that I have a bad character and my parents would kill him if he married me.
such a looser he was to believe such bakwas!
It should be comforting enough for you to know that you are not married to such a looser.
I agree with you. but I never had the chance to do so. I was so angry at him. I changed my phone number right after he ended it and he sometimes e-mailed me just to ask how I was doing. I didnt want to have contact with him cuz he already was engaged a few weeks after he ended it with. I got forced married in PK cuz my parents found out about him and wouldnt let me travel back home fearing that I might find somebody else out of the caste (like that guy). So I had many personal issues going on for a very long time untill I got my divorce paper. Even after that my mind was so full and tired. I guess I am finally recovering from all I have gone through and therefore have this need to clean my system from his memories. Talking to him would perhaps help me closing this but I dont feel like contacting a married guy. i feel i will betray my husband if i did so and that I never want to do.....
When did you get divored?
I just have to share this with someone. Cant talk to anyone around about this…
I just saw some pictures on facebook on a friend's profile and accidently saw pictures of my ex/1st love’s wife and daughter. His daughter is so adorable and looks like him. It just awoke so many feelings in me.
I feel bad cuz I am married and shouldn’t start missing someone *who left me cuz his parents lied to him about me and my family. *
I feel like crying… why don’t these memories disappear? I am married to such a wonderful man and I love him so much. Then why do I keep thinking of another man who was in my life so many years ago. It was 11 years ago that we met and it has been ages since we stopped talking.
Why do I sometimes feel like having a last conversation with him to tell him that he hurt me so much. ** He ended it all by sending me a text message 8 years ago and we never spoke after that. ** I feel that this chapter hasn’t been closed properly…
I am finding it hard to resist to go ballistic on you. Don't you see the irony in what you just said? You are married to a good man, so cherish these moments while you can. Why do you have to go back to someone who did not treat you nicely, blindly believed what his parents had to say, and was inconsiderate enough to end it all by sending a text message?
Chameli,
I recently read a book that dealt with how to move on from people who have treated you wrong. And according to this book, it's a common myth that "closure" will solve everything. The author, who is also a psychologist, suggests that sometimes its hard to get closure from the person that hurt you because you're unable to contact them for whatever reason. And other times, the offender doesn't believe that they have hurt you.
Also, people think that if their offender says, "Sorry", things will magically be better. Usually, this doesn't help. Because the word, "sorry" is just a quick-fix and doesn't undo the injustice you went through. For a BRIEF **time, you might feel relieved that you **FINALLY got your apology........but then in the future you might start thinking about the past again. You can't undo the past. It's like ripping off a bandaid and letting yourself bleed again. But you can move on from it.
So.....as the author suggests.......YOU **GIVE YOURSELF CLOSURE!** YOU LIBERATE YOURSELF. YOU MAKE THE DECISION TO MOVE ON AND STICK TO IT. Also, it's good to focus on the positive. What this guy did to you made **YOU **a **STRONGER WOMAN **who eventually married a GOOD MAN. So this hurtful past brought with it growth, strength, and peace even.
Now, let's talk about the guy's parents. First of all, what his parents did was wrong. They lied to their own son, so that means they don't have respect for their own son. And if they treated YOU **and **THEIR OWN SON **so unfairly.........then most likely they will treat their current daugther-in-law like **CRAP **as well. Think about it, Chameli. Can you imagine the lies and the **FITNAH his parents would commit against you if you were married to him? If his parents have indeed played dirty, then rest assured, that they will get their just treatment from Allah. What goes around comes around.
Now let's talk about the guy. Is it really mature for a guy to end things with a girl via text message? I'm sorry, but that says a lot about his character. He should at least have enough respect for a woman to end the relationship in person. Do you want to be with a guy who can't even communicate in a mature fashion? This guy is also not an open-minded person. An open-minded and intelligent person listens to his parents' views......then listens to his girlfriend's side of the story......then contemplates the information.....and compares things BEFORE **making a decision. Instead this guy just **BLINDLY listened to his parents without giving you a fair chance. What does that tell you about him? It basically tells you that he is neither fair-minded nor mature. And he also doesn't have courage. And you need these **3 **qualities in a marriage.
As Iggle suggested, you should turn to Allah and pray to find relief from the shaitan's whispers. Allah gave you a wonderful husband.........so think of this situation as a TEST **from Allah. Maybe Allah wants to see if you are going to be weak enough to give into your temptations and be ungrateful for what you have.......or if you're going to be strong and value the blessings you have and move on. It's your decision, Chameli. Life is more about making choices than it is about getting closure. **Provide your own closure.
Consider the consequences of connecting with him. It might open a gateway of problems. He might start pursuing you....or you might start pursuing him. And in the end......it's going to be your **loss, more than his. Even if you tell this guy the TRUTH** about what his parents did, is it going to change anything? He can't leave his wife and daughter. Stay strong in your faith and move on from this.
When people do wrong, what goes around eventually comes around in some way or the other. And the BEST REVENGE......is being HAPPY with your current situation.
Re: Memories go away
redvelvet - thumbs up to that! :)
Re: Memories go away
somethings happen for a reason.. u just have to have faith in Allah and move on.
your human afterall and sometimes one cant help but jst question and think abt the what if and what nots.. but honestly dnt let this whole missing ur ex factor take a toll on you.. your a happily married woman and mA you have everything you could ever ask for in a man who truly loves you.. cherish that.. life is too short to get stuck in a limbo over ex's!
Re: Memories go away
Is your relationship with your current hubby OK? We don't usually stray until something drives us out of our home.
Unless you have self-sabotage issues, which are also understandable - but it is better to recognise such patterns before you behave in a way which may compromise what you have.
I suggest spending some Quality time with the hubby and appreciating the very little respect that you now very very ex- had for you.
Chameli,
I recently read a book that dealt with how to move on from people who have treated you wrong. And according to this book, it's a common myth that "closure" will solve everything. The author, who is also a psychologist, suggests that sometimes its hard to get closure from the person that hurt you because you're unable to contact them for whatever reason. And other times, the offender doesn't believe that they have hurt you.
Also, people think that if their offender says, "Sorry", things will magically be better. Usually, this doesn't help. Because the word, "sorry" is just a quick-fix and doesn't undo the injustice you went through. For a BRIEF **time, you might feel relieved that you **FINALLY got your apology........but then in the future you might start thinking about the past again. You can't undo the past. It's like ripping off a bandaid and letting yourself bleed again. But you can move on from it.
So.....as the author suggests.......YOU **GIVE YOURSELF CLOSURE!** YOU LIBERATE YOURSELF. YOU MAKE THE DECISION TO MOVE ON AND STICK TO IT. Also, it's good to focus on the positive. What this guy did to you made **YOU **a **STRONGER WOMAN **who eventually married a GOOD MAN. So this hurtful past brought with it growth, strength, and peace even.
Now, let's talk about the guy's parents. First of all, what his parents did was wrong. They lied to their own son, so that means they don't have respect for their own son. And if they treated YOU **and **THEIR OWN SON **so unfairly.........then most likely they will treat their current daugther-in-law like **CRAP **as well. Think about it, Chameli. Can you imagine the lies and the **FITNAH his parents would commit against you if you were married to him? If his parents have indeed played dirty, then rest assured, that they will get their just treatment from Allah. What goes around comes around.
Now let's talk about the guy. Is it really mature for a guy to end things with a girl via text message? I'm sorry, but that says a lot about his character. He should at least have enough respect for a woman to end the relationship in person. Do you want to be with a guy who can't even communicate in a mature fashion? This guy is also not an open-minded person. An open-minded and intelligent person listens to his parents' views......then listens to his girlfriend's side of the story......then contemplates the information.....and compares things BEFORE **making a decision. Instead this guy just **BLINDLY listened to his parents without giving you a fair chance. What does that tell you about him? It basically tells you that he is neither fair-minded nor mature. And he also doesn't have courage. And you need these **3 **qualities in a marriage.
As Iggle suggested, you should turn to Allah and pray to find relief from the shaitan's whispers. Allah gave you a wonderful husband.........so think of this situation as a TEST **from Allah. Maybe Allah wants to see if you are going to be weak enough to give into your temptations and be ungrateful for what you have.......or if you're going to be strong and value the blessings you have and move on. It's your decision, Chameli. Life is more about making choices than it is about getting closure. **Provide your own closure.
Consider the consequences of connecting with him. It might open a gateway of problems. He might start pursuing you....or you might start pursuing him. And in the end......it's going to be your **loss, more than his. Even if you tell this guy the TRUTH** about what his parents did, is it going to change anything? He can't leave his wife and daughter. Stay strong in your faith and move on from this.
When people do wrong, what goes around eventually comes around in some way or the other. And the BEST REVENGE......is being HAPPY with your current situation.
I have had a bad day. When i saw the pics on facebook I started getting emotional and got all those feelings that made me write this topic earlier today.
Redvelvet I just love you for sensible posts!really!thanks for writing such a nice post!:)
Of course I am not considering to go back to that guy, nor to talk to him. I just had some flashbacks and wasnt feeling good when I wrote this. I just had to let it all out and so i did here.
I am glad u wrote this to me.thanks!!
I am Alhamdulillah a happily married woman and no way I am gonna ever contact that guy.ever!
I did write a letter to him today. but not to send it to him. but for my own closure. it felt good to let it all out after SO many years!
Alhamduillah I felt much better and came home from work and had a lovely evening with my husband.
And for all those who thought I was considering cheating on my husband: I would never ever even dream of doing so!!!this wasnt what my post was about at all. I just had to empty my box somewhere without being judged.
Thanks to all the others for uplifting remarks. May Allah bless u all.
Have al ovely day:)