I am all that and much more and i don’t apologise for it.
I will explain my comments due to the fact that you are being emotion. My first sentence was directed to you. Of course you like the fact that she depends on you. You like the girl. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be concerned over her. You wouldn’t be considering her a potential spouse. You said both in your threads earlier. Emotional dependence is never one way and it is not a bad thing. When did i ever imply that you liking her dependence on you is a bad thing? If you consider her a potential suitor, emotional dependence before marriage is a definite plus.
The second sentence was a general comment with regard to all guys. I know it applies to me and all my friends. You can’t honestly tell me you don’t think you should defend and protect your “woman” or that being possessive is a bad thing. I see these as the few basic traits out of our society. A man is to protect and defend his woman and guys tend to be very protective of their women and at points insanely jealous. Of course this was commented in general. As i used the term “guys”. I did not say “this guy” or name you specifically.
Do i think you like this girl depending on you? Yup. Do i think you are considering her a match even after all of what she has told you? Yeah. You are considering it though you are extremely hesitant with how your mother has reacted. Of course if i am wrong in any of these points please do tell me.
Look i am gonna find fault in this as well. If you still think i am rude and obnoxious so be it. But dope you did not only want to discuss this disease. Look at your first post that started all of this off. You openly ask for advice on what you should do here. It is of course impossible to tell all but you tell enough by the word choice and the emotions you display on the matter.
The bottom line is you like the girl enough to worry about her health. You worry about her health and consider it an issue for marriage. Heck i re-read your post once again. You say it plainly here:
Now if you still think i am extremely rude, obnoxious and opinionated, so be it.
If you aren't interested in marrying her and you know your parents won't want you to anyway (two negatives there alone), you should stop communicating with her, it's as simple as that. I don't see what the big deal is about discussing her condition. We don't know who the girl is and it should remain that way. If you think of it as a general dilemma you can ask: if you find out your potential has some kind of condition what would you do?
Frankly I think people are turning PCOS into a bigger deal than it is. I think PCG hit the right nail in all her posts regarding it. I know some girls who have it and were still able to have children without going through IVF. Just because she was able to find out she has this condition before she got married doesn't mean there aren't other girls out there who don't know they have it presently but will find out about it afterwards.
Having PCOS doesn't guarantee infertility so there is no reason to make an issue out of it. You can try to be as cautious as you want and try to marry someone who seems perfectly healthy only to find that the two of you end up having problems conceiving anyway. Rather than pointing fingers at someone who has a condition that they obviously didn't choose to have, put yourself in their position and show some empathy. Fine, most of us want children but we aren't guaranteed children just as people with certain conditions aren't no matter how healthy we think we are.
Puhleeeeeze guys! u guys are making it sound like shes diseased and its un-treatable or something..I have PCOS myself, and I consider myself to be normal. Yeah there are CHANCES of infertility but its not like she cant have children, it might be a lil hard. And she knows about it which means shes probably being treated for it already.
I was reading this article that said nearly 5 million women have PCOS and 80% of women with irregular periods have it. I dont have a scanner right now or i would scan it.
Tikhi Jalebi - I understand that, I think my issue was with the fact that it was not presented up front. Instead, it was after the fact and then she lied about the ways to treat it and how it would affect her. The disease was not the problem, at least in my eyes, it was the lack of being straight about any problems and then the attempt to downplay it with things even dope knew was not true.
If someone starts off lying, it is almost guarenteed they will continue.
PCG i doubt it, if his mom went ahead n called it off just cuz they wanted to find out more, she probably wouldnt let him marry a "diseased" girl...but offcourse its perfectly ok for her son to go on a public board and discuss this "sick" girl
minah_pa like he said before this they were just getting to know each other. Thank God i never had to go through the whole rishta thing, but if i did I dont think i would tell a prospective rishta so much about me to start off with but then again I dont know how these things work. But most of the time, its just general getting to know each other, not discussing irregular periods and stuff like that.
And They had chaproned dates which means they were never alone. Now if u were in her place, would you discuss all this with him with someone from his or ur family there? And like CM said u dont just open up to anyone, usually desi girls dont.
Tichi_Jalebi - lol, have no idea how the rishta process goes.... I know when it seemed as though my current husband was showing an interest when we were just aquaintances, I slipped it into conversation before our first date that I cannot have children and then made sure he understood that. It saves heartache in the long run for both parties. As far as this girl goes.... I don't know.
I know the subject may be considered too personal, but it is not something to hide from a person who you are considering for marriage (and that is rishta, right?? the focus is marriage and all it entails). It is too important to many people.
To hide something as basic as the probability of not having kids is deceptive to me.
minah I will give u an example, when I told my mom that my fiance knows about me havign that she freaked out. She didnt think it was appropriate for me to talk about that with him and I guess she didnt realize at that time how close we are even though she knew I know him real well and for a while now.
But if it was a rishta thing, it probably would have been different, I dont know its just culture i guess. I agree with you though, things like these should be talked out.
^ i think it has a lot to do with people not wanting rumours to be spread about them. they can get exagerrated and cause problems regarding marriage in the future, even if they're up front about whatever the situation may be with a potential spouse because when they ask around people might tell them the exagerrated version.
