Misfits in Desi Society

[Theorist]

Re: Misfits in Desi Society

@Mirch

Since you missed my point I would say it in another way.

The only people who can take you on as is basis are those who love you. People like Your family, your spouse, you relatives, your friends.
Their love is unconditional.
They will expect certain behavior ,ideals and attitudes from you but if you do not fulfill those expectations they would not mind and would not force you to change.

Then a subgroup from the above group will want you to fulfill their expectations they will coerce you, they will give you ultimatums to change, they will blackmail you emotionally. This is also out of their love for you because they think they are on the right path and you are not and if you do not return to right path you are doomed. You need to stay firm on your grounds after a while some of them would give up and would accept you for who you are.
Another subgroup would give up on you and would outcast you too. This is the group you should not worry about and keep on doing what you want and what you believe in. Problem will arise when you start a crusade against their values, their ideals, their beliefs and their attitudes. If you are not brave enough to take the brunt of backlash of this crusade then the only way out is to keep your beliefs , ideals , ideas, values and morals to yourself and leave these people alone .

Not to be able to say no is a sign of low self esteem. Conforming to something you do not believe in and do not relate to just for the sake of fitting in with the group whose ideals, beliefs, morals and ideals you do not relate to is also another sign of low self esteem.

Just want to clear a few things. 1) Ihave never started a crusade against anyone for whatever reason. 2) I believe and follow live and let live approach in life. I don’t dictate what anyone should do with their life. I expect others to do the same with ME. 3) My issue is not low self-esteem. I do not think too highly of myself but I am a very strong person and do not suffer from confidence or self esteem issues. Conforming to others’ lifestyle has been my ONLY option or I would be living alone somewhere in an apartment with a ton of savings and no one to share that with.

I have never done anything to “fit in.” I never cared in high school and I don’t care now that I grew up a nerd and have no friends to this date. In my person life, I have done it all out of love and respect for people I value in my life. I don’t care about what people think about me at all! I have already heard how they feel about me. I find myself becoming quieter and alienated by the day because I really don’t see how I fit in anywhere and though I don’t care for it, I wonder sometimes what if I really did what I wanted to do. All of this is definitely turning me into Ms. Scrooge. It would be one thing to not give a s**t about what others think if we did’t have to deal with them 24/7. That is not the case with me.

Another problem is if we don’t do what a woman is supposed to do in our society, nothing else she does is ever good enough. She is still incomplete even if she is happy with her accomplishments. There is no appreciation unless she cooks, cleans, and has babies. Same goes for men, if a man doesn’t earn and provide, whatever else he has done no matter how important is not good enough. He is not man enough if he doesn’t earn and provide for his family. He may be a really good stay at home dad or really happy talented individual but he will not be appreciated for that. It’s all about what we can do for others in our society, which really pisses me off.