Re: Men for SALE!!
I've never understood why a girl or her family is willing to marry into a family where the guy or his parents demand jahez?!
If a girl's family can afford it and VOLUNTARILY gives gifts during the wedding (clothes, jewelry, furniture ...whatever)....I don't see anything wrong with it.
However, situations where the guy or his family demands or expects money or other gifts, that's pathetic and should not be tolerated by girls or their families. Is there a lack of men in this world? I just don't understand why girls and their families give into these demands.
Personally, I'm lucky that my SO and his parents aren't like this. And in my extended family, this is also not practiced. With my male cousins that have married, I have never heard of my side of the family demanding or expecting jahez. And my family also will not hesitate breaking rishta talks with a guys family if we find out that the guy or his family expects jahez....not b/c of lack of $....but the idea of it is repulsive. In fact, I've heard of several cases where my extended family has turned down the guys family when it was discovered that the other side is the type that expects jahez.
Paheli,
All of us could have taken "stuff" other than our clothes and some gold our mother gave us but we didnt. Im not tooting my own horn here but how strange would it be for a woman to take pricey items with her but stand against jahez?
Its a custom to give large ticket items at a wedding from the girl's side and that custom itself contributes to the pressure families end up feeling. They have to compete...keep up with Jones. One family did it and now everyone else has to also. It may be hard to convince our parents but not impossible. I would prefer girls spend money on their wedding than take jahez with them. Its the reason why SO many girls back home are still single and cant get married.
I dont mean to offend you at all by the way.
I so agree with Reha here. I know couples who got divorced based on jahiz. To me the one giving the Jahiz is as much guilty as the one demanding it. I got married in a family where Jahiz is a something very very important. They can't imagine a girl not bringing Jahiz and trust me they are all very very educated people. I however, didn't take a single thing from my parents except of course clothes they made for me for my use of my choice and some gold my mom set aside for me. My husband and his parents are exceptional. They don't care about all this Jahiz wahiz.
*I think people need to stop giving Jahiz to their daughters. They are rich fine.. understandable... they can afford it and may be showing off or whatever their reason is. But if one person decides to give jahez its automatically expected that someone else .. the brides sisters or cousins will get Jahez too. *
I have also seen the trend Niksik has mentioned of Indian people. Its so sad. The guy marrying is supposed to provide for everything for his family. Its a shame.
Agreed. My daughters arent taking any jahez with them...at all. They will be strong and independant women who will not need materialistic things to add value to their package so a man can be enticed into marrying them. No way. That is not only setting the stage for future demands but also encouraging a custom that cannot possibly bring any good with it.
This is very common in Hindus and Sikhs. The government has started a program to help families where if a dowry case is reported, the dude’s family can be sentenced to 7 years [or so] in jailtime. One of my friends had the privilege of doing so after her would-have-been inlaws sent a LONG list of items they wanted along with this lovely, educated working girl. Luckily, she lived in an area where the police department wasn’t corrupt [yet] and they were “taken care of.”
