Re: Moral Dilemma
Morally she should have told the truth. However, considering her condition and the emotional stress and pain she is under, I do not put the blame squarely on her for not telling the truth.
Though in the long run, such truth if not brought out in the open, lead to unstable marital lives.
Re: Moral Dilemma
Dope! Here is a quick link to UTI. It is common in women not having intercourse as well.
Re: Moral Dilemma
UTI has nothing to do with having sex! It's Urinary Tract Infection.
Re: Moral Dilemma
Someone mentioned the potential problems resulting from the two families not seeing eye-to-eye could be disastrous. If i do marry this girl, and her problems continue, i know my parents will assail me with their standard response “we told you so.”
anyways, looks like i have a lot of soul searching to do. It put such a damper that i am losing interest in this whole marriage business. Here i am questioning a girl, when i myself dont know if i am sexually fit to help someone get pregnant…!!
Re: Moral Dilemma
WitchDr - I cannot have any more children. I told that to my second husband first off as soon as I knew he was interested in me. He does not have children and I have two from my first marriage. After my first husband died, I had cancer the result of which being my inability to carry to term a child.
This was a serious issue for him, as he cannot have children of his own now by marrying me. It also was serious enough that we almost didn't get married. But I had to be honest about it because this issue is large enough to not lie about. Men want children as much as women do and they want children of their own. There is a potential she may not be able to have children and that is serious.
Lying about this issue is not acceptable, no matter how badly one wants to get married.
We aren't talking about her saying she likes the color purple when she really likes blue, we are talking about a condition that could impact her married life drastically and also the man she marries.
Re: Moral Dilemma
I have read otherwise. OK! Here is another link that will tell you more:
Re: Moral Dilemma
minah_pa: I definitely subscribe to your ideas. However, all people are not as strong as you are. She is under tremendous stress from all the sides. She may have been wanting to catching this last straw.
Re: Moral Dilemma
Minah_Pa. I think i kind of agree with witchDR on this. She is only 22 years old. Plus, it ws her parents who concealed the information, not her. She eventually told me after the whole thing fell apart. I dont blame her for not having disclosed that during the few times we met. I am truly amazed at the love your husband has for you. May be i could get some inspiration from that. How did you two meet? I am curious to know..
Re: Moral Dilemma
Unfortunately, that is true. There will be other unanticipated problems as well. 
Re: Moral Dilemma
PCOS in a woman is along the same lines as a man having azoospermia.
Any man can develop azoospermia any time in his life much the same as
any woman can have PCOS any time in her life. PCOS in a woman however
is often less serious than azoospermia in a man. Men with azoospermia
are seldom aware of their condition until they find out their inability to
inseminate their partner. PCOS is not just a pre-marriage condition but
can develop after childbirth as well. And often it can be treated with
medicine and seldom requires serious surgery or surgery of any sort for
that matter. I have seen few cases where it causes complete infertility.
The best advice though would be for you to get her checked and get
yourself checked as well. She needs to be looked at obviously if you plan
on having children and are deeply into that criteria. You should also
get yourself checked just so you have a record of your sexual health pre and
post marriage.
As far as the whole moral dilemma is concerned, there is nothing moral
involved in ways in which 'desi' weddings are set up. So that pretty much
throws the whole 'moral' aspect of this 'dilemma' into the garbage.
Your decision to
marry her should not be based on the actions of her father, as you are
the man and she's the woman. Don't base any relationship on guilt.
Marry her only because you see yourself growing old with her and want
that more than anything else in this world and with this woman. If you
can't you should simply move on. People should marry only because
they can't see themselves being alive without the other person. They
see the other person not as their better halves but someone who helps
bring out their better side in them.
Re: Moral Dilemma
Marrying her ut of obligation would be wrong. If ure foundation for marriage is pity.. i think u should end it right now.
Re: Moral Dilemma
Sarah S: Thanks you for your advice. Are you saying if you were in a similar situation, you would do the same thing? <<<
I'd say good-bye. I don't hold a moral obligation to anyone else but myself especially if I don't love that person.
Plus:
I mean, why bother? IVF and infertility treatments are expensive. I would save myself the hassle, as crass as that sounds.
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I agree to whatever I did not paste from your post.
Re: Moral Dilemma
poor girl...
not to be mean or anything.. but the girl trusted u with very very very personal information. People on this board are completely ripping her apart..
bechari..
good luck to both of you..
p.s dont take her to the doctor urself.. she'll just feel as if something is wrong with her. It should be upto her to take u to the doctor with her, when she feels like it... not when u want to.
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That leaves room for very little, still…
Well stated Aalhan…:k:
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I dont think youre that into her for some reason.
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- Recent insights into the pathophysiology of PCOS have shown insulin resistance to play a substantial role and as such have brought the long-term issues of type 2 diabetes mellitus and its resultant increased risk of coronary artery disease to the forefront.
So does most desi food. So what's your point?
- PCOS accounts for 75% of anovulatory infertility
Define anovulatory infertility for everyone and diffrentiate it from infertility. I doubt this is from your own personal knowledge. More like a google search.
- Additionally, if/when pregnancies do occur, the first trimester miscarriage rate is as high as 30% to 50% (3 times more than normal women)
source it.
- Management of infertility can be difficult
So can management of fertility. Everything in life is difficult, so what?
- There have been successful drugs but these are new (hence no full exploration of side effects) and one was removed from the market.
source it. list the names of the drugs you are talking about while you are at it.
Sarahsplendor, unless if you yourself are a doctor, please don't be pasting random stats. These stats are skewed and show the worst case scenario. Polycystic ovaries are more common than most would imagine, and most ladies who have it are able to concieve in one form or another. You'd have to be knowledgeable, and you'd have to have dope's potential biwi sitting in front of you to figure out how really risky her case is and what alternatives she might have.
Re: Moral Dilemma
Dope - there are many good ideas in this thread.
I really do recommend you get yourself tested for fertility...you don't wanna raise a hoopla over fertility of a potential wife, and the feel real crunchy into the marriage when you find out that you yourself are infertile. :)
That goes for anyone else here who is asking dope to ditch the girl based on infertility alone.
Its always easy to judge these situations, but its harder to be in them.
Dope: Its one thing to feel pity for a girl. Its another thing to feel love and pity mixed together.
Try to think of it this way - if you remove the infertility/fertility aspect - do you even LIKE the girl to begin with? Can you envision her becoming the mom of your kids? How well do you know her?
I think these are more important things you should worry about.
I'm not familiar with the surgery you are talking about, so I suggest you take her to a doctor. I could only google things up and give you info - that you can do for yourself - google the name of the surgery and see what the permanent infertility risk is on it.
And if you're brave enough, and she is willing, definitely just take her to a doctor you trust, and get a second opinion...that you can hear for yourself as well.
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^ i agree with everything u said PCG except for the fact that he should be taking her.
It's a very personal issue. I would never be comfy with someone else "taking" me to a doctor. I'd rather organise the appointment myself and take him with me... i know he has her best interests at heart, but its such a sensitive issue and it'll stick with her for years to come... I think the best thing is for them to talk about it, and he can mention somethign like "hey... if u want, we can go to a doc together.. " instead of stating "hey.. lets go to a doc to check u out properly..."
Re: Moral Dilemma
well of course he should offer, not force it on her. i did say "if she's willing".