So mil has started again. Her little ways. I’ve been very ill and although she will make soup and stuff she still seems distant and a lack of care otherwise. She keeps saying how she is tired of standing all day ( meaning because I’m unwell I can’t work) so she has to do it all.
Also she tell me.I’m careless my.kids shoes are all over the place or kids other stuff. She’s so ocd its.not normal.
And today she told me that I’m lucky I go once a year to uk my mum couldn’t come as often ( my mum moved from pak to uk 30 years ago) . I felt like saying something but I shut my mouth. She also said how my grandad would come and tell her and her husband ( my.mums brother) stories.that my mum is always crying and in.her room the whole.time and doesn’t interact with family) really annoyed me how my mil decided to tell me this after 30 years
I think you are lucky she makes you soup, appreciate it!! Ignore the rest of the stuff. I know it can be hard to ignore but it's the easy option. Confrontation and arguments just make life harder.
You shouldn't care so much what your mil does or doesn't do.. If she's not being mean to you what does it really matter how much she cares or not? You'd be so much more content if you weren't thinking what she's getting up to.. That's "auntie" behaviour and we all know that doesn't end well :p
Focus on yourself, your kids and your husband.. Don't get drawn into domestic drama with her..
Have you thought any more about writing or other work to keep yourself busy?
I am busy. But she can really get to me.especially when she presents herself to be perfect and shareef and rest are not. She actually thinks she's a jannati aurat. Talks about how much gunnah it is to talk rudely to the servants yet she can speak rude to me and be oblivious.
Should I have said.something when she made those remarks about my mum. Should I say something when she told.me I was lucky I go yearly to see my mum she spoke as if she pays for my froggon ticket
Well, you ARE very fortunate indeed that you get to visit your parents in the UK every year; not everyone is able to so. There are people who don't see their parents in 5-10 years. She did not prevent you from seeing your mom; so let her comment slide. In fact, rather than getting annoyed at her for saying this, say Alhumdolillah to show gratitude and for protection from nazar. It is nice of her to make you some soup; some wouldn't even bother. Maybe if we appreciate the smaller blessings, we'll be given much more. Older people do tend to talk about their aches and pains and being "tired." The next time she does so, show some appreciation for her efforts (soup) and maybe she'll soften up some. I don't blame you for being upset about the comment she made about your mom. But it's a 30-year puraani baat, so better to let it go for your own sanity.
1) There was a time when you used to post about your mil not even asking how you were feeling and now she's making you soup..that's progress!
2) You are lucky that you get to see your go see your parents yearly..There are plenty of women (and men) separated from their families who don't have this opportunity, count your blessings!
3) The comment about your mom...yes, you have the right to be perturbed, she shouldn't have said anything, but in one ear and out the other...don't dwell on it.
Try looking at your glass as half full, not half empty Nadz, and I hope you feel better soon.
I get to see my parents on my own money. Not her sons. Or hers.
And yeh she doesn't say anything or say that I shouldn't go in.fact she told.me to stay for the summer because it was hot here although her actual aim.is to brainwash her son against me the longer I am.gone.
Trying to see glass half full.I don't wish to come across as a simple doormat by being quiet when.I'm.trying to be respectful. Am.I.coming across as a doormat?
Sorry i just had to ask do you work? Or is it money he gives you or your parents and you save for travel.
You mil is never going to change or be maternal with you. Jusr accept that. Just be glad you get to see your parents every year and can go back and forth it is hard living joint but you just focus on yourself. Can you get a maid to help with your chores? Just nod your head and go along with whatever she says nothing you do kr say is going to be enough. In her eyes you will never be good enough for her son or as a dil. Focus on your girls. And to be fair why stress over her not doing something when shes sorta making the effort. My mil likes to faff about to make a point rest of the tiem i dont see her or even hear frlm her. And we live 15 mins away lol
I get to see my parents on my own money. Not her sons. Or hers.
And yeh she doesn't say anything or say that I shouldn't go in.fact she told.me to stay for the summer because it was hot here although her actual aim.is to brainwash her son against me the longer I am.gone.
If you are now diabetic, bald, overweight and in debt on top of crap you mentioned above...with 30 years to reflect..i think it would be safe to suggest, it won't get worst if you leave Mil.
Have u ever tried unki Haan mae haan milana. K oh ji ji aap to bilkul thak gai hongi, aap ab araam karain, kab say lagi hui haen, Kaam to hotay rahain gay. And ji ji Alhumdulillah kaafi acha rehta hae UK ka trip, bachay bhi vacaTion enjoy kar laitay haen Aur mae apnay parents k saath bhi time spend kar laiti hoon, hamesha kahaan aata hae aesa mauka, ammi to itni daer baad Pakistan aati haen k mae to kabhi in say mil he nahi paati aesay. ]Bachay itna tang kartay haen mae keh keh k thak jaati hoon k they should keep their stuff tidy and pick up after themselves, Chalain iA kabhi na kabhi to seekh he jaaingay.And about ur moms crying in the room thing, yeh I have nothing for that, it's totally inappropriate conversation. Btw I don't get it , why would ur grandfather (I'm assuming nana) come to Pakistan and b*tch about his own daughter in front of his bahu. Unless the remarks were accurate but the context was totally not. I'm guessing it was more along the lines, meri bichari bachi (ur mom) ko itna tang kar k rakha hua hae susraal waalon nay k bichari apna kamra bund kar k roti rehti hae ander jaakay. I seriously can't fathom grandfather saying "bhala yay koi taur tareekay haen achi larkiyon k, kamran mae bund hokay bethay rehna, kisi say baat na karna, bhala aesay bhi bantay haen ghar". So basically that was just a ball of yarn ur mil threw for u to go crazy over and u took the bait (as usual, I might add). So I say try the haan mae haan trick. She won't know what to do with it. And u acting oblivious to her taanay and not getting it will totally piss her off inside.
Nadz, let it go. Thank God, she does not stop you from going because that would be horrible. I agree she has said things that she shouldn't have but take it with a grain of salt and move on. Whenever she says something like this, smile and say "Ammi jan how are you feeling? I think you should rest now. You have been thinking / working too much."
She's had a little lecture at me today just because I seem I'll and my husband bought.me a cream for pains. She said that she's more unwell than me and has been forbrhe last few.months how painful her.chest.is an how she is soooo ill and that.I'm only I'll for one day ( so basically need to get over myself.she was trying to say) she went on and on at how worse.she is than me.
And her daughter? If she has a stomach upset her.mother is all aww my bichari beti
Your threads always make me realize how ungrateful we, humans, can be. Thank you for the reminder
And this bothers you because your mother doesn’t go all “bechari meri Nadz”? Jealousy is a bad thing, just sayin’ :halo:
Your MIL is not your mother, why should she treat you as a daughter? Actually, do you treat her as a mother since you want to be treated as a daughter? It’s a two way street Nadz, time to move on. Your hate for your MIL has become your prison, do something about it.
