I know this is not traditionally done. A rishta has invited us to their house. I have only spoken to the guy once on the phone and our mums have spoken.
My parents tried to insist we meet at a cafe/restaurant but they said they would find it awkward uncomfortable.
They cannot come to our place as we live 3-4 hours drive apart and the father has poor health and is not able to travel that far.
Are their any disadvantages/issues at meeting a rishta for the first time at a boys place? Why is not traditionally done, there must be a reason?
Re: Meeting rishtas for the first time at the guys house ?
because you won't be serving the tea!
i say it's a good thing. you will be less on show, so to speak. you will arrive with your parents and don't have the pressure that they are going to be watching you in your own home. just relax!
Re: Meeting rishtas for the first time at the guys house ?
Why is not traditionally done, there must be a reason?
None whatsoever, apart from the fact that it's usually the girl who's on display so larkay wale come to see her. I don't see any disadvantages in both families meeting at a cafe, at the girl's house or at the boy's house.
Re: Meeting rishtas for the first time at the guys house ?
in olden days, the girl would come to meet the boy's family in the living room for a few minutes and then she would return to 'her room' [to her privacy, away from the prying eyes of the boy's family]. the girl's home was best suited to for this process of seeing the girl...and, hence the tradition came into existence.
you will NOT have this luxury of privacy in the boy's house.
but, things / traditions have changed...girl's are NOT that shy anymore, the girls are NOT in parda mostly and the girls want to be around the guy and his family...usually, it's NOT the first time they are seeing each other so it doesn't matter where the families meet...yes, convenience and courtesy should be the driving force behind as to where the families meet. :) Good Luck!
Re: Meeting rishtas for the first time at the guys house ?
GO!! nothing wrong with that at all. You won't have to do any of the work of entertaining guests the way you would if they would be coming over...hahah so take that to ur advantage and enjoy :P
Meeting rishtas for the first time at the guys house ?
It will feel more comfortable for you as you won't be wobbling in with the endless trays of tea drink and food! Instead you could sort of enjoy yourself and appear really friendly by getting up to help? Whatever the case good luck :)
Re: Meeting rishtas for the first time at the guys house ?
Hmm, i had be more comfortable if the meeting was not done at their home. Also, i am not in favor of the girl and the boy getting introduced in the very first meeting, i believe that step should come only after the families have approved each other. However, if you are comfortable with it then by all means go ahead with it and infact it's a good change that the guy's side get to be the hosts.
If you ask why this is not usually done...well that's cuz supposively the guy's side are the ones who go and ask for the girl's hand in marriage and its only respectable that they be the ones going over to do it. However, gone are those days and those "values" too so i don't see anything wrong with the girl's family approaching for a rishta.
Re: Meeting rishtas for the first time at the guys house ?
If it's in the UK, I think that you shouldn't worry about the 'proper' way of doing things. Just see how they are as a family and how decent the guy seems. Don't over-analyse it just yet.
Re: Meeting rishtas for the first time at the guys house ?
I don’t see any harm..in fact, it might be a could surveilance trip..you’ll be able to see the murgha in his natural habitat…get an idea for how the family “lives”, reacts with one another…you can tell alot about people by how they entertain guests.
When we went to go see a potential rishta for my khalla’s son, the larki wala were not very hospitable. Everything was sloppy on the table…lopsided table cloth, messy dishes, greasy finger prints on the water glasses, just real paindoo looking…It had nothing to do with their income or material wealth, they just looked and acted jaahil, and they way they kept their home was atrocious. I remember my Ammi and Choti Khala were so upset, they really got mad at my Barri Khala, asking her what the heck she was thinking, it did not seem like these people would mesh well with our family. But my Khalla Ammi was insistant that “Nahi, seeday saaday log hain…” They went through with the shaadi, and the first two years were awful…the larki and her family really did turn out to be laraaka, jaahil people. Things have settled down now, thank god, but my cousin’s wife always says “Everything I’ve learned good, has been from my in-laws..my own mom and sisters never taught me anything”
Re: Meeting rishtas for the first time at the guys house ?
Thanks everybody for the responses We have confirmed that we are meeting them at their place, we chose a time which was not lunch nor dinner so it wont be too much work etc for them.
I will update you all on what it was like!
ZK families have already approved each other by talking on the phone a few times, then me and the guy spoke once over the phone. Now we are meeting. So no issues there!
If he only sits for 10 mins and retires to his room I will think hes a homo.
**Too funny!