Wow, dude seriously? I want to know if R.A.W worries about his parents/siblings abusing him because it sure seems like its a valid concern for him.
That's what I gathered from these posts--
I have realized from some of the cases that I have read and came to know that it is better for a woman to also try to keep her duppatta correct when in front of even mehrams like a FIL, unmarried uncles (Mamoo'n, chacha....etc)..
I wasn't talking of just a duppatta over one's 'head'. It was a general indication of dressing in a way that fully covers her (no see through, tight, exposing...etc. stuff). Usually, things are not always there from the beginning, but they tend to develop with those minor 'carelessnesses', that leads to new 'ideas' (possible outlet discovered by a desperate mind). **That is why Islam doesn't allow brothers and sisters to sleep together since very small age, because it might trigger something devilish which wouldn't have happened had precautions been taken from the beginning.**.
^ Who is blaming them. Do you blame the crocodile or the victim. You can't always teach the crocodile, but warning the possible victims to 'be careful' can be helpful. My intention was not to tell people to watch out for the way their relatives look at them and get suspicious about them, but to just be careful in ones dressing even at home.
^ They're not. boys can be (and have been) victims of sexual abuse as well. Its a sickness not to mention a crime and its quite shameful and insulting to reduce sexual abuse to something like dressing.
RAW I absolutely agree with you on this issue because I have seen it happen and I myself have noticed/experienced it in the case of male servants in the house. Male servants to the extent that their nazar doesn't have sharam at times regardless of the clothes and therefore since I first noticed it in the form of me feeling acutely uncomfortable in front of one while working in the kitchen when I was around fifteen, I made it a rule that they would not enter the area of the house (the upstairs) where I mostly move about. The only time they were allowed to come up and work there was if I was out of the house or with my brothers in their room. Secondly, they are strictly enforced not to enter any room without knocking and asking permission even if the door is wide open. My father and brothers adhere to this for themselves and I would tell them (the servants) that if my father does not enter without knocking, YOU definitely are not to enter without permission.
As far as the na mehram relatives are concerned, I had very close friends back when I was in my teens and those sisters and I once attended a family function at their place with our parents. From a distance, they identified a chacha of theirs and confided to me that they really were apprehensive about meeting him. I asked why, and they said that they felt he met them in an inappropriate manner. That he hugged them for too long and rubbed their back while doing so in a manner that sent alarm bells ringing in their heads. I asked them why they didnt speak to their dad about it and they said that they felt embarassed to mention it cos it was a disgusting thing to say of someone and who knows, perhaps they were wrong.
I discussed this later with my grandmother and she said to me that if a girl feels the slightest hint of discomfort in a man's presence, then it is always better to be safe than sorry. And that if I were to ever come across any such situation personally, I should confide in her if noone else, rather than be ashamed to talk of it.
So YES RAW I know what you speak of and I agree with you
I didn't know it was the victims fault when it should be the predators fault for having such a sick mind.
Next you're going to tell us its the rape victims fault for being raped because he/she just happened to be there. or Its the childs fault for being a child and invited pedophiles to molest him/her.
No matter how much you protect yourself these mentally ill people will still be there. I don't see how warning us would do much good. =P
I believe the OP did good in putting this out there and creating awareness in case there are some people who dont know that it does happen. It is a disturbing issue , so disturbing that we brush away the thought but it DOES happen and I personally applaud the OP for bringing it to light because even those people who are bashing RAW at the moment will have this post registered somewhere in their memory so that if ever they see any signs of this happening, they believe it then and take remedial measures as much as they can. It may be limited interaction with that person, it may be covering one's self up more , whatever. But at least they will recognise it!
Yes, unfortunately I witnessed those few cases in my childhood and some cases the victim shared them self with me. After I was told about it I tried to observe and even my giving benefit of doubt wouldn't convince me to disregard the victims accusations. Once I went to one of my friend's house, we used to enter each others house without ringing the door bell (strange, but that's how it was due to family terms) and unfortunately I ended up at the wrong place at the wrong time. *It amazes me when people behave as if such cases don't exist, or feel disgusted to talk about things that have disgusted some people's life. The victims mostly never find courage to speak it out in open. How can they disclose it to anyone when they have to spend their life in the same house. Those cases are buried immediately because the victim decides not to disclose it either because of shame, possible embarrassment, fear, or because she thinks that no one would believe her.
*
Luckily or unluckily people around me have mostly felt comfortable in sharing their bad experiences with me for whatever reason. Some of them are stunning and better not to mention them here. I see people here are not ready to accept even mentioning of such incidents, so I better not share here the actual incidents and their details.
I keep re reading this post right now because I dont understand how people are misinterpreting what R.A.W. wants to say. Perhaps his expression might be slightly off but not enough to disguise the intent behind his words. And above in the highlighted portion I believe he has expressed a point perfectly.
Most of us come from loving families mA who protect us from external threats as much as possible. And for that reason, young girls do not develop a thought process which allows them to consider that family members, cousins, uncles etc etc might be capable of any sort of lewd thought. Girls' minds remain innocent of such antics. Therefore they may be** more relaxed in front of members of extended family who fall into na mehram category** as compared to in front of non relative males who also fall into na mehram category.
And all R.A.W. I believe is trying to impart is that there is great wisdom in the Quran and Islamic teachings about who actually is mehram and who isn't and that with all na mehrams girls should be advised to maintain the same attitude, whether they are related to that na mehram or not. So girls should be taught to take as many precautionary measures as possible in front of na mehrams. There is** NO cousin who is like a brother. Cousins are NOT** na mehram.
Therefore if a girl is able to go in front of her brothers without her dobatta, albeit in loose clothiing which covers her well, say for instance in her PJs, she shouldn't do so in front of a cousin, even if the cousin in question is "like a brother" and has been living in the same house in a joint family system
I wasn't talking of just a duppatta over one's 'head'. It was a general indication of dressing in a way that fully covers her (no see through, tight, exposing...etc. stuff). Usually, things are not always there from the beginning, but they tend to develop with those minor 'carelessnesses', that leads to new 'ideas' (possible outlet discovered by a desperate mind). **That is why Islam doesn't allow brothers and sisters to sleep together since very small age, because it might trigger something devilish which wouldn't have happened had precautions been taken from the beginning*. *
First of all, incest DOES happen people. It is an act which is out there in the world. We all know that. Therefore there is a word for it.
Building on that, in the time of the Pharoahs, we all have read history or know that in that time, there were marriages amongst siblings. So there must be a reason that the quran and sunna advise such things ie male and female children not sleeping together from a very young age. No need to bash R.A.W. over this at all.
Life1 is supposed to be a place where we can discuss issues like adults. There are valid points in his post(s) and I can clearly see his intent behind mentioning them. I don't believe he deserves the bashing come people are giving him.
I don't think anybody denies that incest happens, however, the fact that it can simply be brushed off to "careful how you dress" just trivializes the seriousness of the issue.
Baaki baat about joint famillies, cousins and all, I don't disagree with that. There's a certain standard of behavior that one has with in laws/relatives that they don't with their own family members.
Yup, on one hand we are well known for our hospitality (not to mention sponging off long lost relatives instead of springing for a hotel) and families being together all the time (doesn’t matter how messed up the relations are, as long as everyone’s under one roof) and on the other the pressure is on the woman to live in a joint family/bardasht/serve guests in her home. Jab aurat apne ghar mein relax nahi ho sakti toh kahan hoye
Ok i am agreed with servants or cousins part. But blood relative part is really absurd. Means i am not denying the fact that there are many victims of their own blood relatives but in those cases we cannot blame victim that she was not dressed up properly but those men are definitely sick and dressed up properly didn't help the victim in any way. If we portray uncles (chacha mamoo) like that then how could a girl feel safe at her own house. Means girls obviously feel secure in front of their chacha mamoo when they are at home or when they go out and some pervert stare her or try to do something bad with her. Most girls who have good very friendly relationship with their chacha mamoo consider their chacha mamoo as a role model please don't ruin this. And no i am not denying anything i am just saying that due to some bad people we cannot generalize all the men in bad category.
I have seen many fathers and brothers when they feel that their sister or daughter is exposing herself even at home (by not careful in dressing at home), they simple discuss this issue directly with their daughter or sister or indirectly by wife or mother.
As far as father in law is concerned i have same views as i have for brothers and fathers but yes i am agreed that their should be some distance in this relationship not because i agree that they could harm her but because it is not blood relation.
Hi. Here's an idea then, why don't we merge Religion with Lifestyle forums. Heck, let's just rename the entire Gupshup into Religion AKA RAW AKA Crime Master GoGo's Forum?
Seriously, all this shoving extremist religion down a person's throat without having any kind of base in any story, and just kaha suna is getting old and you aren't doing anyone a favor, you're just turning them off even more from religion. Do us all a favor and just shut it.
