Dont even know how to start buh i think i might get some help from here!!!
I have been married for only 4 months and these have been the toughest of my life.I have been in an arranged marriage, we talked only 2 or 3 times before getting married n that was a merely 5 to 10 minutes conversation so I didn’t get to know him before the big day…
Now the problem is that he barely talks or anything,he has always been watching tv and tv, some days pass by without even him looking at me, and its getting on my nerves to the extent of depression. Even he is not interested in sex also and there was a point when I started to think he might be impotent. Cant figure out whats the reason of him getting married. He didn’t even touch me at the honeymoon and those were the worst days as I was bored to death locked in the hotel room with him watching tv. Controlled myself many times buh cant stop my tears at times in front of a loved one. Recently I came across some texts to a girl in which he says he loves her n hes a 'zinda lash" etc. Asked him buh he says dats just between friends n the girl is married n therez no such issue of an affair…
He also stopped me from studies by saying that his parents dont like it, my parents talked to him on all dat but he says we will take a new start ,even after dat nothing changed.
The question is what shd i do now? plz i need ur help, cant live like dis for all my life:teary1:
Should I live like dis further with the expectation he would change ?
maybe his parents forced him 2 marry but whatever it is, it totally sucks cuz not only he is suffering but you are too. If he had to give in to the pressure of his parents he shud then also decide to be fair with you, i hate this that after giving in to the parents pressure they go back to their love which is pathetic.
i think u shud have yr parents talk to him and/or his family before it gets too late.
You need help in this issue.. and I think ur family perhaps your mother or a sister would be perfect for you to talk about the issues you are facing in the marriage. If your husband is not able to fulfill your desires and your marriage is suffering then you should consider options to leave him. I would definately talk to someone close in my family and perhaps they should get involved and speak to him about this so he can make a decesion as well. You shouldn't be married to someone that won't treat you as his wife.
Such guys are douchebags........ they don't care they are destroying someone else's life........
OP....wait it out for sometime......be nice to him....and see if he changes.....set a timeline......and if he doesn't change.....talk to your parents.....
You should definitely have a place to vent…perhaps this is the right place because sharing such feelings with parents will drive them to rage eventually for your husband and his family.
There is a possibility that he will come around. Ultimately you have to make a decision. Are you willing to stick around and wait for him?
Perhaps he was/is interested in someone else and could not be with her…imgagine yourself in that position. Walk a few steps in his shoes. Perhaps you two have been thrown together by fate…unfairly in a way…but still the deed is done.
Will you run from the challenge or meet it head on?
You are not asking for anything unreasonable…emotional and physical intimacy is an expectation that any spouse would have from the other…however, circumstances are such that he is not able to deliver…for now.
Perhaps if you show some compassion for his broken heart you may win his love.
Again…the decision is yours’ to make.
And just so you know…if you do decide to work at this marriage, you are welcome to come here and share your experiences without fear of judgement.
Gupshup often works as a support group…
First of all, im sorry to hear about the position you are in and you did the right thing by getting off your chest a problem shared is a problem halved.
As some people have suggested getting the support of your family is important so that would be a great place to continue with trying to sort things out.
I was wondering maybe he does have some sort of erectile dysfunction? That can seriously effect mens psychology and make them very distant and depressed as they develop deep insecurities.
I Have talked to my parents and even to his too uptil now buh nothing changed and my inlaws and husband not even admit there mistakes... and to be honest as its common in pak. to have a maid in the house so i wasnt used to do any work like cleaning, washing etc buh I did that also even in the first week of my marriage and the words spoken by my MIL to my mom were ' ise to ghar ka hosh he nae hota" n things like that...
n btw physical relationship is not the only matter buh both spouses must work to make the emotional contact possible still i feel that when i try to talk to him i m on n on like a radio , i feel like a dumb who is talking with no reaction from the other person :(
It has been a month my parents talked first confidentially to him n then also to his parents buh nothing changed since then.....
I Have talked to my parents and even to his too uptil now buh nothing changed and my inlaws and husband not even admit there mistakes... and to be honest as its common in pak. to have a maid in the house so i wasnt used to do any work like cleaning, washing etc buh I did that also even in the first week of my marriage and the words spoken by my MIL to my mom were ' ise to ghar ka hosh he nae hota" n things like that...
n btw physical relationship is not the only matter buh both spouses must work to make the emotional contact possible still i feel that when i try to talk to him i m on n on like a radio , i feel like a dumb who is talking with no reaction from the other person :(
It has been a month my parents talked first confidentially to him n then also to his parents buh nothing changed since then.....
this is serious, dnt let it be this way. yr parents need to be more stern about it.
this is serious, dnt let it be this way. yr parents need to be more stern about it.
Thats the real question, now my parents dont want this issue to last for long if he has such behavior, they are asking me to live or to leave, m only 19 now so they are lyk jitni jaldi faisla hojaye acha hai
Thats the real question, now my parents dont want this issue to last for long if he has such behavior, they are asking me to live or to leave, m only 19 now so they are lyk jitni jaldi faisla hojaye acha hai
Han so if yr inlaws and husband dont care about the situation then you need to make your decision and move on in life.
Divorce should be the last thing on mind but you cant let your life ruin like this. Its not yr fault that he cudnt marry his love, why shud u suffer?!. Have u tried talking to him about it? I m sure even he realises this is not normal husband-wife behavior.
Thinking does my life end after this n what will happen next ??
My inlaws have a problem with everything I do, dont know if my personal life ends after this.
They have a problem if I talk to my relatives, if I text my friends, if I tell my mom what i ate, tel her about my routine etc, if I stay longer in my room n the list goes on....
Thinking does my life end after this n what will happen next ??
My inlaws have a problem with everything I do, dont know if my personal life ends after this.
They have a problem if I talk to my relatives, if I text my friends, if I tell my mom what i ate, tel her about my routine etc, if I stay longer in my room n the list goes on....
Really feeling lyk a servant...
so the issue is not really the husband. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. this is messed up.
I like your nick.
Have you considered being a "faithful friend" to your husband?
Perhaps think of him as nothing more than a friend who needs your compassion and your understanding right now.
Life will not change overnight.......just as nobody should expect you to make sweeping changes in your personality, you should not expect that from anyone else.
If you are depressed, as it appears that you are, then yes, your dis-interest in your new home and family will be easily apparent to your MIL. And if your parents are critical of your husband to his parents then your in-laws are bound to counter with whatever observations they are able to make of your behaviour. This is just natural defense mechanism coming into play.
It is natural to feel like a servant if your efforts are not appreciated or reciprocated. It is early still. I have been married for more than a decade and sometimes I still feel like I am being used.....but this sort of resentment only lasts for a short while, relatively speaking. If I re-focus my mind and tell myself that I am doing my duty for the love of Allah and not for recognition here on earth then I am encouraged to carry on. He gives me the strength and iA will reward me in the afterlife.
Consider your options.....
make a list of the pros and cons of sticking it out in the marriage versus ending it now.
will you be any better off divorced early in the game or later on?
certainly take precautions against pregnancy etc......but I would not give up just yet.
Thinking does my life end after this n what will happen next ??
I know it's easier said than done but.... No life won't end....ure only 19. you have your parents backing and that's more than most girls have....consider urself lucky.
if u want u can stay and work at it but if u want to leave......its not going to be the end of the world. You're not going to win a prize in life for staying with in laws who make you miserable and a husband who doesn't care for his responsibilities.
waise one thing that really alarms me is that his parents don't like u being educated...was this education thing discussed prior to the marriage?
if u want u can stay and work at it but if u want to leave......its not going to be the end of the world. You're not going to win a prize in life for staying with in laws who make you miserable and a husband who doesn't care for his responsibilities.
I want to say you are right but I don't completely agree.
There are many marriages that start off rocky but eventually one wins the heart of the other. If not for any other reason but that they stuck around when one was being difficult. That's a prize isn't it?
The real question is whether or not one of the partners has the strength of character and emotional power to make a go of it when nothing is reciprocated.
