No no no, Boss! First of all, no one said he was a jerk. He actually was a nice guy although I think a bit unattentive and lost in his own little world maybe. The reason I am miffed has NOTHING to do with the fact that he is/isn't wanting to marry me. Come on now! It's simply a matter of ethics. I wish he was honest from the start and that he'd coninued to maintain the same pace as me from the beginning. We were both going a bit faster initially, which was ideal for me as I'd made it known that I wanted something serious only. The only thing left was to see each other in person, that's all. We never did get to that point though. I don't blame the guy for anything except that I wish wish wish he'd been a bit more honest. My feelings got involved and emotions got shatered in the process...it is NOT a good feeling! We all have differences...differences are good otherwise the world woul be a boring place to live in. He gave me the "differences" excuse but I feel that there was more to it than met the eye but he wasn't saying. Who knows?! Who will ever know.
Miss moona
A good candidate is always someone who you don’t have to bitch if things go sour.
moona,
The problem is not many guppies who come to gupshup come here to get their spouces.. this is the most friendly site and our aim should be to make it as freindly as we can.. plus from last year ur praising urself .. qualities in a person are felt and observed by others not themselves..
it is widely known that women fell in love through ears.. the guy may as many others can go a bit far when given such attention by a girl .. u ay get hurt if ur only aim to get at this site or similar one is to get a life partner..
Google, who is bitching? Not me. I am just sharing my story to get some different perspectives on it, which I am getting. Nothing more, nothing less.
Degas, you're right that this is a friendly site and people don't come here to find spouses. I do not praise myself. If you get that impression, that's your problem, not mine. Maybe you are misconstruing my confidence in myself into arrogance/praise. Also, I am not stupid...by no means am I aiming to find a mate through this or other sites. I aim to find someone on my own in person or through my parents...I am open at this point. I think that is the best way because guys you meet through family and friends tend to be serious and more marriage-minded...personal experience.
Once and for all, all I wanted to do by posting this story is to get a young-Paki perspective on things from you guys and girls. That is all. In the process, I have gotten some insightful/ some not-so-insightful feedback. Aim accomplished! :)
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*Originally posted by moona: *
Maybe you are misconstruing my confidence in myself into arrogance/praise
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Confidence is shown by actions and how one carries himself/herself not by saying, I am quite a catch etc etc. just my 2 paisa here.
Well, Mr. Fraudia, if I ever said it this way that I am quite a catch, then I must say that 1) my point of saying that was not w/ arrogance and 2) all I had meant was that although you all don't know me and although some may perceive me as a 'catch" or not, it is how I think of myself, simply put. I realize though that saying this this way, if I said it, was not the politically correct way of sending my message across. Sorry if you or anyone else misunderstood.
Moona
I could'nt care less about political correctness. I just want to help you here. I understand that here you are just explaining to other members that you dont see any issues and that you would be a good catch. I just wanted to make sure that its not the approach you take when you are talking to men that you are interested in. From your response it looks like you do not, which is good. Otherwise it may come off as annoying, overbearing and too aggressive. Kinda kills the "getting to know you" stage.
Dont take my rather cut and dry approach as being a harsh critic, I am trying to help.
Mr. Fraudia, I realize that you are trying to help and I truly appreciate that.
Hmmm...I am not sure if I am overbearing, etc in my approach. I do know that when I seek answers I don't enjoy being avoided and ignored especially when issues are important to be discussed for the benefit of both parties. Only when this occurs can I be a nag but it is to be expected because in the meantime I drive myself crazy thinking of outcomes and scenarios that may/may not be. I can't say for anyone else or whether this is good or bad..it is just the way I am.
I know one thing though...if one cares for the other person even a little bit, he/she will give the other the benefit of the doubt and concentrate on the positives instead of brooding on the not-so-significant negative points. That much I know to be true, gender differences aside. I feel as though I was not given the benefit of the doubt and that when things were not going his way and his way only, he became disappointed. Just my interpretation.
Dear moona, you're an idiot.
Moona
Important issues do need to be discussed. Do keep in mind that in some cases you cant address them right away. One needs time to think and really put some introspection in it. If its an important issue, especially where sacrifice, compromise or adjustment is needed, its better that the perople have had a chance to think about it rather than jump the gun and then rethink it later.
In my vciew the best approach is an acknowledgement that its an important topic and one that should be really thought over and then addressed.
Now if one was in a postion where one was thinking about soem important issue.Maybe he needs some feedback from family, maybe hewant to bounce it off some friends, and while he am doing this and trying to gain a perspective, he felt that he was being nagged, obviously he would feel that the other person is to aggressive. (he in this example is a generic he not your former "he" )
On the other hand I do think that both parties owe it to each other that if there is an important issue that they realize it and inform the other person that they need to think about it or get some advise etc.
Now on the topic of positives and negatives in terms of personal attributes and qualities. I do feel that too many people have too long of a "must have" list. I know girls and guys with these approaches, as a matter of fact 2 of my closest pals, both doctors, one a guy and one a girl are copies of each other when it comes to picking a mate. They have an extremely well defined ideal person in mind, which may only be possible by genetic engineering.
Make sure that you know the person's expectations, and whether you can meet them, and whether he can adjust them. Otherwise you are both wasting each others time.
Are you serious?
Dear Moona: Take this opportunity to come out of your shell and show that jerk up. Go party, hook up with some of his friends and enemies. Let yourself go, eat some icecream and zeppoles and start drinking grain alcohol with a heroin chaser. Only then would you cleanse yourself of that JERK. That'll show him!!
Re: Men R From Mars! Personal Experience!
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*Originally posted by moona: *
I am quite an eligible bachelorette and I just feel that I don't get appreciated relative to my self-worth. I have so much to offer some decent man someday yet some people don't realize that. When and if they do, it is too late. I will never understand the male species. They are truly from Mars!!!
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We all want to be appreciated by someone, that is a fact. Indeed you do have a lot to offer someone. Sure some people dont realize that, but then why let it bother you, because as you stated, you have a lot to offer someONE. Just one. The one. Not all the ones you will have some communication with but no real relationship with along the way.
I have the opposite problem than what you stated. I find too many guys ready to commit, whereas I dont want to. I enjoy my singlehood maybe too much, except in some short-lived moments.
Anyway, I have told myself that I am not going to try and understand the entire male species, as every male is uniquely different, they all have different traits, and they have to be understood individually.
Its good you are open to finding a partner using several different methods (parents, etc). Oh, and so what if you find your partner on the net? I know plenty who have, nothing to defend there.
The rest of the good advice came from others, so I wont repeat. Insha'Allah he's just around the corner. smile
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Roman: *
Dear moona, you're an idiot.
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Well at least she isn't trying to sound like someone else from another site (I think you quoted him on General some time back).
Xtreme, while I pity your clumsy Sherlok-Holmes-like analytical efforts to detect and declare similarities among people's writting styles, please know for the future reference that "You're an idiot" is a copyrighted phrase coined by devuchka widely used by many with an underlying acknowledgement to him.
I like "you're a ch******" (copyrighted by TMK) equally but I'm a little hesitant on its befitting use on women (what can I say, I'm a gentleman). Plus I'm sure it'd be editted in a jiff on gupshup.
Ha ha ha!
Bullseye :D
Roman, I do not need "un-constructive" criticism, thank you very much. Kindly keep your incoherent opinions to yourself.
Mr. Fraudia, point taken. Thanks for the suggestions. I appreciate the feedback.
Saadia and Munni, thanks for your feedback as well. I am learning the famale-male differences in thinking. I think both sexes need to be sensitive to each other in a relationship-type of situation. It is so very important. I really appreciate all your thoughts on this issue, all. It is helping no matter how harsh you all may be at times. But I know you do that to help me out, a fellow guppie.
Look, it boils down to the fact that each encounter is different and must be treated on an individual basis. What I did or he did right or wrong in this situation is all unique to this particular situation. I am not goind to defend myself or put him down. It's not right. However, one must learn from the experience as I am doing and mover on:) After all, like Munni said, I seek someONE, ONE being the key word. Who that ONE is, I don't know yet. Allah will guide me to him soon, insh'allah :)
oh, I'm sorry. Was that "unconstructive" and "incoherent"? Allow me to make it "constructive" and "coherent" for you.
This whole cry-baby routine sounds like nothing new to you. The guy was probably a gentleman who instead of leading you on for his own ticks or games was upfront with you when you tried to confront him. The way you chased him down and "got his attention" as you mentioned will scare away any guy. As a matter of fact, you expect a guy to make up his mind for marriage after 6 weeks of chatting with you on the net and you guys haven't even met yet! And this is all so because why???? Because you are "intelligent, independent, pleasant, and attractive" and have "mash'allah a lot going in your favor"????
You're probably somebody who's a whole list of characteristics written down on a piece of paper that you're looking for in a guy and every time you meet one, you check every single one and see if he fits your "criteria". It's like a business deal for you. And if you do find someone you think is right, you push him to make up his mind and if he doesn't, you call him a jerk and come here and bad-mouth him while pretending to shed tears and gain others sympathies, while rest of the morons offer their shoulder to you pretending you're the victim. But the minute someone criticize you, you change your tone because you know you don't have any grounds or right to vilify someone who was honest with you.
So what if the guy is into short sexual encounters? What's wrong with that? It simply means that you want long term commitment while he wants a short term relationship. So it doesn't work out. You go your way and he goes his way. But you have to come here and bad-mouth him. You call it shallow? You're the one who's shallow who wants someone to marry you just based on few chat sessions. You don't want a healthy, loving relationship, you want the social assurance and status of a married woman. Nothing still wrong with that except that it's the only thing you want. A meaningful relationship based on mutual liking and respect isn't really something you have any clue about and you'll keep scaring away guys with your long check-list of criterion and pushes to make a commitment right of the bat.
I think instead of logging on to the computer and chatting with half dozen strange, naamahrim men, you should just go back to your recital of wazeefay and drink up some taaweez and I'm sure your "knight in the shinning labaada with topi and beard" will show up on your door one day.
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*Originally posted by Roman: *
"knight in the shinning labaada with topi and beard" will show up on your door one day.
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mujahid, not knight, and paggri not topi. :D
roman waisay lagta hai tu nay baat dil par hi lay li ;)