Amir,
I thought it wouldn't be necessary for me to mention that in some situations a person's past needs to be shared with their spouse. I thought that you'd be smart enough to know that there was no need to mention this point.
Yes, in some cases......(let's say you have an STD......for example)........it's advisable to share your past with your spouse..............because your spouse will be directly affected by your past.
BUT..........in this scenario............the girl is not obligated to tell her husband about YOU. If this girl was married to you..........got divorced..........then married this guy...........in a situation like that I can understand if she tells her future husband that she was once married to you. But the relationship that you and her shared is not even valid in Islam. It's just a past mistake that does not affect the girl's husband. AS LONG AS SHE IS A GOOD WIFE AND IS FAITHFUL TO HIM........................she DOES NOT NEED TO EXPOSE HER PAST TO HIM. Regardless of the mixed opinions of the scholars..............this girl has not committed such a huge gunnah with you that she needs to expose her past to her husband. It's a simple concept....................and I ALREADY KNEW that you'd have problems with it.
People like to move on from their past. Many times the don't like to discuss their past because they don't want to relive their past. There are MANY MANY women and men who had past CRUSHES......past girlfriends..........and some of them choose to be honest about their past to their spouse............and others simply want to move on because they want to start a new life.
That is another simple concept you have trouble understanding. Her husband might be broadminded about many things..........but he may not be broadminded about his wife talking to her ex. Sometimes we don't know what issues we will be broadminded about if we have never been placed in those situations. Perhaps her husband is usually broadminded............and people might wrongly assume that he'll be broadminded about every single issue. But then he might surprise people by being very angry at the idea of his wife talking to her ex. Your assumption about his "broadmindedness" is a weak argument.
Secondly............people's opinions, beliefs, and decisions change as they grow older and enter new phases of their life. For example one might be very short-tempered before marriage............and then learns to become patient when he has children. It's not only attitudes that change, but so do decisions. Before marriage, perhaps this girl told you that she will continue to keep contact with you even after marriage. At that time she had no experience of being a wife...............she made such a hasty promise because she was thinking from the view of a single girl...........and not from the view of a wife. And maybe after marriage...........her views changed.............and she has realized that it is not appropriate for her to talk to you as she is a married woman.......and so she couldn't keep her promise. You can't blame her for breaking that promise. She's doing the right thing. It's not reasonable to expect that the the promise of an immature single girl..............will remain the same after she becomes a WIFE. The dynamics of her life have changed, Amir. Many peoples' views and beliefs change after marriage.
Why are u trying to get at telling me shes a good wife now?
Does it change the way she treated me?
This is a SILLY and unreasonable question and comment that you have made, Amir. OF COURSE....................it doesn't change the way that she treated you. All I'm saying is that..........she might have changed and become a better person......and good wife. And if she's currently a good and faithful wife to her husband....................that means that her past romantic life does not need to be exposed to her husband. And I know that once again you will REPEAT that you are not going to take any action to expose her. But at the same time........you shouldn't have the vengeful angry desire to expose her either.
You said that you gave this girl examples of "safe and suitable" times that she can call you........and that she still DID NOT CALL YOU. See..........that is a sign of her being a faithful wife. That is a sign that she doesn't want to talk to you. She simply want to live her married life in peace without opening up any doors from the past.
She said that "You messaged, you're alive" Yes, this was very rude of her. But at the same time..........it is a sign that she doesn't care about you. She has no desire to contact you or check up on you. After marriage, she's given enough hints through ignoring you and making harsh comments that she simply does not want to talk to you. She's married, her life has changed. She may be broadminded in many ways...........but she is STILL a desi wife living in a cruel desi society. Her top priority is her marriage and husband........NOT YOU! I know this sounds harsh and painful............but it's the truth.
You can contact her and ask her why she dumped you without reason. But there's a chance that she will either ignore you or be rude to you without offering an explanation. And that is a risk you'll have to be prepared for.
You asked how this girl who has suffered the loss of both parents inflict such pain on another person. Sometimes.........tragedies in life..........can make some people very tough-skinned. I've actually seen people like that who are not moved by another person's tears.......because they've been through many worse tragedies in their own life. And so, they've developed a thicker skin.
You said that what hurts you is that you trusted this girl so much and that you can't believe she broke your trust. I know it hurts. But you understand how it feels to break someone's trust. Right now............the top priority in her life is her husband............and she doesn't want to break his trust by talking to someone from a past that she's chosen to fully leave behind.
All I'm saying is that be prepared for the fact that you may not get the explanation you want from this girl because she's not obligated to give it and she doesn't want to resume contact with you. If this girl doesn't give you an answer or is rude..........you need to move on. Many times in life............we can't wait for the other person to help us move on.........we have to move on by ourselves. So.............get to know the girl your parents have picked out for you. You've prayed to Allah to help you move on. Maybe Allah is answering your prayers through this new rishta. I won't be surprised if you try to argue the above SIMPLE points that I've made. You'll more than likely vehemently defend your arguments. But sometimes emotions blind us from logic.......and we can't see the way that we're portraying ourselves to others. Anyhow I'm exhausted and don't plan to debate this issue any further. Best wishes.