When it seems like it’s too good to be true.
Like a total heartthtob that’s super sweet…wth
On a marriage site, I met a desi guy who looks so handsome, Greek godlike but he’s actually nice and not stuck up. Hasn’t done anything crazy in college.
Yesterday night he went to the gym, ate dinner and just fell asleep…on a Saturday night.
Grew up in the Netherlands so had no exposure to desi culture. He’s an American citizen. His father died a long time ago and his mother died just recently. I can’t ask about his family because he’s in such a sensitive place right now…if it is all true.
When I spoke to him on the phone, he seemed awkward and nervous. He has an obivous Dutch accent. We talked for a minute on the phone but it was late at night so he had to go to sleep.
Questions you’ve asked to make sure you aren’t being taken for a ride or screwed over. Tell me.
1- Keep a written record of what he’s telling you now.
2- Keep channels of communication open by responding to text/email ontime. Nothing is more frustrating in a LDR than playing hard to get.
3- Most liars/deceivers want things to move real fast by creating a sense of urgency because time is the biggest threat to their fake personas.
4- After sufficient time has elapsed, objectively evaluate how much of their story has changed from the initial script. But don’t be too strict about it. People do lie a little bit.
Keep in mind that some people overplay culture-card to deceive. I had a friend who was born in Pakistan, did his primary education in Nigeria, his secondary/college education in France, lived in China for couple of years and then came to US. This was all because of his dad, who was in foreign services of Pakistan. This guy was a huge racist. Whenever he would get called out on his racism, he would play the culture-card. Just beware of folks who use their multicultural background to mislead.
I feel like online dating is better if the person you’re dating lives nearby - like in the same state. I don’t think LDRs especially ones on a whole nother continent are gonna work.
So, you’re saying that because it’s frustrating to a liar if I do play hard to get, I should respond to texts as soon as possible? I’m confused. What’s an LDR? He says he’s only looking for something serious so no casual dating or joking around. I will keep the bold in mind.
I asked for a couple pics and they all look super hot and the same. I googled Dutch or European model pics to see if he is using one of their pics as his own. Couldn’t find an exact match. Plus, his responses seem genuine…right now. Like his childhood in Amsterdam and memories he has of his time there. He’s said he’s committed to me which just seems messed up because we’ve only been chatting for a couple days and he’s hidden his profile on the marriage site so he doesn’t get any other notifications because it’s not necessary because he has me. I want to be as practical as possible. I will not be emotionally sucked into this make believe personality until he shows his face to me in person. Just in case he’s lying about the whole Dutch childhood, I asked him to speak Dutch and he was able to speak in the language.
His profile was taken down because of he did not provide documentation of identity on time so I became super suspicious and mentioned that to him but his profile is back up so it seems like he did confirm his identity.
He lives in the same state and 3 hours away. I told him that I want to meet in person as soon as possible because it’s so easy to have preconceived ideas about someone’s personality or looks. Oh my god, he looks so yum!! Usually hot guys like that are super arrogant, light brown eyes, brown hair, super fair(which is a turn off), lean and muscular …plus he’s not a mimbo but in a top management position in a big oil company so it’s all very, highly suspect.
I WILL NOT GET EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED!!!
I just have to stay practical. Give me more thoughts or something that will keep me practical all. Thanks for the responses so far.
This sounds exciting! Have you suggested FaceTime or video calling? I would try that at least once before an in person meeting, of course you would have to be comfortable with showing yourself. Another point of suggestion is to think objectively as opposed to emotionally. Treat it like an interview for an open position. Know what it is you want and what you have to offer; what he wants and what he as to offer. This will contribute to solidifying the big decision when the time calls for it. Don’t ignore red flags!!! And trust your gut.
The saying goes “You never know unless you try.” Don’t have expectations, be true to yourself and your values. Since you both live relatively close to each other I believe it won’t take you long to know whether he’s the real deal or not.
No. I meant that playing hard to get is frustrating for everyone in a LDR(Long Distance Relationship). You don’t have to reply ASAP, but do reply to them in reasonable amount of time. Some people like to play this little game that for every 2 or 3 emails/msgs, they’ll only reply to one and then wonder how come the other person suddenly lost all interest.
I hope he is a genuine guy. Think of it like a venture capitalist (VC) listening to entrepreneurs. Some entrepreneurs are good at pitching their business plan, some not. Regardless, a VC will not invest until she “gets it”.
He’s fully desi. I even asked him that. I don’t know why I didn’t believe that because my family is also full of people that have the same light skin and brown hair plus the light eyes.
I’d prefer to be completely doubtful and then possibly be pleasantly surprised. But that rarely happens.
Ever come across a super awkward good looking guy? Usually they get so much attention so they’re stuck up but he said that he’s not really interested in being around other women that much anymore.
I even asked him a scenario question of if a woman walked by him with a super tight, figure hugging dress and cleavage showing, is that something he finds attractive and he said no, not really. WTH!!! He would love that in his wife. I just find that strange.
Couldn’t find him on Linkedin nor could I find this gigantic oil company in the city, nor the neighboring city anywhere in my state, I mentioned this to him, bang, I didn’t hear from him again. I’m so thankful I found out after just 2 or 3 days of talking to this piece of work.
He says he works under Shell but he’s a project contractor/supervisor under most oil companies in the world and I misunderstood about what company he worked for and that he’ll explain more when we meet in person.
Wow. I hope you hear from him. I guess if you don’t then you know what that means. It’s always dicey at first and then when you meet someone and get to know more about them and really observe who they are instead of telling yourself who you would like them to be you can make good judgments about them and what your future with them can look like.
If this guy was fake, good riddance! However, there are certain other possibilities to consider.
Some people do not put their professional profiles online. I don’t have such a profile either, because I have some nosy relatives who ruined my peace of mind after they found out the place I used to work at.
Also, sometimes companies have satellite offices. I’ve interviewed at offices belonging to famous companies in nondescript buildings. Another possibility that comes to my mind is that he found your online stalking repulsive and gave up. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have done your investigation, but perhaps you should’ve kept it to yourself for a while.
Can you not find someone nice close to you? may be not as handsome or educated, but still a decent guy with a decent job whom you can meet up regularly and get to know better?
He’s already seen pics of mine so I figured meeting in person would be better. I don’t mind doing facetime but I can’t believe people make lifetime decisions based on the image they see with facetime or video calling. What if they have a really crappy computer monitor or the resolution on it sucks.
I did hear from him again and what I wrote above Illuminate’s comment is what he told me afterwards. Right now he is a stranger so that’s why I’m talking to you all about it. Thank you decentguy, what you wrote did put my mind at ease but it’s not really snooping but I have to do some background checking because this is the rest of my life, which is what marriage is and when the online piece comes in, we know nothing about that person except for what they volunteer to us.
Looks more promising if he’s agreed to an in person meet up. I suggested FT because it rules out a fake/catfish profile (in regards to the pictures) and you’re no longer wasting your time.
And in any case, people reject rishtas based on pictures, so no surprise if one was to reject a rishta from a video call.
…plus he’s not a mimbo but in a top management position in a big oil company so it’s all very, highly suspect.
