I wouldnt mind living with my MIL...provided she respects my space and of course...I respect hers as well. I have always believed in the joint family system but once you live in it as a DIL...things change. The Nasty Nand will rear her head, the Mean MIL will make an appearance and the Saucy Sasur will also have something interesting to add to the mix. You quickly realize even if you were chosen as the wife by MIL, doesnt mean she has to respect your place.
SO, yes I believe in it and still find it as something I would love to do. However, ONLY if my MIL has some semblance of sanity. If she is the type that will turn my marriage into a punishment (one that she delivered of course) then things will have to be managed in a way where both parties are happy.
My MIL is mashallah good so I would not mind...but off course if I had the choice which I do...I prefer to live separate. When his parents are MUCH OLDER and cant live alone anymore...then they can come live with us.
cooking in abaya and niqaab, because your BIL is around...
Wow. And I thought I had problems.
Some people are very serious about it PCG. To me it may seem like going a bit too far perhaps because I don't do hijab...but there are many muslim families where people are very careful about their mehram/na-mehram interactions.
Some people are very serious about it PCG. To me it may seem like going a bit too far perhaps because I don't do hijab...but there are many muslim families** where people are very careful about their mehram/na-mehram interactions**.
In that case, isn't the joint family system extremely unfair?
Khair....if the girl is happy with the arrangement, who are we to say then....
In that case, isn't the joint family system extremely unfair?
Khair....if the girl is happy with the arrangement, who are we to say then....
No they aren't very happy. It's just that they haven't figured out the logistics of moving out yet. I haven't asked for updates but this is what I know.
Well it gets hard if you do hijaab/niqab because then you'd be always tensed and limited in your own home. S really you'd just have your bedroom as your own. I know many friends in this situation. They make rotis wearing their abayas and niqabs on because their devars and jeths and susarjee are around. It's hard for them.
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In our family its not like this.We all do niqaab but at home we don't have to wear it.
The men before leaving any room just make sure the na mehram ladies are not in the proximity and NO we don't go to the kitchen in our abayas.
I absolutely cant stand my MIL, kahan say aa rahi ho, bazaar he gai thi na, ye kya bachiyoun ko pehnaya huwa hai, 22 rotis ko koi itni daer lagti hai (haan to mai tu bana ker dikha… sirf baataen he kerni aati haen)
I can understand all that nagging must get to you. But do you realise that sometimes our parents and siblings can be the same way maybe to a lesser degree but its there while we r growing up. Aren’t most parents on their children’s case saying howcome you scored 98 not 99 perecent. Lol or things like that. Or mothers always wanting their kids to keep their rooms super clean and if something is not properly places then we get a long lecture. All that does happen but we dont stop living with them cuz of this or stop loving and respecting them. So why can’t we be the same way with our in-laws?. Its a honest question to all you married people out there.
MIL never considers us as their own daughters my dear and the ones ur talking about is our family, our own flesh n blood
why the hell am i suppose to respect a woman who is like... "kya teri maa sara din upnay khasam kay saath kamray mein ghusi rehti haen jo tu kaam say anay kay baad rest rest kerti hai" uffff itni batameez aurat mein upni zindagi mein nahi dekhi honi
why, just why am i suppose to give respect to a female who was literally about to kill me, "ye lay duputta paker iska aur agg per rakh day, khudi jal ker mar jaey gi.... my saas told my hubby
MIL never considers us as their own daughters my dear and the ones ur talking about is our family, our own flesh n blood
why the hell am i suppose to respect a woman who is like... "kya teri maa sara din upnay khasam kay saath kamray mein ghusi rehti haen jo tu kaam say anay kay baad rest rest kerti hai" uffff itni batameez aurat mein upni zindagi mein nahi dekhi honi
why, just why am i suppose to give respect to a female who was literally about to kill me, "ye lay duputta paker iska aur agg per rakh day, khudi jal ker mar jaey gi.... my saas told my hubby
sorry maham, not in my case
i hate that sh!t woman from the core of my heart
I understand. In your case, your in-laws have gone to the extreme so i dont blame you for that. But i was talking in general, now all in-laws or dils r not that bad or not people one cant make it work with. But even then every other person is complaining, i wonder at times how many families there must be where there no such jhagdas among sass bahu. I guess far and few.
The point is: A girl should always think about her future in-laws as her own family, no matter what!
Majority of the times, the in-laws will turn out to be good and treat her in the same way. And if the girl is unlucky (like the women complaining above), she always has a choice to move out, divorce or if possible not marry into that family in the first place.
When you're not married and you are living under your parents' roof, you have these beautiful dreams of lving with inlaws.
Sabko mila kar rakhenge, laraiyan nahin hongi, sab pyar se milkar rahenge, etc etc etc. The reality is different. The interfering, questioning, nagging, complaining can be tolerated for one month, two months, three months but at some point...it will start to wear on your nerves and then you will want to separate. You cannot discuss things with your husband because MIL is listening, to have an argument you have to leave the house and go to the car otherwise the whole house gets involved, watching your activities like a hawk and blaming every mistake you make on your "ghalat tarbiyat di hogi maa baap ne isliye aisa horaha hai".
Personally, before marriage I wanted to live with them. I wanted to live with my MIL, FIL and just have a big happy family. I wanted to take her places, introduce her to my friends, took her to many many davats with me, took her to salons, cooked with her, tried to learn from her because there is no doubt she has a lot of wisdom, etc.
Now, after a divorce...there is no way I would put myself in that position again. Why? Thori doori se rishtay banay rehti hein...living with them is like apne pair pe kulhari marna UNLESS they're nice people and dont do roz roz ki chikh chikh. .
Are you ok with your MIL living with you? Or would you avoid rishtas where you're being told that your MIL will have to live with you?
(question is for both girls and guys).
As part of the classic extended family setup - no way. But if my MIL was elderly (60/65+, not forties/fifties like most MILS are when their sons tie the knot), lonely or disabled and had no-one to look after her I'd gladly take her into our house with us. No way would I live in someone else's house (doesn't make a difference what size the house is either, I'd need to be able to feel as tho I was in my own home)..
Also, if she did live with us she would not be able to interfere in how my kids are brought up. My cousin has her grandma living with her family and she constantly tells the girls they are not dressed 'decently', makes comments like 'why do u let her go to medical school, she should just get married' etc. etc. This sort of stuff would drive me absolutely mad..
As Reha said some d-i-ls can try their damn hardest to make the relationship work, but if m-i-l isn't open to it then there will always be problems. Same thing applies when d-i-l isn't open to having that sort of relationship with her m-i-l.
In the joint family set up you'd always have to consider m-i-ls ideas and opinions on everything - from how the kitchen is arranged to how you bring up your children. If you're someone who shares your in laws views or is happy for someone else to have such a huge influence on your life then it can work out for you.
jaisey ki koe knowingly aisey gharaney mai shadi kerta hai 
