Okay so mine has been a love marriage and its going good alhamdulilah. i stay with my husband’s family who are really nice ppl, accepted me very well, it has been a nice here. my husband and i have been friends all our life so the friendship and trust factor is very strong between us, mA
My MIL is a nice woman, She has gone through many ups and downs in life so i always have a soft corner for her.
One day it so happened that she needed some money, as she had put her daughter-my nanad’s jewellery and got gold loan on that. i mean not the banks one but the ‘rehen types’ where one has to pay interest and all. NOBODY in the house knows about it. my nanad had to leave to another country and money could not be arranged she asked for my help. I readily agreed. She requested me to not say this to anybody and she ll get back my jewellery as she would arrange money from somewhere. I gave her the jewellery they bought in my marriage.
The next time she again needed money and I again had to give, It has happenede four times yet. once she said she ll get it back in 24 hours but it couldnt happen. It makes around 9-10 tolas. Its been 8 months now and nothing has happened. I asked her coz i get questioned by my mom, hubby and most relative why i dont wear this this and this jewellery, to which i have no answer.
i have never hidden anything from my hubby and this makes it worse that i have been hiding all this from him. and nobody apart from the both of us and a servant knows about it. what should i do???
My husband is very righteous and he ll make a big issue abt it and i dont want him to hurt his mother but sometimes i feel i will lose all my trust when he comes to know abt it.
you have to tell your husband and lending your MOTHER IN LAW without telling his son are you kidding? please tell him straight away and next time you lend her money/jewelry discuss with your husband FIRST.
What you did wasn't selfless it was actually selfish.
Tell your hubby, but request him not to make an issue out of it.
also, you need to sit with your MIl and trry to understand what financial situation she is in that she had to 'steal' her own daughters jewelry and now she is getting loan to pay the previous loan
Next time whenever you give someone some loan, always follow the sunnah way of it, and have 2 witnesses signed a written page that mentions the amount and payment terms.
:( My intentions were very clean I * just didnt want him to make an issue over it and spoil the house's atmosphere. Coz I was new there. And I never thought it would take so much time,.. and involve lying to my parents, husband and everybody.*
:( My intentions were very clean I * just didnt want him to make an issue over it and spoil the house's atmosphere. Coz I was new there. And I never thought it would take so much time,.. and involve lying to my parents, husband and everybody.*
We know that you were doing it with sincerity, but your MIL seems to be in a major financial crisis and she is not seeking help. You should tell your hubby so he can help his mom out of this crisis.
I have tried but I just got too scared with the repercussions it might lead to... I did have many a sleepless nights thinking what might happen if my FIL and husband gets to know about it. :(
Also my MIL was a very independent woman. It was because some of her bad decisions or moves that they lost everything they had, I mean they had to sell their houses-my FIL's years of hardwork to cover up the loan and pay the financiers. coz the interest had multiplied hugely over the years as they had some losses.,.
Also what scares me out is what she might GO through if everyone would get against her. Coz this has happened to her in her life before.. It would just be history repeating itself.
I have tried but I just got too scared with the repercussions it might lead to... I did have many a sleepless nights thinking what might happen if my FIL and husband gets to know about it. :(
Also my MIL was a very independent woman. It was because some of her bad decisions or moves that they lost everything they had, I mean they had to sell their houses-my FIL's years of hardwork to cover up the loan and pay the financiers. coz the interest had multiplied hugely over the years as they had some losses.,.
It's always easier to keep quiet/tell a lie to cover up...but for how long? How many stories will you have to weave to hide the truth? Can you live with that burden on your shoulders?
Telling your husband and FIL truth and the part you played will undoubtedly be difficult ,but once it's done, it's over! The weight will be lifted off of you.
If your MIL has a history of such behavior, you are actually doing your family a disservice by covering up for her. It's extremely unfair to the other family members and could potentially rip them apart. Isn't that what you're trying to avoid?
This is undoubtedly a big test you're facing in your married life. Do right by your husband and tell him. The truth shall set you free.
Also what scares me out is what she might GO through if everyone would get against her.
What should scare you even more is what YOU and your husband will go through if and when he finds out that you've been lying to him and keeping a secret from him about HIS mother.
It's great that you care so much about your MIL.....but you need to think about just how much damage you're doing to your own marriage in order to "save" her.
You should not let your MIL feel like you betrayed her.
To counter that, you need to talk to her and tell her that it is getting very hard to hide this info from your husband and your parents when they inquire about your jewelry,
and that you will not be able to carry on like this much longer.
That will be sort of an alert for your MIL and she will not feel back-stabbed when you do tell your husband.
You should not let your MIL feel like you betrayed her.
To counter that, you need to talk to her and tell her that it is getting very hard to hide this info from your husband and your parents when they inquire about your jewelry,
and that you will not be able to carry on like this much longer.
That will be sort of an alert for your MIL and she will not feel back-stabbed when you do tell your husband.
Yeah that's where I get kamzoor. I have wrote so many confession notes but just couldn't hand it or give it to him. It gets so very difficult even starting the topic. I am just so confused.. but i think i ll have to confess it to him calmly. :)
What should scare you even more is what YOU and your husband will go through if and when he finds out that you've been lying to him and keeping a secret from him about HIS mother.
It's great that you care so much about your MIL.....but you need to think about just how much damage you're doing to your own marriage in order to "save" her.
:( thats what scares me the mostttttt.. sometimes i feel i shouldnt have been here. i wish we stayed far away and out of all of this :((
OKay anam man this is what I would do if I was you .... tell your mother in law that your husband has been asking you to wear it for some xyz event that you're going to and has been asking about jewellery and you know that she (your mil) doesn't have the money for it now but you have some amount saved up from before and you can lend that to your MIL and she can pay you back whenever instead of jewellery going outside the house and you're so dumb for not thinking of it before and she should just tell you what the amount is that she needs .... then once you know how much she needs go talk to your husband and tlel him that you need the money and for xyz reason and she can't talk to your MIL because at least now she confides in you and you can keep you eye and tabs on her and if she tells her then she'll still do it but get the money and stuff from someone else and what is he going to do then ... so its better to keep it from her and u'll just help her out this way
