and PTV and ARY and oh wait ... let your MIL make an account on gupshup and let us hear her side of the story.
Thats the saddest part of my story... She is sooooo nice .... to every one...... even my best friend didnt belive me at first. I think she is very chalaak and the reason I am really worried and need her to move out is beacuse she is creating problems between me and my husband.... I am crazy about him and dont know what I would do if I lose him.... Might I remind you all she was the cause of her two sons divorces( second one was divorced two times).... GOD help me ....
If they go and live in pakistan I will send them $1500 every month so they can have a good life as long as they dont bother me.... I am just too nice ... I dont want bora for anyone and thats why people take advantage of me............... Please Please help....
Why dont you give her $1500 per month, here. That might make her happy.
You said that you are "just too nice" and later you said that "She is sooooo nice .... to every one...... even my best friend didnt belive me at first"
Hmmmm...., you niceness is self claimed, for her, she has other people who think that she is nice. Point to ponder girl. Time for self assessment
i know its really harddddddddddd to get along with your MIL but its not impossible it hink....we all here should come up with a solution here in GS...lol
Chamali yaar talk with your husband that he is not just a son anymore, hes a husband. Tell him all your problems you are facing, remember not to say anything BAD about his mother because nobody likes that. Tell him you respect her alot but you need your space too and if he really loves you he will understand If you will keep all your problems inside, eventually you will burst one day and that will not be goof for you or you husband.
Try this...if you have a "conflict" with your MIL, wait for your husband to come home...when at night he is relax n all than talk to him about your day...dont just start nagging about your MIL...bulkay just converse it in a normal manner...i am sure he will notice that your MIL behavior was not right with you at the blank situation... i am sure he will realize it...or if you want to go out with your friends, ask you husband...and if your MIL gets mad at you than be like my husband gave me the permission.
If she blames everything on you and she kaan bhering your husband...tell your husband not to make any decisions by just listening to one side story. Ask him to talk to you and your MIL together...aamnay samnay and phir clear the matter out..I am sure if you are right than your MIL wont be able to lie on you face.
One thing that helped me to relax is praying....i now pray 5 times a day Mashallah and trust me i feel sooooo relax and calm almost all the time
Kaan bhering..............that's the HARDEST part to do something about, whether the son is a mummy's boy or not!
I remember when I was in India and MIL used to encourage hubby to go out with his mates there and leave me alone......I used to end up going places with all the kuwaren of their family!
THe thing is there is never going to be an easy solution is there? And MIL's need to do a lot of work to rebuild their reputation!!!!!
Why dont you give her $1500 per month, here. That might make her happy.
You said that you are "just too nice" and later you said that "She is sooooo nice .... to every one...... even my best friend didnt belive me at first"
Hmmmm...., you niceness is self claimed, for her, she has other people who think that she is nice. Point to ponder girl. Time for self assessment
I do give my MIL and FIL $300 each every month for their expenses to use how ever they please. ANd since my mother in law likes to shop for groceries I give her $700 a month for groceries. My husband pays for every other bill we have .... My three brother in laws live with us who have good jobs but dont contribute at all.... all my MIL does all day is sleep. I come home from work, cook clean and serve food to every one...............I do this with a happy heart beacuse I hope to keep my husband happy with me.... I think my actions prove that I am nice.... As for my MIL What I ment by her being tooo nice is that she has two faces ... for outside people she is really nice and for me she is *****y. EVEN after all I do for her.... Anyways...
oh my god girl now i feel really bad for u…u really are too nice. i think u are giving her too much thats why she is being like this. waht does she need like $1000 a month for when she lives w. you? and im shocked at (ok not really) that she was the cause of 2 other divorces!!! she looks like she has an unhappy marriage of her own and no life. U shoujld tell ur husband that u dont want a divorce to happen to you as well. and when she gets really out of line u should lash out one day when the time is right and say well no wonder ur other 2 sons are divorced cus u like to cause drama…dont do it to me. i hate 2 faced people…they are so good at it! makes me sick good luck
Gosh after reading all your posts guys .....well here goes my experience....
I went to paki from abroad to get into this arranged marriage, My family is of a strict Islamic Background so It was strictly formal and no gupshup with my fiance before hand. When I went there I met my Mother in law who well i guess just wouldn''t shut up.....When i questioned her eagerness and her big mouth i was told 'botth sukeen hai na is liai'. The first night that I met her she brought the engagement ring and put it on my finger, (the ring was crap) but I kept telling myself if i say no now it would be cause i am materialistic and don't like the ring also I was going to go back abroad and the ring is sitting far far away. On my first meeting she asked me what my height was I said i didn't know..Common tell me girls that have grown up in the west how many of you know your height...Then she asked me what size shoes i wore, i said i don't know cause the sizes are different here in paki then they are abroad. Then she made me try her shoe on and i stupidly did. Next when i spoke to her on the phone whilst my stay in Paki she kept asking me what i had been doing, as i had tried to make excuses for not coming over so when i said shopping she kept asking me 'kinay set bunvai hai ya phir kya kya bunva ya hai.' I did not want to tell her and I kept thinking I don't have to live with her so its not my problem. So i kept on going along with it all throughout my stay she kept on asking about what i had gotten made...The ring she gave me was quite cheap but i kept on saying its the thought that counts. So then as time approached my function for my marriage...I got my stuff and surprise it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be considering the ring. Due to me rushing to meet relos and shopping i din't take notice of the jewellery and clothes that came so on my wedding day when i wore my kurti guess what it was too tight so this was after i had given my size to them....And since we had not thought this would happen i had no other choice but to wear the damn thing and live the zip opened and cover it with my duppatta. Now i am not that stupid but lets say i can be convinced easily...(ok i am stupid) When i went to get ready at the salon I was told by a few other girls that my set was fake and when i compared the stones to the ones that i had gotten made yes there was a difference. Now 1 hour before my wedding i did not have the courage to pull out telling myself that it would mean that i am lalchi as did i only get into this marriage for the jewellery (no) and my nikah had been done two days before so i went ahead with it. So at my function I get to meet the rest of the family and well i find out that my MIL wants to walk me down the aisle so i am pissed as well if i wanted someone old it would be my mother and i wanted my cousins. But i did not say anything and when I saw her I was so embarrassed she was wearing a bright Red jora I thought at her age i did not think it looked decent and considering she potrays herself out to be very islamic i thought no. But i kept doing and well she lifted he arm up to pat me on the head and gosh she smelt, i thought what happened to her well educated daughters couldn't they make her presentable. So I go and sit down purposly in the middle of the sofa and I say I will move to the side when the groom comes and she sits next to me even though there is no room and then she tells me that do i like my clothes and jewellery I was going to say nakli.. but kept my mouth shut...then she points to my dress and her kameez and say look its the exact same material. Oh my god so all of you girls who thought their sil wrecked their wedding for wearing their wedding suits imagine you MIL wearing the exact same colour (RED) and same material the only difference is that mine was langha and hers was a salwar kameez. By that time i was so over whelmed that all i could think was two more days until i go home (back abraod). The next day I went to their house and wore my most expensive set which was my favourite but it was just small and delicate meaning it had more stones and you couldn't see much gold. And she said "khali aa ghi ayai kush wi nhi paya hoya." My cousin then went no no she is wearing something remove your dupatta and so i did and i felt like she was checking my bra size. Then once again she had the nerve to say 'tai hor ki paya jai' 'Sada set thai 7 tolay tha si" My cousin then said that the braclet i was wearing yesterday was of 11 tolay, that shut her up. My thing was if you can't afford to give anything on a wedding just say it and i would have respected that, or shut up about it.
There i feel better to offload now................
I have no issues with my in-laws thank goodness gracious. My poor hubby tho, he has to deal with my mom who can be a handful, she gets very nasty. My advice? Give "monster-in-laws" what they're looking for - and LOTS of it.
She doesnt like you going out shopping or with your friends? Get ready to go out then tell her, "Ok, I'm going out to smoke some pot - my boyfriend just got some GREAT stuff. Then we're hitting the bars and discos. I'll make every attempt to sober up before I come home. Ta-TA now!!"
Gosh after reading all your posts guys .....well here goes my experience....
I went to paki from abroad to get into this arranged marriage, My family is of a strict Islamic Background so It was strictly formal and no gupshup with my fiance before hand. When I went there I met my Mother in law who well i guess just wouldn''t shut up.....When i questioned her eagerness and her big mouth i was told 'botth sukeen hai na is liai'. The first night that I met her she brought the engagement ring and put it on my finger, (the ring was crap) but I kept telling myself if i say no now it would be cause i am materialistic and don't like the ring also I was going to go back abroad and the ring is sitting far far away. On my first meeting she asked me what my height was I said i didn't know..Common tell me girls that have grown up in the west how many of you know your height...Then she asked me what size shoes i wore, i said i don't know cause the sizes are different here in paki then they are abroad. Then she made me try her shoe on and i stupidly did. Next when i spoke to her on the phone whilst my stay in Paki she kept asking me what i had been doing, as i had tried to make excuses for not coming over so when i said shopping she kept asking me 'kinay set bunvai hai ya phir kya kya bunva ya hai.' I did not want to tell her and I kept thinking I don't have to live with her so its not my problem. So i kept on going along with it all throughout my stay she kept on asking about what i had gotten made...The ring she gave me was quite cheap but i kept on saying its the thought that counts. So then as time approached my function for my marriage...I got my stuff and surprise it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be considering the ring. Due to me rushing to meet relos and shopping i din't take notice of the jewellery and clothes that came so on my wedding day when i wore my kurti guess what it was too tight so this was after i had given my size to them....And since we had not thought this would happen i had no other choice but to wear the damn thing and live the zip opened and cover it with my duppatta. Now i am not that stupid but lets say i can be convinced easily...(ok i am stupid) When i went to get ready at the salon I was told by a few other girls that my set was fake and when i compared the stones to the ones that i had gotten made yes there was a difference. Now 1 hour before my wedding i did not have the courage to pull out telling myself that it would mean that i am lalchi as did i only get into this marriage for the jewellery (no) and my nikah had been done two days before so i went ahead with it. So at my function I get to meet the rest of the family and well i find out that my MIL wants to walk me down the aisle so i am pissed as well if i wanted someone old it would be my mother and i wanted my cousins. But i did not say anything and when I saw her I was so embarrassed she was wearing a bright Red jora I thought at her age i did not think it looked decent and considering she potrays herself out to be very islamic i thought no. But i kept doing and well she lifted he arm up to pat me on the head and gosh she smelt, i thought what happened to her well educated daughters couldn't they make her presentable. So I go and sit down purposly in the middle of the sofa and I say I will move to the side when the groom comes and she sits next to me even though there is no room and then she tells me that do i like my clothes and jewellery I was going to say nakli.. but kept my mouth shut...then she points to my dress and her kameez and say look its the exact same material. Oh my god so all of you girls who thought their sil wrecked their wedding for wearing their wedding suits imagine you MIL wearing the exact same colour (RED) and same material the only difference is that mine was langha and hers was a salwar kameez. By that time i was so over whelmed that all i could think was two more days until i go home (back abraod). The next day I went to their house and wore my most expensive set which was my favourite but it was just small and delicate meaning it had more stones and you couldn't see much gold. And she said "khali aa ghi ayai kush wi nhi paya hoya." My cousin then went no no she is wearing something remove your dupatta and so i did and i felt like she was checking my bra size. Then once again she had the nerve to say 'tai hor ki paya jai' 'Sada set thai 7 tolay tha si" My cousin then said that the braclet i was wearing yesterday was of 11 tolay, that shut her up. My thing was if you can't afford to give anything on a wedding just say it and i would have respected that, or shut up about it.
There i feel better to offload now................
Thank God you dont have to live with her.... Hope your hubby is nice. I hate arrange marriages.... But again love doesnt get you anywhere either :(
Gosh after reading all your posts guys .....well here goes my experience....
I went to paki from abroad to get into this arranged marriage, My family is of a strict Islamic Background so It was strictly formal and no gupshup with my fiance before hand. When I went there I met my Mother in law who well i guess just wouldn''t shut up.....When i questioned her eagerness and her big mouth i was told 'botth sukeen hai na is liai'. The first night that I met her she brought the engagement ring and put it on my finger, (the ring was crap) but I kept telling myself if i say no now it would be cause i am materialistic and don't like the ring also I was going to go back abroad and the ring is sitting far far away. On my first meeting she asked me what my height was I said i didn't know..Common tell me girls that have grown up in the west how many of you know your height...Then she asked me what size shoes i wore, i said i don't know cause the sizes are different here in paki then they are abroad. Then she made me try her shoe on and i stupidly did. Next when i spoke to her on the phone whilst my stay in Paki she kept asking me what i had been doing, as i had tried to make excuses for not coming over so when i said shopping she kept asking me 'kinay set bunvai hai ya phir kya kya bunva ya hai.' I did not want to tell her and I kept thinking I don't have to live with her so its not my problem. So i kept on going along with it all throughout my stay she kept on asking about what i had gotten made...The ring she gave me was quite cheap but i kept on saying its the thought that counts. So then as time approached my function for my marriage...I got my stuff and surprise it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be considering the ring. Due to me rushing to meet relos and shopping i din't take notice of the jewellery and clothes that came so on my wedding day when i wore my kurti guess what it was too tight so this was after i had given my size to them....And since we had not thought this would happen i had no other choice but to wear the damn thing and live the zip opened and cover it with my duppatta. Now i am not that stupid but lets say i can be convinced easily...(ok i am stupid) When i went to get ready at the salon I was told by a few other girls that my set was fake and when i compared the stones to the ones that i had gotten made yes there was a difference. Now 1 hour before my wedding i did not have the courage to pull out telling myself that it would mean that i am lalchi as did i only get into this marriage for the jewellery (no) and my nikah had been done two days before so i went ahead with it. So at my function I get to meet the rest of the family and well i find out that my MIL wants to walk me down the aisle so i am pissed as well if i wanted someone old it would be my mother and i wanted my cousins. But i did not say anything and when I saw her I was so embarrassed she was wearing a bright Red jora I thought at her age i did not think it looked decent and considering she potrays herself out to be very islamic i thought no. But i kept doing and well she lifted he arm up to pat me on the head and gosh she smelt, i thought what happened to her well educated daughters couldn't they make her presentable. So I go and sit down purposly in the middle of the sofa and I say I will move to the side when the groom comes and she sits next to me even though there is no room and then she tells me that do i like my clothes and jewellery I was going to say nakli.. but kept my mouth shut...then she points to my dress and her kameez and say look its the exact same material. Oh my god so all of you girls who thought their sil wrecked their wedding for wearing their wedding suits imagine you MIL wearing the exact same colour (RED) and same material the only difference is that mine was langha and hers was a salwar kameez. By that time i was so over whelmed that all i could think was two more days until i go home (back abraod). The next day I went to their house and wore my most expensive set which was my favourite but it was just small and delicate meaning it had more stones and you couldn't see much gold. And she said "khali aa ghi ayai kush wi nhi paya hoya." My cousin then went no no she is wearing something remove your dupatta and so i did and i felt like she was checking my bra size. Then once again she had the nerve to say 'tai hor ki paya jai' 'Sada set thai 7 tolay tha si" My cousin then said that the braclet i was wearing yesterday was of 11 tolay, that shut her up. My thing was if you can't afford to give anything on a wedding just say it and i would have respected that, or shut up about it.
There i feel better to offload now................
And it's women like this who just wouldn't tolerate their daughters being treated like this.
My thoughts are that where we as DIL's are supposed to trat MIL's as our own mums, maybe they need to treat DIL's like they do their daughters!
Gosh after reading all your posts guys .....well here goes my experience....
I went to paki from abroad to get into this arranged marriage, My family is of a strict Islamic Background so It was strictly formal and no gupshup with my fiance before hand. When I went there I met my Mother in law who well i guess just wouldn''t shut up.....When i questioned her eagerness and her big mouth i was told 'botth sukeen hai na is liai'. The first night that I met her she brought the engagement ring and put it on my finger, (the ring was crap) but I kept telling myself if i say no now it would be cause i am materialistic and don't like the ring also I was going to go back abroad and the ring is sitting far far away. On my first meeting she asked me what my height was I said i didn't know..Common tell me girls that have grown up in the west how many of you know your height...Then she asked me what size shoes i wore, i said i don't know cause the sizes are different here in paki then they are abroad. Then she made me try her shoe on and i stupidly did. Next when i spoke to her on the phone whilst my stay in Paki she kept asking me what i had been doing, as i had tried to make excuses for not coming over so when i said shopping she kept asking me 'kinay set bunvai hai ya phir kya kya bunva ya hai.' I did not want to tell her and I kept thinking I don't have to live with her so its not my problem. So i kept on going along with it all throughout my stay she kept on asking about what i had gotten made...The ring she gave me was quite cheap but i kept on saying its the thought that counts. So then as time approached my function for my marriage...I got my stuff and surprise it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be considering the ring. Due to me rushing to meet relos and shopping i din't take notice of the jewellery and clothes that came so on my wedding day when i wore my kurti guess what it was too tight so this was after i had given my size to them....And since we had not thought this would happen i had no other choice but to wear the damn thing and live the zip opened and cover it with my duppatta. Now i am not that stupid but lets say i can be convinced easily...(ok i am stupid) When i went to get ready at the salon I was told by a few other girls that my set was fake and when i compared the stones to the ones that i had gotten made yes there was a difference. Now 1 hour before my wedding i did not have the courage to pull out telling myself that it would mean that i am lalchi as did i only get into this marriage for the jewellery (no) and my nikah had been done two days before so i went ahead with it. So at my function I get to meet the rest of the family and well i find out that my MIL wants to walk me down the aisle so i am pissed as well if i wanted someone old it would be my mother and i wanted my cousins. But i did not say anything and when I saw her I was so embarrassed she was wearing a bright Red jora I thought at her age i did not think it looked decent and considering she potrays herself out to be very islamic i thought no. But i kept doing and well she lifted he arm up to pat me on the head and gosh she smelt, i thought what happened to her well educated daughters couldn't they make her presentable. So I go and sit down purposly in the middle of the sofa and I say I will move to the side when the groom comes and she sits next to me even though there is no room and then she tells me that do i like my clothes and jewellery I was going to say nakli.. but kept my mouth shut...then she points to my dress and her kameez and say look its the exact same material. Oh my god so all of you girls who thought their sil wrecked their wedding for wearing their wedding suits imagine you MIL wearing the exact same colour (RED) and same material the only difference is that mine was langha and hers was a salwar kameez. By that time i was so over whelmed that all i could think was two more days until i go home (back abraod). The next day I went to their house and wore my most expensive set which was my favourite but it was just small and delicate meaning it had more stones and you couldn't see much gold. And she said "khali aa ghi ayai kush wi nhi paya hoya." My cousin then went no no she is wearing something remove your dupatta and so i did and i felt like she was checking my bra size. Then once again she had the nerve to say 'tai hor ki paya jai' 'Sada set thai 7 tolay tha si" My cousin then said that the braclet i was wearing yesterday was of 11 tolay, that shut her up. My thing was if you can't afford to give anything on a wedding just say it and i would have respected that, or shut up about it.
There i feel better to offload now................
goodness wht a nytmare of a mother in law! well thank god u live far away 4rm her,, things like this just add to my feard of getin married, i swear im petrified of gettin married!!!!!
ignore them both and do what you have to do......as long as you are fulfilling your duty and obligations to the family and not doing anything immoral and/or unethical, you should be fine.
the sooner they figure out that you won't be pressured into a certain behaviour, they will change their tunes.
what if the in laws are very mean to the daughter in law and give her absolutely no importance...when it comes to the grandchildren, what should the daughter in law do because the grandchild has no idea about the situation so whenever there is any interaction between the in laws and kids it would be a very sticky, uncomfortable situation for the DIL.
I have no issues with my in-laws thank goodness gracious. My poor hubby tho, he has to deal with my mom who can be a handful, she gets very nasty. My advice? Give "monster-in-laws" what they're looking for - and LOTS of it.
She doesnt like you going out shopping or with your friends? Get ready to go out then tell her, "Ok, I'm going out to smoke some pot - my boyfriend just got some GREAT stuff. Then we're hitting the bars and discos. I'll make every attempt to sober up before I come home. Ta-TA now!!"
good luck
