil, to give it to me from the money she had lent her mum. anyway mil then asked me why i needed it, what shopping i needed to do and bicharinand doesnt have it at the moment, and neither does she, how the bills are so high how i keep all the lights on in the house how she pays all the bijli bills etc. she then made a huge fuss and rang her husband my fil, togo get nadz her money`, she made a scene like i had demanded it. all i had simply said to my nand in our privae convo, was if she had it.

it turned intoa fuss, god knows what my fil thinks of me. hes a nice guy.
she then said to my nand only god can understand her..( me)…

er, what have i done?

ANYWAY the money was given to me, making m feel really bad the whole house knew about i, i told my husband, who was on my side and said don worry. although theres no side to be on, not like we had a fightt..

ok second issue-

stupid naukar woman, who had issue with underwear?, well she screamed at me, yes screamed, when i asked her to go get shopping, she said her son had already gone once, he cant go again etc etc and screamed at me.
next day- i asked her to take the peas out the pods, she said do it urself im busy, but she took the peas while saying this. i became very angry and told her not to make a face just do it. i didnt raise my voice as she had done to me previously.

the whole day she was moody, and now when told to make roti, i told her to make 5, few mins later i said make 1 more extra, she got pissed and said few things in pashto swear words i assume and carried on muttering and gave me a very dirty look.

my husband said he will deal with her tomorrow. she pretty scared of the men in the house. but my mil treats her like a best friend and doesnt let anyone say anything to her.

i know i shouldnt come here and rant all the time but its a few days worth, and im tired now. im coming across as someone whose a b!!ich. however i dont think i am.

so what do u guys think of the above.

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

plus what does this mean -il use REHA as a name in reference .

reha ko tu wo khatir ma nahi lati ur ma tu uskaliya koch nahi allah samjay

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

'could not agree with her more on this

ok I am joking :(

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

nadz: it is nothing. naukar in pakistan are like that especially if they have strong support behind them. and in your case, your maid is your MIL’s besht frand.

I dont think any issue, you just need to calm yourself, be polite and assign duties in the presence of FIL/Husband. She will never disrespect you.

Next time if she try to swear in pashto, you can record her video for future reference.

and I am not getting your money thing. you first para is quite confusing. I think you asked money from nand and then she made a drama and then your father in laws got upset with you but at the end you got money.

Why dont you ask money from you FIL instead of nanad, while you had bad experience in past.

:chai:

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

1- if your husband is ok with all the fuss created by your MIL and SIL .. then ignore the issue. The only important person that you need to come clean to is your husband. Ignore the rest.

2- The kam wali might be showing so much attitude coz of your MIL's support. Its best to keep distance from her. Just tell her what to do and ignore all of the rest ( her making faces, talking back at you , etc ) these kind of people are trouble i tell you .. Dont indulge yourself anymore then needed. and not needed that you have to complain to your husband about the kaam wali .. not worth it. Kaam wali is there to get the work done. your job is to let her know her list of kaam for the day. Do that and dont back away if she does something wrong in the quality of the kaam or refused to do so. Assert yourself with as few words as possible. She will come around eventually.

If you react to her in anyway or notice her irritating actions , she will do them even more !

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

Alright its just that L1 missed you and a new thread from you. Nothing to bother as long as your husband is on your side, so to speak. Take things easy, maid servant issues happen, you both are not equal to be compared, just leave her on her own. The money issue.. well your husband knows his family better, and looks like he didnt buy the drama, so why are you bothering? Lastly, if you think, you are coming across as a b!tch, try a reverse policy, be good, be nice.

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

the money was MINE, she had borrowed it from me. i was asking for it back.

im sure its clear in first sentence.

8

With you on this on both things!

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

ok. this is disturbing. she is senseless. what is your husband's take on this matter?

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

nadz, try to be friends with kaam wali, it will make your life much better.

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

My mums motto when lending money to anyone " it has gone down the well, only a foolish person will go and retrieve it"
I'm not saying your foolish, you did what was right. But when lending or loaning money always think I'm not getting it back can I afford to do just give it to this person.
My husbands older brothers wife always "borrowed" money until one time I asked for the total amount and she looked at me like I was an alien!!! She created a ehole rukkus over it. her husband just one day came to me paid the full amount quietly and said never to "loan" money to her. Lesson learnt.

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

Nadz:

The money this is not a big deal since your husband is not upset about it. Learn from this...do NOT lend ANYTHING to anyone from your husband's side ever again. If anyone asks for something, tell them that they need to ask your husband.

As for the kaam wali.....as I've told you before.....you and your husband do not pay her. And and your husband do not have the power to fire her. The kaam wali is under not obligation to do anything for you. Her actual boss (ie. your MIL) doesn't have any respect for you. So it's natural that the kaam wali also doesn't feel the need to respect you. Whether you like it or not....there is nothing you or your husband can do about this AS LONG AS your MIL supports the kaam wali.

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

If we can simply follow the sunnat way of loaning money, it would make the life so easy. A friend of mine who is very religious did that when he borrowed some money from me. He made two mutual friends witness and have them signed a letter stating how much money he is borrowing and when he is intending to return.

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

give the money to kaamwali. both problems solved.

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

I just hope that she washes her hands after cleaning underwear and before started making rotis.

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

Just assume that you gave Qarz-e-hasna to your nund

speaking of Qarz-e-hasna, eik joke arz kia hai

Person1: Qarz-e-Hasna kisey kehtey hain?

Person2: Jub aap kisi ko qarz daeen aur kuch arsay baad wapus mangeen aur ager wo Hasna shuru ker dai. Usey qarz-e-hasna kehtey hian

:chai:

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

Once again, I totally agree with Nadz. If the situation were reversed and she had been the one to borrow money from the nand, I don't doubt that her in-laws would have made a big to-do when asking for the money back. Here all she did was ask for her own money back and us pe bhi ussi ko sunna parra.

It's incidents like this where she can't win for trying that makes it feel pointless. Why should she be nice or nic*er *than the in-laws when no matter what she does, she'll always be made out to be the bad person. Just imagine living in a household where na ke ghar waalon ki sunee parti he, lekin sonay pe suhaaga, naukaron ki bhi sunee paray - I'd be miserable as well.

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

Damn ur inlaws r really scary Nadz....Don't ur parents say nythin? :O

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

^^Agree.. It's easy to say 'be nicer' but in reality ppl like that don't usually change when someone just puts up with it.. I have one or two in my family like this..

On the bright side at least she'll be leaving..

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Re: more issues. and tissues.

Im not totally caught up on your story yet, you are leaving Nadz?? Thats great! I cant help but feel love and sympathy for you because you post so often about this stuff. Dont you get tired from the drama? Agreed with most here.