So say you know of somebody, who has lost their job, has no money and no place to stay and you out of the kindness of your heart offer them your place till they find a job and a place to stay.
Also since its Ramzan you dont feel good about doing Iftari knowing that this person will be out on the streets hungry and cold.
This person is able, and capable of getting a job. No disabilities, no handicap etc.
Normally you’d expect the person to find a job asap, but this person is hardly looking.
And while you have been extremely generous and kind you cant stop thinking in your head that Hello, Im not your personal slave that I should work and provide food and a shelter for you while you sit at my home, watch tv and surf the net all day.
Does it make you a bad person thinking that in your head??
Does it also nullify your roza if one day you really get annoyed at their laziness and tell them whats on your mind and it may have hurt their feelings??
It is extremely kind and generous to host a needy person, but when someone becomes a freeloader, it is justified to feel not just irritated if you may, but also taken granted for. Don't be rude if you can help it. I say be polite but firm because that's the only way you can help that person.
Yeah, I know it's easy to transition from firmness to rudeness but what you can do is keep the genuine thought in your mind that you are trying to help that person. Tell them that you don't mean to come accross in a negative way and offer your help in finding them a job. Sometimes even just bringing the topic up would help them get on track in case the are getting too comfy.
Don't be rude but let that person know a firm date, till you can support this person then they are on their own. That should work. For now they do not have any deadline to beat and that has made them lazy.
Regading hurting their feelings, apologize to them and ask Allah for forgiveness. We all make mistakes be it ramzan or not . At least you are admitting it and feeling concerned. Some of us don’t even come to that point.
And while you have been extremely generous and kind you cant stop thinking in your head that Hello, Im not your personal slave that I should work and provide food and a shelter for you while you sit at my home*, watch tv and surf the net all day*
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us ko saaf saaf bol dain rehna hay to insaano ki terah raho werna Zoo main chalay jaoo
is main hurt honay walee koi bat nahi agar zara ahsas naami cheez uss main hotee to apnay mayzbaan ko itna tnag kion kertee
bajaye is k k app sooch sooch ker pareshan hoon us ko keh dain k kin baatoon say app taqleef pohanch rahee hay or app mazeed bardasht nahi ker saktee
see, you can bring job ads to that person, help in online search. This will not only guarantee him/her to get a job but send a message from your side as well..
Yeah, I know it's easy to transition from firmness to rudeness but what you can do is keep the genuine thought in your mind that you are trying to help that person. Tell them that you don't mean to come accross in a negative way and offer your help in finding them a job. Sometimes even just bringing the topic up would help them get on track in case the are getting too comfy.
ive tried, according to them, they cannot look for a job when they are stressed and I stress them by bringing it up again and again and seriously in the past month they've been at my place, Ive brought it up like twice and that too in hints.
I would like them to move out asap cause I'd like my life back, at the moment i am cooking double what I was before, cleaning double and that along with working is exhausting me. I dont think i can take it anymore.
Morally will it be wrong to have these negative thoughts in my head while Im fasting. I hate being this way but im constantly being negative in my head knowing i cant say it out aloud.
This Ramzan has been so bad, I jsut feel like breaking my fast during the day cause I have so much negativity in my head.
Adra, no it is not wrong, according to Muftiani Niksik :halo:. I think the person is a distraction and you are not a social service provider. A little help should have been enough for the person to move ahead. I think you have done more than enough. I say, talk to them today and tell them how you feel.
No adrasteia, this will not nullify your roza. Say as it is but being honesty and sincerity in your heart. :)
Baat se baat niklati hai:
I was coming back from work, a guy with yellow shirt and jeans just came to my window, first I thought he was a beggar, but he said out of the blue, if I dance that should nullify my roza. I don't whatever our resident Alims on this forum will say (though I knew what they will say, anyway I told him, not at all.
Because he was a young man in early twenty's, so what if he danced while having a roza, I believe in Allah and He cannot be as rigid and unkind that our resident Alims, Ulemas and Maulvis prove Him to be.,
Oh thats not as bad as I know how bad i'll feel after they are gone and the thoughts of i should've helped more and how if i have enough then I should shar with others.
Well, in my opinion it is NOT wrong of u to think like this even if it is Ramadan bcos this person has had more than long enough to find themselves a job, and has all the resources to do so. Yes we should help ppl, but people should also help themselves.
I have had UNTOLD problems with a certain freeloader at my home. Any hints made to them was like water off a duck's back. My attempts to get them started on their CV was useless bcos they didnt complete it.
Eventually i decided honesty was the best policy and they were told in no uncertain terms.
I would advise u to tell them that u cannot afford to support them financially, that u r not happy bcos u have to cook etc for them while they r perfectly capable of doing so themselves. Give them a deadline and STICK to it.
If u r really pushed, say that a friend is in desperate need of a place to rent and they will b moving in with u after the deadline and paying rent.
Withdraw all support immediately, keep the minimum amount of food possible in your house, do not cook for them, do not clean for them. Your generousity is being taken advantage of here.
Everything which comes in your heart is what Allah produces in your heart, I think if you tell him with honestly and with sincerity I don't you think will have any bad feeling inshaAllah.
Ab mujhe kiya pata ke woh tharak tharak ke nach raha tha. But still I would said not at all. :)
I will be very careful about offering my place to stay to anyone who lost his/her job and dont even have enough money to survive for few months and is on the streets.
That just reflects the seriousness of that person (rather lack of it) about his/her future and the responsible attitude.
There is no islamic or scoial obligation on you to help such person.
I am not letting anyone stay in my house and be a free loader just because the person is nice.
Wiseman: I didnt get your post. Why would a youngman come to youand ask if dancing may nulify his roza? Do you looklike some fatwa passing Molvi or he had a vision that you knew the answer :halo:
On the topic: Well I believe if you have done good to someone, than it needs to be somewhat patient aswell, otherwise it would be like a short term naiki. Like something you did half heartedly, and therefore couldnt put up with that in the long run. Well this is pretty much difficult anyway.
. At least you are admitting it and feeling concerned. Some of us don’t even come to that point.