RV....wish i could manage responding in just one of the ways u've written... I was recently put in a similar situtation courtesy my nand. I live with my in-laws n we had relatives for dinner (Eid-3rd Day) . My nand was also invited for the dinner. She kept hitting on me indirectly when i was alone with mil and didn't for once look into my eye throughout the dinner. She kept talking to the guests (her cousin)....picked subjects i had nothing to talk about like the greatness of their own relatives. I was forced to keep shut; not that she held my tongue but coz i felt completely left-out... I was deeply hurt and remained silent all along. To top it all, she kissed me on my cheek in front of all the guests before she left for her home....I was hurt, disguisted by her show in front of everyone and her cheap blows while i was alone.
I went to my room and cried to sleep. Hubby tried to comfort me, but i was full of hatred for her. It is outrageous how people have special skills to qualify for a "meethi churi". She is 5 years older to me, has been married for 10 years, and i happen to be her only and eldest brother's bhabhi.....
I feel so bad even now, n i have to meet her today at dinner.
Fingirl...........I've dealt with people like your SIL, so I know what you're talking about. Such people are so consumed with their own self-importance. And they KNOW what they're doing. It ain't no accident........no oohpsy-daisy oversight. She was behaving so deliberately. And for such people..........they WANT their cold shoulder to bother you.
Believe it or not.......but giving the cold shoulder to one takes ENERGY. The other person is CONSCIOUSLY making the effort to make you feel like pooh through their silent treatment. Their purpose is to: 1) Make you feel bad........2) Get YOU to come talk to THEM. They want to see YOU come chasing after them for the attention that they're not giving you like a little sad puppy.
SOOOOOO..............Fingirl.............if you feel that you can't SMILE at your SIL in a condescending way, that's fine. Try this strategy................COPY HER. Just do what she's doing...........but do it better. When she ignores you.........don't sit there quietly with a sad expression on your face. SMILE at the next person..............start a cheerful conversation with someone else about various topics (fashion, books, movies, events, work, places, hobbies, etc). You don't need to wait for her to notice you. Don't be dependent upon her. Just try to ENJOY YOURSELF with people who are more positive and will respect you. Don't wait for her to look at you. Don't even expect her to look at you. Simply be the bigger person.........make eye contact with her first......put a smile on your face...say salam to her........ask her how she's doing...........compliment her on her clothes.......ask her if she needs help serving people the food.......and then just move on to focus on** OTHER** people/guests. (It's not all about her. Don't make it all about her.)
And when people like her...........see YOU........having fun with other people and not being affected by her evil agenda..................that REALLY HURTS THEIR EGO. Such people are good at dishing out a cold shoulder to get attention/power...........but they can't take it when someone does the same to them.
************* Plus........people are not BLIND. Other guest ARE noticing that your SIL is behaving badly but they're being too polite to say so. She's only making her ownself look bad.