umm i did skip the shut up bit but having gone back and rereading (with a very criminal detective attitude, stared at each word i promise) i still think you are over reacting. If she is truly nasty then you dont have to be extra nice with her either. Just be reserved and if that is criticised then you can worry but dont honestly let this stress you. But so far nothing sounds truly troubling to me.Perhaps thats why my opinion appeared insensitive to some. I can see because you have been nice to your elders and sister in law you see her by those standarads. but every one is different so i dont feel you are being fair in judging her.