Men and fantasies -- yuck!

[Dimagh_HotaToNa]

Re: Men and fantasies – yuck!

@Shak killS

Dimagh hota toua na, well its story of one side, definitely this uncle is wrong, but I think in this case 23+ girl should also be accountable too. its disgusting situation yea it is. but if many in family know about this person, i think no one should allow him in family functions or near to their kids.
then again cause of family these are put it under the carpet for the family sake. but this will have very negetive effect on this girl later in life.
this should be raised with elders and he should be cornered in his own fence.

He is not a molester/abuser..

[Dimagh_HotaToNa]

Re: Men and fantasies – yuck!

@PyariCgudia

Dimagh it sounds like from what you’ve described that everyone knows that this is an issue - and that the family is trying to deal with it somehow. Whatever happened, its in the past - at this point, the girl can guard herself against this old man, and the old man can at least try to be faithful to his wife. You’re now entering a zone of personal matters - both are adults and they will end up doing what they chose to. Since the family has already spoken to both sides at some level, there is not much you can do at this point.

Guys will cheat - girls will cheat - there will be victims in the mess. And there isn’t much you can do to stop it when the ball is already rolling - just pray that the two have some sense in them.

Now, if on the other hand you actually witness some sexual act with your own eyes, then it might be a different matter - in that case at least alert the wife. But you haven’t seen anything like it, and I hope you dont.

It’s exactly the kind of conclusion I would like others to draw. Thanks. :k:

[Kaleem]

Re: Men and fantasies – yuck!

@Dimagh_HotaToNa

I just can’t do that to her! I may drop a hint if I suspect a dirty move (from either side) … Will that do?

DH you dont want to be an enabler do you? Will you ne able to live with yourself if he molested/coerced another girl in your family and you knew that you could have stopped it? YOU MUST do what is required i.e. tell his wife what you know so he can be stopped.

[Dimagh_HotaToNa]

Re: Men and fantasies – yuck!

@sadzzz

Dimagh, have u met the girl and seen her “larka phansaying”? Or is it stuff you’ve just heard?

i actually know an uncle here who is quite sick too, well we’ve seen and witnessed his actions.. and he’s been taken out of the social circle we’re in.. people refuse to associate with him.

a few years ago, i saw him walking around holding hands at the shops with a younger pakistani girl, who was staying with him and his family.. very disturbing.. the girls married with kids now though.. and he.. yikes.. he went onto getting married, kicknig his first wife out, divorcing the second wife, begging the first wife to come back.. bla bla bla.. sometimes u wonder what mitti people are made of.. those who cheat and those who keep returning to cheaters again and again..

Yes, a lot of times. errr..

That’s outrageous! The uncle you are talking about must be a psycho. He ruined his life. At some point, he’ll realize what he has done. Once a cheater always a cheater!

[_Tikhi_Jalebi]

Re: Men and fantasies -- yuck!

^ i hope they all go to hell for that atleast

[Dimagh_HotaToNa]

Re: Men and fantasies – yuck!

@Kaleem

DH you dont want to be an enabler do you? Will you ne able to live with yourself if he molested/coerced another girl in your family and you knew that you could have stopped it? YOU MUST do what is required i.e. tell his wife what you know so he can be stopped.

He hasn’t really done anything. I was just pointing out that married men fantasizing these things is downright pathetic --and finding out is even worse. He’s not going to do anything aggravating, I know that for a fact. o and he’s not a molester…

You guys are making him sound like an evil man! (I am not defending him, but the discussion is taking a wrong turn)

[Dimagh_HotaToNa]

Re: Men and fantasies – yuck!

@~RestLess~

I dont think an “uncle” can marry his “niece” under any circumstances. Besides, the romantic relationship u 've mentioned between a chacha n a bhateeji iz a lil too creepy. I personally think, ur family should take immediate action against this “very close” relative of urs.

No, they can’t. The situation isn’t that infuriating yet (and it will never be, I think). Well, you can’t really punish one for keeping sexual fantasies. It is creepy though. I agree!

P.S. This is getting too personal.. I wanted it to be a general discussion.

[_Tikhi_Jalebi]

Re: Men and fantasies -- yuck!

hun a guy(no matter who he is) who cheats on his wife is a jerk. PERIOD

[Dimagh_HotaToNa]

Re: Men and fantasies – yuck!

@~Tikhi Jalebi~

hun a guy(no matter who he is) who cheats on his wife is a jerk. PERIOD

Calm down jalebi. Take a deep breath! … aah.. feeling better?

[_Tikhi_Jalebi]

Re: Men and fantasies -- yuck!

actually no! hes a jerk n he deserves every bit of it

[Dimagh_HotaToNa]

Re: Men and fantasies – yuck!

@~Tikhi Jalebi~

actually no! hes a jerk n he deserves every bit of it

Why do I find you cute?

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: Men and fantasies -- yuck!

interesting posts here. let me address a few

dimag hots na says

There is no major problem but it's very upsetting to witness something like that.

if this is no major problem then why is it upsetting. this is a major problem, the guy needs to be confronted and if his actions dont change he needs to be banished until and unless he seeks treatment and sorts himself out. It would probabl als be a good idea to make sure that he has not acted out this fantasies with other kids, in whch case he needs t be sent to the jail where bubba will pla out his antasies with this guy.

ghulail goes ahead and lays the blame on the parents

if there is anyone who shud be told off....its the girl's parents...

and

in my opinion the girl is too childish to know whats going on, or if she does, then it could easily be like muslim-queen says...its the parents we need to blame...

aray bhai why absolve the perv uncle from any blame here. the girl may not even know what is up, yu dont know, but the uncle knows what he is doing, now as far as parents go, they need to be mindful if they know the background of this uncle character and keep their kids away. But lets place the blame squarely where it belongs, to the uncle and his sickness.

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: Men and fantasies – yuck!

@Dimagh_HotaToNa

I just can’t do that to her! I may drop a hint if I suspect a dirty move (from either side) … Will that do?

a married older man harboring fantasies about a younger relative…paying extra attention to her (forget what she is like) and getting too close is beginning of a very dirty move.

Do what is right, it may not be easy and it may cause stress in his marriage but the guy is a predator.

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: Men and fantasies – yuck!

@Dimagh_HotaToNa

He hasn’t really done anything. I was just pointing out that married men fantasizing these things is downright pathetic --and finding out is even worse. He’s not going to do anything aggravating, I know that for a fact. o and he’s not a molester…

You guys are making him sound like an evil man! (I am not defending him, but the discussion is taking a wrong turn)

finding out is even worse??? hey this way atleast you have the ability to stop it, yes it may rock teh boat and yes it may cause friction in the family, but

he is not going to do anything aggravating and you know it for a fact? how is that… you trust this guy, you know his limits, huh?

we are making him sound like an evil man, no his actions are…aray bhai what d we know he is not an evil man, lets make him the director of a girls hostel…

i call it like I see it, and this guy is a sicko…u are making excuses on his behalf and trying to downplay the situation now which ios strange since you brought the whole story up first anyways.

You are basing your approach on what you know, but.. you dont know what al you dont know..did you ever think of that.

[Sara516]

Re: Men and fantasies -- yuck!

Since when is fantasizing cheating?

[Shikra]

Re: Men and fantasies -- yuck!

^ I know!

My opinion is different than most people's here.

Didn't read the whole thread but I think he just fantasizes her and likes her? Which is dangerous to some extent. But why is everyone blaming the man? What about the girl? She's an adult who is over 23? She knows what she is doing and she flirts with him as DHTN has mentioned. Yes it'll be sick if the guy leaves his wife and goes after this girl. Yes it'll be a little odd if they both marry (age difference). And it's normal to fantacize other people. Haven't you all had some psychology classes? If people can think of other people while having sex with their spouses, then you think they won't just 'think about' another person? Don't forget this girl is a flirt and doing this on purpose. Why aren't there comments on that side of the story?

[Mehnaz]

Re: Men and fantasies -- yuck!

Shikra, what makes it sick is that it's not just 'some girl', it's HIS NIECE! No matter how much she's behaving like a lolita, it's his NIECE, which is akin to his daughter .... at least for most uncles I know.

[Shikra]

Re: Men and fantasies -- yuck!

Niece ko sharam nahi aati uncle k saath flirt kartey huey? People are saying that the man is supposed to be controling his feelings and emotions, but what about the girl who is openly flirting and giving him signals? I am assuming the girl made some kind of move that encouraged the uncle to make another move in reply. Had the uncle made the first move and the girl slapped him on his face or told her dad, this wouldn't have crossed the limits.

It's VERY HARD for men to control themselves, ESPECIALLY when the girl makes the moves (first or in return) and sends signals saying "It's ok, I am enjoying it".

[Mehnaz]

Re: Men and fantasies -- yuck!

I would think it would be easy for a man to refuse his niece regardless of how she's behaving. I would think that the man would tell her off for acting like that and tell her parents what his niece is doing. So instead of telling her off, he will sit back and enjoy it? That makes it o.k. cause she's encouraging it? I'm sorry, but it's his niece. How many men in their right minds would enjoy that kind of attention from their niece? I would think very few would encourage it as opposed to stopping it and telling her off. That's what makes it sick. Both need therapy.

[Shikra]

Re: Men and fantasies -- yuck!

^ Exactly my point! BOTH need spanking and therapy!

Thankyouverymuch.

And no, I am not saying he shoud sit back and enjoy, the point was that it's BOTH of them's fault, not just the man or the woman. The girl could've told her parents or the guy could've told his brother.