I have been persuaded many times by my close relatives to (ignore Quran + Hadiths) and re-define my understanding of who is mehram and who is na-mehram when some dear guests / cousins & aunts / old & close family friends / colleagues visit our house.
What should I do ? Only serious replies please.
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
I dont think that anyone might be forcing you to change the definition, they might be expecting that you would not be so uptight in the presence of a na mehram.
I am not sure how balanced this sounds, but if nothing else works, a woman is allowed to go on a haj with another woman who is accompanied by her mehram. In an extreme situation, we can apply this rule in our socializing. If I am in a room, where my male friend is there and his wife is also around, I think I would be OK.
I dont even enter his house if the guy is not there. If i have to wait for him, I go back and sit in my car. Never enter a house if friend is not there and only his wife, sister or even mother is there.
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
Mehram is only your brothers/father/fathers brothers/grandfathers/mothers brothers by blood. No uncle ji's who are friends of your Dad or cousins of your mom. Unless they have been breastfed by your grand mother
for example: If your mom has a male cousin who has been breast fed by your Nani, then he is your mehram because he is your Mum's brother.
I feel stupid for typing this because I think you already know lol
I know it's so hard to maintain segregation between males and females on dawats etc, and if you wish to keep ur self segregated then you'll have to do it on your own, or keep it seperate for males and females
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
I dont think that anyone might be forcing you to change the definition, they might be expecting that you would not be so uptight in the presence of a na mehram.
I am not sure how balanced this sounds, but if nothing else works, a woman is allowed to go on a haj with another woman who is accompanied by her mehram. In an extreme situation, we can apply this rule in our socializing. If I am in a room, where my male friend is there and his wife is also around, I think I would be OK.
I dont even enter his house if the guy is not there. If i have to wait for him, I go back and sit in my car. Never enter a house if friend is not there and only his wife, sister or even mother is there.
Yes!!! I salute you lol
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
i am sorry but could you explain more, the way you said "persuaded" sounds like as if you have been acting in a way which your relatives found objectionable and then they told you that how you should be behaving infront of mehrams, na-mehrams.
i talk to all na-mehrams (cousins, friends, new people etc etc) but i dont get too frank or too close. so i'll say if there is a na-mehram then dont hide away, do talk but stay in your limits. :)
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
Honestly, I wonder how people go shopping or even walk in the street. My old house was semi detached, was it wrong for me to live in a house that shared a wall with a man I was not related to.
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
Mehram is only your brothers/father/fathers brothers/grandfathers/mothers brothers by blood. No uncle ji's who are friends of your Dad or cousins of your mom. Unless they have been breastfed by your grand mother for example: If your mom has a male cousin who has been breast fed by your Nani, then he is your mehram because he is your Mum's brother. I feel stupid for typing this because I think you already know lol
I know it's so hard to maintain segregation between males and females on dawats etc, and if you wish to keep ur self segregated then you'll have to do it on your own, or keep it seperate for males and females
well you are right, the definition of mehram is still the same and no one can change it just to support their views... but I guess in a way TLK is right... you can still go out infront a na-mehram but you just have to be bit careful i guess like in terms of your outfit etc...
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
Honestly, I wonder how people go shopping or even walk in the street. My old house was semi detached, was it wrong for me to live in a house that shared a wall with a man I was not related to.
not only that, you should never use public toilet as your butt would touch the seat that was in contact with another na mehram butt. (that was my sarcasm, just in case you did not get it)
Btw, when you go out for shopping, unless you hug ever stranger on the way, the argument is not valid.
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
I think someone would have to be in a persistant vegitative state not to get that.
Depends, did I get a good discount? 
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
lol I defined the literal meaning of "mehram". kinda feel stupid now
I think to a certain extent our heart knows when we're in a situation that feels wrong (mehman/non mehram type situation)
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
To be honest I cant take these questions seriously, what kind of parent would encourage you to hug non mehram?
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
I THINK I get what you mean. Say your mum or dad's cousin, or your own cousin, or even an old family friend comes to visit, you RUN and get your scarf, but before you are able to put it on ur head and make sure you are suitably dressed your parents open the door without a second thought. Then when you try to explain to them that you should really wait till i give you the thumbs up, they say: "nahi bayta, ye to apnay hi hai, inn se kya parda? Bayta, aap boht ixtreem hoti jaa rahi ho" Then you send them to some islamic classes. :) all sorted
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
^Well said. One of those cases I was trying to explain. Secondly there are some aunties who used to be so much involved in your brought-up that they start thinking that their right of kissing your forehead is still there even though you have grown up and are now na-mehram for them. Similarly some cousins don't realize that our childhood days are over, when we use to play cricket, carum, luddo, ..etc. So when they come from USA, they excitedly ask about you and try to shake your hands and their husbands give you a smile as if to say, no problem it is a sawab to do that.
An aunt visited one of my friend's house. Even though she is of his mother's age, she doesn't realize that she is na-mehram and keep trying to put her hand on his head and kiss his forehead, and he keeps moving one step back and obediently trying to avoid it. Everyone was shocked, "Beta, mein to aap ki walida ki tarah hoon..."
Of course their intentions are pure, but so are the orders of Allah (swt) and the ways of HIS prophet (Saw).
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
Do what makes you comfortable. GS is the very very wrong place to look for such advice. Or advice in general. At the end of the day you have to stand up for what you decide and what you do.
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
CM jee, aap toh Life1 ka bijnis hi bandh kerwa dein gey 
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
Yeah....translation?
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
the sarcasm is lost in the translation. I'm saying that you are shutting down Life1's business by telling people not to take advice from us!!!
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
AH! That is what Bijnis is. I thought it was some urdu word I had never heard off that is why I asked for a translation, aunty jee.
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
It's ok puttar... As in son or child ( punjabi)
Re: Mixed or Separate Family Gatherings. Please advise
Now that hurt sniff I know what puttar means....well I had a slight inkling...well not really.