MILS who destroy their own children's lives

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: MILS who destroy their own children's lives

It's easy to tell people to keep their cool, but if cornered by the MIL without support from the husband, can only go on for so long before someone will lash back, and start acting mental herself. Abuse begets abuse.

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Re: MILS who destroy their own children's lives

When im giving suggestions, i make sure to feel it being in their shoe at the first place. If the mother in law and the husband is like that...do u think it worths to stay?? Even if i were to loose my control over my mil..i would certainly not raise a chappal on her or start calling her tu bakwas bnd kr!!

If divorce isnt the solution, do u think the picturized behavior was? What was she expecting?? Saying husband tumhari maa bakwas kerti hy and husband would reply O meri pari...maaf krde meri maa ko...aayenda se wo meri shahzadi k aagy nhi bakwas kre gi?????

Me MIL k behavior ko kisi bhi tarha justify nahi kr rahi but things could never be better with the DIL's behavior....
I feel sorry for girls who think the behavior of DIL in the reenactment is justifiable and she entirely didnt do anything wrong because i assume thats how such girls gonna behave when godforbid their mils turns out to be as same as this stupid woman in the drama.

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Re: MILS who destroy their own children's lives

^ I think most of us would just walk out of that situation instead of fighting back, but also remember, that most of us on this website come from supportive families and have some back up, in terms of jobs, education, etc, that we don't need to fight back. We can just pack up the bags and leave and send a nice juicy divorce notice along with a lawsuit to the MIL in the mail. Yes, at this point, with this kind of behavior from the MIL, she deserves a lawsuit for abuse.

But most women in Pakistan today still do not have access to education, jobs, and many of them are scared to tell their parents they're being abused, because let's face it, each family has so many mouths to feed that a divorced girl coming back home is viewed as a burden.

So yeah, when you corner any human, just like an animal, and give them no choice but to bear the abuse, at some point, they will fight back. That's instinct.

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Re: MILS who destroy their own children's lives

Not only a lawsuit, but also a police report. Tab jaa kar yeh aurtein sahi hongi.

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Re: MILS who destroy their own children's lives

And anyway, queen 24, you always talk about how supportive and wonderful your husband is, I doubt you would stick around in this sort of situation and even make it work, and I honestly doubt you wouldn't give one or two smart remarks to them on your way out the door.

So no point in justifying that the DIL should have behaved better, I doubt anyone here would take abuse lying down and still be sweet through it all.

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Re: MILS who destroy their own children's lives

LOL....exactly! My husband is far from a "mama's boy" but even he won't tolerate me disrespecting his mother like that. He won't resort to physical abuse...but if my goal was to get him to support ME in a dispute with his mother.....bashing her the way this DIL did wouldn't make that happen.

Yep. Even though the MIL/Husband were in the wrong.....the DIL was also wrong in thinking that behaving the way she did was going to improve anything. Heck after she yelled and screamed the 1st few times and things didn't change....you'd think she would realize that she needed to change her approach. It's stupid/insane for anyone to do the same thing over and over again & expect the results to be different.

There are women out there who are literally kept as prisoners by their abusers. They're the ones who have no choice. Yet this DIL....she could. No one held her prisoner expect herself.

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Re: MILS who destroy their own children's lives

Don't go that way PCG. Don't bring in my family or husband in your imaginations. I dont care about what you doubt or sure about, so keep that with you.

This issue doesn't relate to me and you better don't assume what I might do in whatever situation. Certainly not interested in your assumptions. It's my choice to discuss what I want to. Make sure, next time you don't involve anyone's family so that others can respect your privacy too.

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Re: MILS who destroy their own children's lives

Queen, I think using words like "tu" is a norm for certain people in Pakistan especially those from uneducated families. Just wanted to point that out as a possibility since the family doesn't look very educated.

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Re: MILS who destroy their own children's lives

I get what you're saying. Your approach is very mature but I don't really think I can say anything or judge the daughter in law. Who knows what a person like that possibly might have gone through if it was a real situation to get to that point of utter anger. I would totally agree with you that the DIL's words weren't the best and most respectful. But I know of one such lady who tried all ways to get her mother in law to like her and to change the MIL's way of speaking to her or atleast to communicate better with her so conflicts didn't arise. But they still did regardless of whether she tried to be just like her MIL and reduce the arguments the in laws started, agreed with everything didn't speak much unless it was practical to do so. The husband didn't much care to contribute to bring harmony and peace.

In the video, I won't judge the DIL or the MIL but all i'm going to say is that I would never want to be in the actual situation that the DIL was in. I've seen In laws that treat their DIL so lovingly, understandingly and preciously and the DIL gives that same respect back <--- I want that rather than that hell I saw in the video and my friend's situation.

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Re: MILS who destroy their own children's lives

I don't think even in illiterate and uneducated families, a girl would use TU to address her MIL, Yes, I know and have heard a plenty of such people who use the term TUM,..... Ammi tum karlo, ammi tum kha lo and even if they are in anger, they use the term TUM..... but the term TU, I have never come across it.

I don't even say that a DIL should stay sachi savitri and masoom and stay quiet and behave like an Allah ki Gaaye. I know how it feels when someone keeps provoking and you ignore the person once, twice and thrice!! You just can't keep the control every time and living with such a person can be quite a hell. Being witty, being sharp, being clever, fighting for own's right, raising your voice is all normal in such a case. No one would want to stay quiet. If girls who wouldn't have an enough strong family background would certainly want to fight for the right. The only thing that I oppose is, at least, ghatiya harkato pe to naa utro. The MIL in the shown drama was Jaahil. But the way the girl adopted was not even jaahil, that was Ghatiya! You understand what I am trying to say? Laro, zaroor laro but ghatiya pan p to naa utro. Raising a chappal and making faces and you remember a scene where she almost put her hands on her waist and moved her entire face like Ay hay hay hay ... could you see that?? That's what I am talking about. She was fighting like she was fighting with someone of her age!!

So yes, on the first place, I feel sorry for the girls who go through such situations in their susraal..... such MILs....Allah aisay susraal se bachaye sab ko, but I have always learnt one thing, if you throw a stone in the mud, its you, who're gonna get it back on your face... because the mud remains the mud!!

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Re: MILS who destroy their own children's lives

I can see both sides of what people are saying. Who is responsible for murder or manslaughter as Paheli00 pointed out? It is completely fault of husband and DIL for those actions. Even if someone is provoked there is no excuse to murder? If a woman is walking in skimpy clothing or wearing bikini it does not mean she is being tempting or asking to be raped. The correct action is to lower your gaze and move on. She is someone's daughter and sister. She should be respected.

Now are there ways the people involved could handle it better if situation happened again then in hindsight there are. First of all, we are not in the DIL's situation.We don't know how long abuse was going on for, what education level she had, if she was able to work and support herself if she left house without any family support. In some scenes she tried to be polite to MIL listening to her and following her instructions. Still MIL showed no mercy and was cruel to her. Obviously raising her shoe was not good and disrespectful. But then also her MIL stopped her from leaving house to go to her brother's place. She said bahu leaves only when she dies. She called her sister but sister could not come to help. She delayed in calling brother to pick her up. If she left, where would she go if her siblings did not accept her? Would she be homeless? Her husband was cruel and beat her up, she had no escape and no one to listen to her cries. Things like that can change anyone's behaviour but i agree she maybe should have been more respectful and speak in softer tone to try to change people's behaviour. If she did that there would be more sympathy.

How can society change? Police can be stricter with issues like domestic violence and assault. I think lot of times they dismiss it and say it's ghar ka masla and ghar wale say they should not get involved.

Society can offer women or children who are in this situation shelters where they can go if they do not have supportive families, or no job or financial support. I know of only one in Karachi. NGOs should be funded to deal with these issues.

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Re: MILS who destroy their own children's lives

Ummm so he should have divorced her, not killed her!!! And if You don't like what someone says or the way they say it, you walk away, not beat them!! Sorry, but this type of mentality is why peoe get away with domestic violence and such. So sad

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Re: MILS who destroy their own children's lives

Yes, on the first place, he should have divorced her instead murder. But the action was quite unintentional and was performed in high peak of aggression. Thats why it has been said, Ghussa haram hy...because it only destroys the relationships.

So if you think I'm justifying the muder then No, I'm not. Taking someone's soul can never be justified and the man should be punished for it. I'm just trying to tell here that if you can't lead your relationship to a brighter side...just don't make it more worst. If the girl was is such a situation where she could clearly see that no one would help her out, I'm quite surprised on her aqal then, that she chose such a behavior to spend the rest of her life.

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Re: MILS who destroy their own children's lives

Agreed.

Let me ask you this.....do you think the wife should've controlled her temper too? It's not ok for husband's to beat their wives if the wife says something he doesn't like. Is it ok for a wife to scream/yell/insult a MIL if the MIL says something she doesn't like? The wife could've walked away too no?

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Re: MILS who destroy their own children’s lives

^Agreed :hehe: