In news we come across all kinds of weird true stories. I am not sure that such sickness of mentality is because of the desperation due to late marriages and too much weird movies watched by bachelors or anything else. I have realized from some of the cases that I have read and came to know that it is better for a woman to also try to keep her duppatta correct when in front of even mehrams like a FIL, unmarried uncles (Mamoo’n, chacha…etc)… Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who think it is perfectly fine to remain casual in dressing in a joint family system, specially when they wake up in the morning and prepare breakfast in a dress that is badly out of shape and doesn’t cover them properly (open buttons etc.). They even at times think of the male house maids as part of their family, who (bechara) hasn’t been taught about lowering his gaze so he secretly keeps on developing extra electricity inside of himself through the receptor cells of his eyes.
Sorry, for such a sensitive issue but due to many other fitnas rising, I have come to know of some daughters who don’t feel comfortable by the look they get by even very close relatives such as their own educated and decent brothers and fathers. There was a time when I couldn’t even think for a second about this disgusting issue, but times have changed (as evident by daily life news we hear).
Well, in cases where a woman's mehram are giving her weird looks, I really doubt wearing a dupatta over your head will be of any use. It means their fathers/brothers/uncles are sickos. They'll look at her with a gandi nazar regardless of how she's dressed.
I wasn't talking of just a duppatta over one's 'head'. It was a general indication of dressing in a way that fully covers her (no see through, tight, exposing...etc. stuff). Usually, things are not always there from the beginning, but they tend to develop with those minor 'carelessnesses', that leads to new *'ideas' (possible outlet discovered by a desperate mind). That is why Islam doesn't allow brothers and sisters to sleep together since very small age, because it might trigger something devilish which wouldn't have happened had precautions been taken from the beginning.
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Anyways, I once heard that a scholar mentioned that even though Islamically it is not forbidden for a woman to breast feed her child in front of her brother and father but in present times he would strongly advice that one should try to avoid it to the extent possible.
Also in the cases where a family comes from abroad to visit their relatives once in a long time. You can't expect them to immediately feed it in their minds and hearts who is mehram for them and who isn't. Most of them haven't even considered it seriously due to being NRMs "Non-Religious Muslims". Instead they are more happy with being hollywoodious or bollywoodious Muslims.
I have seen people who think of their cousins, SIL, BIL, chachi, mumani to be mehran where as they aren't. They are shaking hands, hugging and receiving kisses on forhead not knowing that it is forbidden for them. One of my elder cousins came from USA after a long time and surprised my younger brother on the cheek (as if our childhood days haven't yet finished after 20 years). As I realized that next is my turn, I had to run after mentioning an excuse.
And then there are cases of other extremes. A father in law not easily able to mentally accept and feel his 'bahu' (DIL) to be like his own daughter (for some it takes time to develop that state of mind) and when the bahu becomes over efficient in hugging him (at times also kissing) whenever they meet, he isn't able to remain comfortable, instead he is sweating and blushing.
You always manage to amuse and creep me out at the same time. Normally I stay schtum, figure your heart's probably in the right place but your manner of expression is messed up. Then you come out with stuff life this, and it makes me question your depth of understanding.
When you start these threads of yours, you take an instructional approach rather than one conducive to discussion. This, to me, feels like you are presenting yourself as some sort an authority, and I wonder about your credentials. Even that would not be an issue if your analysis of things was a little more encompassing, instead you tend to be reductive to an alarming degree. This is a cause for concern, please think it over.
I don’t know about you R.A.W but normal people like me find it pretty disgusting to even do let alone think what you alleged in your first post.
Unless you know someone who pervs on their own sister, daughter or etc and unless this phenomena is widespread I’d say you’ve grossly generalised. :khums:
Yes, unfortunately I witnessed those few cases in my childhood and some cases the victim shared them self with me. After I was told about it I tried to observe and even my giving benefit of doubt wouldn't convince me to disregard the victims accusations. Once I went to one of my friend's house, we used to enter each others house without ringing the door bell (strange, but that's how it was due to family terms) and unfortunately I ended up at the wrong place at the wrong time. It amazes me when people behave as if such cases don't exist, or feel disgusted to talk about things that have disgusted some people's life. The victims mostly never find courage to speak it out in open. How can they disclose it to anyone when they have to spend their life in the same house. Those cases are buried immediately because the victim decides not to disclose it either because of shame, possible embarrassment, fear, or because she thinks that no one would believe her.
Luckily or unluckily people around me have mostly felt comfortable in sharing their bad experiences with me for whatever reason. Some of them are stunning and better not to mention them here. I see people here are not ready to accept even mentioning of such incidents, so I better not share here the actual incidents and their details.
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I see people here are not ready to accept even mentioning of such incidents, so I better not share here the actual incidents and their details.
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People accept that disgusting things happen, but to say that its an epidemic out there is* COMPLETELY *wrong I am sorry.
As for your friend or whatever I have no idea what you said.
Lets see where did I say that there is an epidemic out there or all/most of the families have such cases. It is just an observation that one needs to be careful and avoid acts that might trigger something bad due to which a new perspective is introduced in desperate/sick minds of people who need an outlet for their sick desires/desperations that they develop after secretly watching sick movies.
Let me repeat. It might happen in 1% families, how can we try and make sure we don't make the same mistakes that were made in those 1% houses ?
I didn't know it was the victims fault when it should be the predators fault for having such a sick mind.
Next you're going to tell us its the rape victims fault for being raped because he/she just happened to be there. or Its the childs fault for being a child and invited pedophiles to molest him/her.
No matter how much you protect yourself these mentally ill people will still be there. I don't see how warning us would do much good. =P
I don't agree with the way our friend R.A.W has put forward his point and with a lot of what he's saying. In relationships such as the ones you have described, feeling that fear or being worried is retarded. I wouldn't want to think that my sisters worry about the way my father would look at them. Its pretty freakin' disgusting. Sure it happens but that doesn't mean one must take precautions unless its people you don't trust for a valid reason.
That said, he does have a point when it comes to external relationships and interactions. You wouldn't park your car without locking it at night and neither would you walk down an alleyway at night. Vigilance and common sense is the best precaution one can take.
But then again unless you're flashing your tits at some next guy in the street, you shouldn't live life worrying about such things. Just use common sense.
EDIT: Just read that post of R.A.W above, son that's messed up.
Let me repeat. It might happen in 1% families, how can we try and make sure we don't make the same mistakes that were made in those 1% houses ?
Because in that 1% its not a mistake, its abuse! by calling it a mistake and question as to how it can be prevented, you're indirectly putting blame on the victim in that they could have prevented it by not covering their hair or whatever.
Because in that 1% its not a mistake, its abuse! by calling it a mistake and question as to how it can be prevented, you're indirectly putting blame on the victim in that they could have prevented it by not covering their hair or whatever.
Shiii I missed that post. What the hell?
Wow, dude seriously? I want to know if R.A.W worries about his parents/siblings abusing him because it sure seems like its a valid concern for him.
