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Who had a problem with underwear? Oh my God you made me laugh loud..
ye kaam wali or apki Mil apki khob chuglian kertin hain thats for sure … my suggestion is unethical but tell your Mil that kam wali hav said somethng bad abt her ..qasm se kam wali ki waat lag jaygi..
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So when you think of your MIL, you think of me? 
Anywayss, you’re right about all of it. But your approach may be wrong. You cannot change these people so best not let them get to you.
Nerves of steel baby…
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but who was reha ? I am still unclear.
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Lending money always end up fight if you ask back..
I once borrowed Money to my SIL when she was short of money when we were shopping together. It was 20 000 rupees and when I ask back she just return me 8000 and said she would return it in few days...it has been 2 years already
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I think you need to be patient and show some humbleness. That way, you would be able to get the favors of the maids and the lower staff at your inlaws' home. Keep this in your mind that it's not YOUR home. Don't mind but that's true and that's how it would work for you and your married life. Your concern should be your married life only, which you have to keep at a safe zone, that requires some CHANGE.
For instance, NEVER rely on ANYONE at home. Don't make them feel that you are dependent on their resources, maid would see you doing your own chores and by the time, she will offer her help to you. Wash your own clothes, make roti if it's required. Try to greet the maid with a formal smile. You can't change your MIL's opinion about you but at least you can create good terms with the maid, I don't think it's a big deal.
About the money then deal such matters with patience. Your task is to deal with them as a PSYCHOLOGIST not as a "Mazloom BAHU". I hope you are getting my point.
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honestly looks like your kaam walli will decide to murder you and run off with the jewels any day :O
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NO, i was rude to kaamwali. enough of the niceness.
and im now answering back to mil, and sundry. i dont give a flying fxxx.
also yes, im leaving soon. well march. and husband knows we will ;leave and get our own place in uk soon. so everyone here can fxxxx off.
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everyone here meaning in pak. not gupshup,
and REHA- sorryyyyyyyyyyyy, just used ur name in effect. NO u dnt remind me of my mil. :]
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Don't you think that you should leave a positive impact on everyone's mind before you leave? I mean being nice doesn't mean that you start flattering someone. It's all about being humble and showing that you are grown up enough to keep yourself aside from all the grudges and arguments.
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Don't you think that you should leave a positive impact on everyone's mind before you leave.....
I guess that was the idea. Make so much fuss about anything and everything that the husband has no choice but to move to UK.
Bhai pakkay jannatti hain.
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^ much easier said than done just to be nice to people who have put you through hell. Wasn't she nice when she did her SIL a favor and loan her money? (and im not saying that, that should of been the extent of it but she definitely was) she could of easily refused which would of started another drama I'm sure. People like thy cant be changed.
And does your statement mean that her husband isn't "jannatti" because he's taking his family out of a bad situation??? I dont understand this mindset. People should put themselves or their own sisters and mothers in these shoes before jumping to conclusions about another persons life and putting the blame all on one person.
I commend you nadzz for having to go through these crazy times but also now that you know your leaving I agree that you should be more passive about everything and just shrug it off!! I mean camon it's only a few more months. What I don't understand though is why after everything, if your husband is the main resource for everyone having money in their pockets, WHY did your SIL ask YOU when at the end of the day it was going to be coming out of your husbands pocket for you anyway. And two if it was your husband who was going to be paying it back why didn't you jut go to him in the first place instead of her. That's what I dont understand. Kaamwali situation just sucks, you should do your own thing to avoid drama especially in these last couple of months. But I am greed with you on this just think your approach is wrong but at the same time I know how it is in these situations and no matter what level of civility or maturity is shown from your end to handle these scenarios, in the end your husbands family has made their mind up about you and will never change in their behavior and actions regardless of your efforts to keep the respect. It's always a two way street, both parties need to do their bit.
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^ much easier said than done just to be nice to people who have put you through hell. Wasn't she nice when she did her SIL a favor and loan her money? (and im not saying that, that should of been the extent of it but she definitely was) she could of easily refused which would of started another drama I'm sure. People like thy cant be changed.
And does your statement mean that her husband isn't "jannatti" because he's taking his family out of a bad situation??? I dont understand this mindset. People should put themselves or their own sisters and mothers in these shoes before jumping to conclusions about another persons life and putting the blame all on one person. ** I commend you nadzz for having to go through these crazy times but also now that you know your leaving I agree that you should be more passive about everything and just shrug it off!! I mean camon it's only a few more months. What I don't understand though is why after everything, if your husband is the main resource for everyone having money in their pockets, WHY did your SIL ask YOU when at the end of the day it was going to be coming out of your husbands pocket for you anyway. And two if it was your husband who was going to be paying it back why didn't you jut go to him in the first place instead of her. That's what I dont understand. Kaamwali situation just sucks, you should do your own thing to avoid drama especially in these last couple of months. But I am greed with you on this just think your approach is wrong but at the same time I know how it is in these situations and no matter what level of civility or maturity is shown from your end to handle these scenarios, in the end your husbands family has made their mind up about you and will never change in their behavior and actions regardless of your efforts to keep the respect. **It's always a two way street, both parties need to do their bit.
Agree..
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Once again, I totally agree with Nadz. If the situation were reversed and she had been the one to borrow money from the nand, I don't doubt that her in-laws would have made a big to-do when asking for the money back. Here all she did was ask for her own money back and us pe bhi ussi ko sunna parra.
It's incidents like this where she can't win for trying that makes it feel pointless. Why should she be nice or nic*er *than the in-laws when no matter what she does, she'll always be made out to be the bad person. Just imagine living in a household where na ke ghar waalon ki sunee parti he, lekin sonay pe suhaaga, naukaron ki bhi sunee paray - I'd be miserable as well.
While I agree with the general concept of your post Sehrysh.....I disagree with the approach of always considering what would have happened "if the roles were reversed". If we were to always use this as a measure then there would be a whole lot more trouble in the world because nobody would "take the higher road" so to speak, in dealing with difficult people.
Under the circumstances that Nadz lives in with her in-laws, I wonder why she even lent the money to her nand? Why didn't she send the nand to the MIL or to her husband when she has a clear and concise understanding of the grief that could strike? (Even by your measure, I wonder if the nand would have been equally helpful if the tables were turned and Nadz needed the help.)
Nobody should have to endure what Nadz did when she asked for her money back. That's just wrong. Having said that, she should have let her husband ask for it rather then do it herself; just because she knows what she will end up dealing with in a band of drama queens.
The kaam wali will never be right with Nadz until and unless Nadz wins her over. Should Nadz do that? I don't know. Depends on how important it is for Nadz to have a "good" reputation in the region.......
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While I agree with the general concept of your post Sehrysh.....I disagree with the approach of always considering what would have happened "if the roles were reversed". If we were to always use this as a measure then there would be a *whole lot more trouble in the world because nobody would "take the higher road" so to speak, in dealing with difficult people. *
Generally speaking, 'taking the higher road' should not mean someone needing to ALWAYS be the one who has to sacrifice.. In reality that tends to lead to a lot of resentment and it's not healthy long-term for the individual in question or society as a whole..
Sweeping issues under the carpet and pretending everything is fine cos on the surface it can't be seen** often 20/30/40yrs down the line those ppl are treating others the way they were treated themselves..** Is it really too much to expect respect to go two ways???
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^ much easier said than done just to be nice to people who have put you through hell. Wasn't she nice when she did her SIL a favor and loan her money? (and im not saying that, that should of been the extent of it but she definitely was) she could of easily refused which would of started another drama I'm sure. People like thy cant be changed.
And does your statement mean that her husband isn't "jannatti" because he's taking his family out of a bad situation??? I dont understand this mindset. People should put themselves or their own sisters and mothers in these shoes before jumping to conclusions about another persons life and putting the blame all on one person.
I commend you nadzz for having to go through these crazy times but also now that you know your leaving I agree that you should be more passive about everything and just shrug it off!! I mean camon it's only a few more months. What I don't understand though is why after everything, if your husband is the main resource for everyone having money in their pockets, WHY did your SIL ask YOU when at the end of the day it was going to be coming out of your husbands pocket for you anyway. And two if it was your husband who was going to be paying it back why didn't you jut go to him in the first place instead of her. That's what I dont understand. Kaamwali situation just sucks, you should do your own thing to avoid drama especially in these last couple of months. But I am greed with you on this just think your approach is wrong but at the same time I know how it is in these situations and no matter what level of civility or maturity is shown from your end to handle these scenarios, in the end your husbands family has made their mind up about you and will never change in their behavior and actions regardless of your efforts to keep the respect. It's always a two way street, both parties need to do their bit.
This.
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Generally speaking, 'taking the higher road' should not mean someone needing to ALWAYS be the one who has to sacrifice.. In reality that tends to lead to a lot of resentment and it's not healthy long-term for the individual in question or society as a whole..
What "should" happen and what "does" happen are often two entirely different things.
If Nadz's MIL/SIL were able to see things any way other than their own, she wouldn't face any of these situations at all.
Nadz doesn't have control over how they behave.....but she does have control over how she reacts to them.
Sweeping issues under the carpet and pretending everything is fine cos on the surface it can't be seen** often 20/30/40yrs down the line those ppl are treating others the way they were treated themselves..** Is it really too much to expect respect to go two ways???
When you cannot control all sides of a situation it is wise to travel a path that steers clear of such dangers. This doesn't mean that you are sweeping issues under the carpet, it simply means that you are not willing to let those issues impact your life. You are making a conscious decision to "avoid" them. You are not condoning the behaviour; simply removing it from your path.
It is never too much to expect respect to go two ways......but it is foolish to expect it from somewhere you know you're not gonna get it.
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I DNT care for an impression i leave. i wont be here to tolerate it.
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aray. 
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I DNT care for an impression i leave. i wont be here to tolerate it.
then don't give two hoots about the kaam wali and how she's behaving......if you need her to do something ask your MIL to tell her.
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I like the kaam wali vs nadz threads.
Okay sorry sorry
:(