Re: MIL slaps husband
firstly, thank you for summarizing the gist of the post in its title. much respect.
secondly, your mil sounds like a control freak. dont do her any favors or she'll ride you forever.
Pretty much this.
Amazed at reading the replies....wow.
Re: MIL slaps husband
My MIL told me to make lasagne for Eid but then changed it to roast chicken at the last minute. It was the evening before Eid and me and my husband and our baby had our shopping to do. My husband then told his mother that she couldn't change her demands at the last minute.
My MIL doesn't live with us. She lives with her husband, other sons and their wives. Me and my husband and baby live nearby on our own.
My MIL then slapped my husband and told him not to interfere, that he has no business talking to her that way about matters that only concern her and me. She said that a DIL has a duty to obey her MIL and that I should make whatever she wants even though we live separately.
I was extremely shocked that she slapped my husband, especially in front of me. My husband didn't complain about being slapped, whereas I thought he should have something about it.
Was my husband right to ignore it or should he have said or done something? Please can you give me your opinions. Thanks.
Amazed on the thread.
A battle of lasagne versus roast chicken gone wild.
And that on Eid day meal? :D
I mean Eid day meal is supposed to be Tikkay Kebobs, Roasted goat Leg or Liver Masala etc.
Not Chicken roast or Lasagna.
Hope you guys do Qurbani and sincerely sorry if you can't. :(
Re: MIL slaps husband
Why is she telling the girl what to cook in the first place? Issue is not whether the DIL was inconvenienced, but that she was being bossed around and her husband perceived it and did something to put a stop to it.
Bottom line - people won't stop abusing DIL's until and unless YOU GIRLS stop making excuses for these types of MIL's in the name of "respect". And there are at least a couple of posters here who will probably be such MIL's in the future.
Leave your kids alone folks, let them do their thing. Not hard.
Re: MIL slaps husband
I think your MIL was wrong to slap your husband, but your husband was right not to say anything at the time. She's getting older, and old people sometimes get irritable over random things.** I'm sure she'll realize her mistake eventually and hopefully apologize for her outburst. **Even if she doesn't though, I would say suck it up since it seems that its a one time thing. Give her a chance to calm down and talk to her about the situation in a rational manner. That's the least we can do for our parents. If your husband had lashed out at her when she slapped him, it would only have escalated the situation. So again, I think your husband handled the situation pretty well (ish).
Well, would you really love to see your mother apologizing you (for whatever reason, even if she is on mistake??)
If yes, I am totally surprised. I would never want to see my mother apologizing me for anything. I just would not be able to bear that situation where my mom has to come to me and say me sorry.
after a certain age [when sons N daughters attain the age of maturity, let alone married or not] parents are not supposed to mete out corporal punishment or act violently in retaliation for two reasons:
it's NOT advisable as they are adults and they may act in an unpredictable manner...apnii 'izzat apne haathoN meN]
it's Islamically not permissible because an adult is responsible for his actions [good or bad].
parents must never provoke their adult children in a way that they might retaliate in frustration.
having said that however, your husband did the right thing by not retaliating as it is forbidden in Islam to raise your hand or tongue or to disobey their parents...Allah says traet your parents with love, dignity and make them feel welcomed...one must NOT even say "ufff!" to his/her parents even if they are wrong except when they force you to disobey Allah, nauuzobillah.
this surely does NOT give parents to misuseabuse their God given status to them.
I can quote you the translation of an Ayat where it is clearly mentioned, Walden ke samnay uff tak na karo. You think, is it Islamically permissible to raise your voice in front of your mother??
I have read almost every comments here. I dont know how many of you have observed this line from the OP's thread but here it goes,
*My husband then told his mother that she couldn't change her demands at the last minute.
*Now we really dont know in what tone this communication was held!! OP mentioned this line but who knows how her son behaved and in what tone he delivered this line to his mother in front of his Wife.
Why when parents yell at you, fight back or slap you, they are told to be O budhhay ho gaye na isliye? I mean, really???? It means their words dont weigh but actually because they are old, they are acting such a way???
I totally understand how a grown up man can think when he is being slapped by his mother in front of his wife, but do you guys understand, how a (far) grown up mother can think when she is being told in front of her DIL that she couldn't change her demand on the last minute??
I have seen a lot of mothers around what they do for their children. When her 4 year old child says, mom I need an omelette and paratha and there she is in the kitchen, cooking him omelette and paratha, she slices onion, tomatoes, beats an egg, does everything to cook him omelette and while curling the paratha, her son changes the request at the moment and say...........oh........I dont want to eat it, I would instead love some noodles!!
And she.......... she does it!! Its most of the times kids changing the plans and your mother is always their to fulfill it!! What for?? To see such a day in her life when her son would come and tell her straightaway that you can not change your demands at the last minute??
I really feel sad reading comments like how old lady should consult a doctor!!
What's wrong with you guys??
No doubt why there are old age homes!!
And seriously!! yes, if the husband has chosen to be quiet, there is no need that the wife make him feel insulted. Its his mother.
I dont really see this as a MIL/ DIL issue. It is purely a mother/son issue and cursing MILS is for out of no reason here!!
Re: MIL slaps husband
Why is she telling the girl what to cook in the first place? .
Maybe because there was a one-dish party at the in-laws and people were assigned dishes; it's not uncommon. MIL lives with her other DILs and when you live under one roof, a laxity or greater comfort level develops in your interactions. For example, the formality of asking permission is lessened and instead of asking Hey can you get this or do this for me...it becomes oh get this/do this for me, yeh banaa do, woh kar do.
I don't agree with treating it like a demand with no flexibilty or consideration for the other person...and becoming aggressive. MIL was wrong in her reaction. But at the same time, there is a leeway in relationships. We all are guilty of making last minute requests and changes that inconvenience the other person be it family or friends. Sometimes you tactfully say "sorry I can't because...."....and other times you suck it up and make the accommodation and go with the flow. If one were to every time put their foot down and say "too bad, so sad, you didn't notify me x number of hours in advance, you are clearly taking advantage of me and trying to control me, etc etc"....."or how come you didn't word it as a request and are telling me instead"...relationships won't last. There has to be flexibility from both ends.
Re: MIL slaps husband
Well, would you really love to see your mother apologizing you (for whatever reason, even if she is on mistake??) If yes, I am totally surprised. I would never want to see my mother apologizing me for anything. I just would not be able to bear that situation where my mom have to come to me and say me sorry.
being a mom is not a carte blanche for abuse. stop the bollywood-style ideas of morality, frandshipz. mataji is clearly a villain hear.
Re: MIL slaps husband
Well, would you really love to see your mother apologizing you (for whatever reason, even if she is on mistake??) If yes, I am totally surprised. I would never want to see my mother apologizing me for anything. I just would not be able to bear that situation where my mom has to come to me and say me sorry.
I can quote you the translation of an Ayat where it is clearly mentioned, Walden ke samnay uff tak na karo. You think, is it Islamically permissible to raise your voice in front of your mother??
I have read almost every comments here. I dont know how many of you have observed this line from the OP's thread but here it goes,
*My husband then told his mother that she couldn't change her demands at the last minute.
*Now we really dont know in what tone this communication was held!! OP mentioned this line but who knows how her son behaved and in what tone he delivered this line to his mother in front of his Wife.
Why when parents yell at you, fight back or slap you, they are told to be O budhhay ho gaye na isliye? I mean, really???? It means their words dont weigh but actually because they are old, they are acting such a way???
I totally understand how a grown up man can think when he is being slapped by his mother in front of his wife, but do you guys understand, how a (far) grown up mother can think when she is being told in front of her DIL that she couldn't change her demand on the last minute??
I have seen a lot of mothers around what they do for their children. When her 4 year old child says, mom I need an omelette and paratha and there she is in the kitchen, cooking him omelette and paratha, she slices onion, tomatoes, beats an egg, does everything to cook him omelette and while curling the paratha, her son changes the request at the moment and say...........oh........I dont want to eat it, I would instead love some noodles!! And she.......... she does it!! Its most of the times kids changing the plans and your mother is always their to fulfill it!! What for?? To see such a day in her life when her son would come and tell her straightaway that you can not change your demands at the last minute??
I really feel sad reading comments like how old lady should consult a doctor!! What's wrong with you guys?? No doubt why there are old age homes!!
And seriously!! yes, if the husband has chosen to be quiet, there is no need that the wife make him feel insulted. Its his mother.
I dont really see this as a MIL/ DIL issue. It is purely a mother/son issue and cursing MILS is for out of no reason here!!
Well said.
She was and is mother before he married her. Maybe slapping him was not a good idea, but even if she did, so what?
Good sons just let it go by making a light joking remark and so should DIL's. Case closed. :)
Re: MIL slaps husband
This isn't the stone age and people should really try to show some decorum around each other in a family setting.
No, this lady should not have slapped her son like that and humiliated him in front of his wife because he was not DISOBEYING her.
Parents have rights over their children but they STILL answer to the same Allah that gives them that power. With power comes responsibility. What kind of examples are being set here?
Re: MIL slaps husband
HOW CAN SHE SLAP?
OP, why do you care if your MIL slapped your husband?
I agree with diwana here. The MIL should not have slapped him. But if she did so what?
OP didn't say anything about who was present or what circumstances the slap was delivered in so all of you who are piping up against the MIL, please calm your undies and use logic not your predispositions that all MILs are evil.
No one here has any idea what the relationship between the mother and the son is yet everyone is happy to blame the mother.
All mum's are different, yes. But if a man loses respect because his mother slapped him, he never had respect to begin with.
All you stooges that are ready to blame the MIL based on an extremely vague and ambiguous post from OP, I hope you respect your own partner's mother more than you seem to show for those of others.
OP, maybe give us more details? I know you're new to GS but people here seem to blame MILs for a lot of things. So please include more details otherwise your MIL will be quite insulted here.
Or maybe you're a mooli from the same khait.
And really PCG? Really? And you wonder why.... (too many things to list).
Re: MIL slaps husband
The MIL has some serious issues.I don't see an issue in the whole chicken vs. lasagna thing,but if a woman can hit her grown up,married son with no actual reason,I wonder what else she can do..who else she has been hitting around the house...??..The way the husband responded makes it seem as if it has been a norm around the house...!
Re: MIL slaps husband
^ lewl
No.
The way the husband responded makes it seem as if he knows it was his mother that slapped him and he has enough respect for not to behave in a way which YOU would have approved of.
Re: MIL slaps husband
^^No one needs my approval...!!
I am just finding it weird to accept that mommy dear felt the need to slap a grown man when the original post does not even say there was a huge confrontation and how some think it was ok for her to hit.But then maybe it is because I have never been around people who think physical violence is an ok thing and people can exercise it to demand respect and control.And regardless of the relationship between two individuals,maar kutaii is never an answer and not a normal routine thing.
Re: MIL slaps husband
Thats exactly my point though. The post doesn't outline some key factors yet everyone is happy to blame the mil?
If your mum slapped you infront of your partner, and then your partner went and asked a couple of random people who then said stuff about your mum the way some people here have, would you be cool with it? I sure as hell wouldn't be.
If a man can't take a slap from his own mother, why should we call him a man?
Lets try and be a little kinder to MILs here.
Edit: I wouldn't call a slap from an elderly mother delivered to a grown son, violence.
Re: MIL slaps husband
I agree with CoughCough here. People are going by their predispositions. No one has any idea how the son actually 'told' his mom that 'she couldn't change the plan.' No one knows if she slapped him hard in anger or just lightly.
As far as the GS lot is concerned, parents (especially of the MIL kind) should just disappear once these prom queens honour them with marrying their sons.
Re: MIL slaps husband
,,
Re: MIL slaps husband
^^No one needs my approval...!! I am just finding it weird to accept that mommy dear felt the need to slap a grown man when the original post does not even say there was a huge confrontation and how some think it was ok for her to hit.But then maybe it is because I have never been around people who think physical violence is an ok thing and people can exercise it to demand respect and control.And regardless of the relationship between two individuals,maar kutaii is never an answer and not a normal routine thing.
Would the OP actually say there was a huge confrontation? Don't we gloss over our own mistakes when looking for sympathy or approval from others?
This is one of the problems of Life1. People read one-sided versions of events and go on a witch hunt. People have been advised to seek divorce on these very pages based on one-sided stories of little mistakes or misunderstandings that aren't a huge deal in the bigger scheme of things.
Most people here are totally inept at giving advice. I have never understood why people ask for advice from random strangers on here who have no understanding of your situation and don't necessarily have your best interest at heart.
Re: MIL slaps husband
Nuff said.
Re: MIL slaps husband
^^Chacha ghalib you need to tell this to the person who opened this thread and asked a question.And that wasnt me...!!!
I find hitting unacceptable.Period.
No one needs to agree.
Re: MIL slaps husband
I was just responding to a sentence in your post where you said the original post didn't mention a huge confrontation. I pointed out that it's a flaw in humans that we gloss over our own mistakes. Therefore people should be a little careful when giving advice based on one sided accounts.
It was based on my observations (in this thread and others) and did not specifically refer to your post.
Re: MIL slaps husband
I also find hitting unacceptable. Totally agree.
But a mother slapping a son is orders of magnitude different than any other form of violence.