Few of my female cousins/ friends are in their 30’s and not married. They all have good jobs, are attractive and for various reasons choose not to get married or haven’t found someone they like.
It’s hard to advise because I wasn’t a typical “have to get married/kids family girl” and neither do I think marriage is by any means the chosen path.
I was talking to my mom and she mentioned my aunt (who is in her 50’s and unmarried) is not well and according to her feeling lonely. She blamed it on her not being married. I argued back saying if she wanted, she could have adopted kids (plenty who need good homes) or she could spend time in things like volunteering etc. She also scolded me for not advising my unmarried cousins.
I may have said all the above for argument sake but it’s a hard one where I don’t want to advise my cousins/friends on something I am not completely sold on. BTW I am happily married (I took my time and married someone I really fell in love with but would have been okay if we hadn’t met and was single). I have seen lot of broken marriages/issues and hate the idea of people marrying because it’s the right time or right thing to do. I also believe there are so many other things in life that we could focus and dedicate our lives to. I sometimes feel a bit selfish to have/ raise kids and live in a little bubble without concerning or thinking about the burden we bring to this world and our selfish needs (The list is long; overpopulation, overuse of resources, the declining population of every species except ours and of those that fulfill our needs in any way or form)
Anyway:), my question is what do you guys things of marriage in today’s age especially the millennials (born after 84) and expectations as we move into our 30’s and 40’s. Is it that important? Are relationships going to be that long-lasting? Is it harder than our parents had it?
Also what to do guys think of what’s happening around us and do you in anyway contribute to the betterment?
I would like to hear what you’ll think in general even it’s the opposite.
Yea, I wanna get married. No one wants to die alone. I see so many people in the hospital with no family to take care of, because siblings usually get busy in their own life, parents die and so on. If you find a great spouse, he/she sticks around till the end. But at the same time, I have seen terrible divorces and the nightmare that brings with it. I would like to be married by 30 at most, but won’t rush it. Will keep looking and if the thing is gonna happen it will happen. It sucks being alone but its better than being with a wrong person. And by wrong I don’t mean you don’t wanna marry someone because they don’t check mark all the boxes. No one does. But they should check mark important ones like family, love, some attractiveness, world view, spirituality and level headedness.
Level headedness is important. There are so many crazies out there I can’t tell
I am so worried about the younger generation here that it is not even funny. Marriages are hard to work under most favorable conditions and inject into this where many guys want wife to work and cook and clean and girls want to have the freedom of not working and not doing house work and to top it off you have parents egoes, interference and a whole lot of drama. It is a miracle that some do workout. People should get ready to and be prepared to be single. My friend was telling me the new trend is serial monogamy.
I am not looking forward to getting married. I’m not a housewife and mother kind of gal, so I do not know how many mother-in-laws would want a bahu like me. I have strict requirements with who I would want to be with, so I do not expect to settle. Though, I am also not desperate and thrive by myself so I don’t see myself falling into a ~deep depression~ cause I am not married because I am self aware about myself and know my attitude towards marriage isn’t a cover for something else. Ironically I am also a people person, but I prefer to have friendships instead of cultivating a romantic relationship.
People have this doo doo ass idea about ~romanticizing long relationships~ and how it was ~so much better in the olden days~ and it is like. . . . .gurl whet? People do realize that marriages were a huge expectation put upon everyone, along with having kids. There are about millions of examples of people who should not have been married, with each other or at all. They may have had the ~desired nuclear family~ but they cultivated a toxic home environment. People only stayed together for the kids, and even the kids noticed their parents’ hostility towards each other. People stayed in ****ty, abusive marriages for the same reason and look how that turned out. So, we may not have the ~longevity~ our parents did, but once more and more people become self aware about themselves and how they would function in a marriage instead of rushing into one just because of parents/expectations/culture/loneliness, the outlook on marriage would be better.
But asking people to be self aware is too much to ask for.
I’m in my dirty thirties now as well…After going through this marriage searching process…I’ve come to the conclusion that marriage is probably not for someone like me. I’m lazy, selfish, not ambitious, socially awkward and too much of a bitter asshole of a guy. Compound this with unrealistic expectations from a potential spouse and you got yourself the perfect recipe :). I’m not really a ‘people’ person, in that I don’t go out of my way to try and meet people. I can get along with most people and most people actually really like hanging around me… its just that my social anxiety is such that its not really my thing… I actively try to avoid big crowds, heck talking to someone new for marriage is really hard for me sometimes, but its something people have to do so I ‘man’ up. And I’m perfectly fine being alone, of course those urges of wanting to be with someone come…but I can calm those urges with a good exercising/weight lifting session or Ice cream :P. The internet also helps with loneliness in that you can talk to various people on the web…and I also have my nuclear family..so… I’m still not closing all avenues…but I have my expectations in check, thats for sure!
I’m going to start calling you the old curmudgeon!
OP… 90% of the time I don’t really worry about it (everyone has their bad days.) Like NaanGuard, I’m in my 30’s. I’ve focused on and built a career that I find very fulfilling. I’m proud of the things I’ve accomplished and while it would be nice to have someone to share it with, the need for that doesn’t drive me to get up in the morning. I’m completely self sufficient. I’ve filled my life with family, friends, a home, travel, volunteering… and an annoying dog lol. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, well… then that will have to be okay too. As with everything in life, it’s a roll of the dice.
Plenty of people are not self aware about themselves. A simple example would be someone who is constantly in and out of relationships. They can be annoying, inconsiderate, lazy, disgusting..etc. Basically a pain to be around. This person is just hairan, pareshan about their bad luck with relationships. They think they have done nothing wrong. They just do not understand why their relationships always end quickly without ever looking at themselves and their bad behaviors/personality. That is lacking self awareness.
Do I need a more obvious example, Captain Obvious?
Its like a tongue twista…A Pidgeon, A Surgeon, and a Old Curmudgeon in a dungeon …Trying to trudgeon and bludgeon a Wigeon