Re: Meethi Churi
People who use meethi churi are looking to get a rise out of you....why give them that satisfaction?
I prefer Meethi Chhuri over Teekhi Chhuri. It kills softly. Sometimes all of us need such subtle reminders that pinch us exactly where its needed.
Yeah .. but less is more when it comes to meethi chhuri comments, too much of it can have the opposite effect.
Re: Meethi Churi
A meethi churi kills softly...there is no noise...not even a reaction most of the time because the blow is so soft.
The best way to handle it is to pretend as if it fell on deaf ears. Its like looking through people...you have to learn to see past someone and make them feel as if they're existence couldnt mean less to you.
If your SIL talks about things you have no clue about...steer the conversation in a direction more suitable to you. Make her feel like poo-poo by smiling at her jibes and pretending like she is stupid all the time.
RV....wish i could manage responding in just one of the ways u've written... I was recently put in a similar situtation courtesy my nand. I live with my in-laws n we had relatives for dinner (Eid-3rd Day) . My nand was also invited for the dinner. She kept hitting on me indirectly when i was alone with mil and didn't for once look into my eye throughout the dinner. She kept talking to the guests (her cousin)....picked subjects i had nothing to talk about like the greatness of their own relatives. I was forced to keep shut; not that she held my tongue but coz i felt completely left-out... I was deeply hurt and remained silent all along. To top it all, she kissed me on my cheek in front of all the guests before she left for her home....I was hurt, disguisted by her show in front of everyone and her cheap blows while i was alone.
I went to my room and cried to sleep. Hubby tried to comfort me, but i was full of hatred for her. It is outrageous how people have special skills to qualify for a "meethi churi". She is 5 years older to me, has been married for 10 years, and i happen to be her only and eldest brother's bhabhi.....
I feel so bad even now, n i have to meet her today at dinner.
Fingirl...........I've dealt with people like your SIL, so I know what you're talking about. Such people are so consumed with their own self-importance. And they KNOW what they're doing. It ain't no accident........no oohpsy-daisy oversight. She was behaving so deliberately. And for such people..........they WANT their cold shoulder to bother you.
Believe it or not.......but giving the cold shoulder to one takes ENERGY. The other person is CONSCIOUSLY making the effort to make you feel like pooh through their silent treatment. Their purpose is to: 1) Make you feel bad........2) Get YOU to come talk to THEM. They want to see YOU come chasing after them for the attention that they're not giving you like a little sad puppy.
SOOOOOO..............Fingirl.............if you feel that you can't SMILE at your SIL in a condescending way, that's fine. Try this strategy................COPY HER. Just do what she's doing...........but do it better. When she ignores you.........don't sit there quietly with a sad expression on your face. SMILE at the next person..............start a cheerful conversation with someone else about various topics (fashion, books, movies, events, work, places, hobbies, etc). You don't need to wait for her to notice you. Don't be dependent upon her. Just try to ENJOY YOURSELF with people who are more positive and will respect you. Don't wait for her to look at you. Don't even expect her to look at you. Simply be the bigger person.........make eye contact with her first......put a smile on your face...say salam to her........ask her how she's doing...........compliment her on her clothes.......ask her if she needs help serving people the food.......and then just move on to focus on** OTHER** people/guests. (It's not all about her. Don't make it all about her.)
And when people like her...........see YOU........having fun with other people and not being affected by her evil agenda..................that REALLY HURTS THEIR EGO. Such people are good at dishing out a cold shoulder to get attention/power...........but they can't take it when someone does the same to them.
************* Plus........people are not BLIND. Other guest ARE noticing that your SIL is behaving badly but they're being too polite to say so. She's only making her ownself look bad.
A "churi" is a knife. It's purpose is to cut.
Offtopic for a sec, do you really think GS users are so stupid that nobody knows what purpose a knife serves?
Offtopic for a sec, do you really think GS users are so stupid that nobody knows what purpose a knife serves?
I wanted to tie the "cutting" function of a knife to the idea of a "cutting" remark. No, I wasn't thinking that GS users are stupid about the function of a knife. That was not the type of outlook I had......when typing the post. It was a negative assumption on your part. Nevertheless, my apologies if you or anyone else felt offended or insulted.
now you are using teekhi churi, Sara!
Fingirl...........I've dealt with people like your SIL, so I know what you're talking about. Such people are so consumed with their own self-importance. And they KNOW what they're doing. It ain't no accident........no oohpsy-daisy oversight. She was behaving so deliberately. And for such people..........they WANT their cold shoulder to bother you.
Believe it or not.......but giving the cold shoulder to one takes ENERGY. The other person is CONSCIOUSLY making the effort to make you feel like pooh through their silent treatment. Their purpose is to: 1) Make you feel bad........2) Get YOU to come talk to THEM. They want to see YOU come chasing after them for the attention that they're not giving you like a little sad puppy.
SOOOOOO..............Fingirl.............if you feel that you can't SMILE at your SIL in a condescending way, that's fine. Try this strategy................COPY HER. Just do what she's doing...........but do it better. When she ignores you.........don't sit there quietly with a sad expression on your face. SMILE at the next person..............start a cheerful conversation with someone else about various topics (fashion, books, movies, events, work, places, hobbies, etc). You don't need to wait for her to notice you. Don't be dependent upon her. Just try to ENJOY YOURSELF with people who are more positive and will respect you. Don't wait for her to look at you. Don't even expect her to look at you. Simply be the bigger person.........make eye contact with her first......put a smile on your face...say salam to her........ask her how she's doing...........compliment her on her clothes.......ask her if she needs help serving people the food.......and then just move on to focus on** OTHER** people/guests. (It's not all about her. Don't make it all about her.)
And when people like her...........see YOU........having fun with other people and not being affected by her evil agenda..................that REALLY HURTS THEIR EGO. Such people are good at dishing out a cold shoulder to get attention/power...........but they can't take it when someone does the same to them.
************* Plus........people are not BLIND. Other guest ARE noticing that your SIL is behaving badly but they're being too polite to say so. She's only making her ownself look bad.
So true RV.....i knew my silence wasn't going to do me any good n i so regret letting her win over the other day....i know i was wrong in not being able to pretend that i was unaffected by her indifference....the worst is that she's my nand, n i have to see her every few days....
Had someone else given me such treatment, i would've broken terms with them n never seen them again till death....i hate to confront n feel i've dealt with the other person this way....sadly, with in-laws it isn't possible n it's worse coz i can't do either n curse myself for days n months....
SIL had come yesterday. I didnt say much except salaam...she came around, sweetly smiled and intiated to talk a couple of times. i replied but didnt make any effort to start anything myself....i talked to the guests who were invited..this time not their relatives....
i feel u're right....meethi churis are fully capable of putting the receiver in doubts...the other day i clearly felt her cheap blows were directed to me, but i was a tad unsure if they were just casual remarks! BUT, it's all done smoothly and intentionally.
A meethi churi kills softly...there is no noise...not even a reaction most of the time because the blow is so soft.
The best way to handle it is to pretend as if it fell on deaf ears. Its like looking through people...you have to learn to see past someone and make them feel as if they're existence couldnt mean less to you.
If your SIL talks about things you have no clue about...steer the conversation in a direction more suitable to you. Make her feel like poo-poo by smiling at her jibes and pretending like she is stupid all the time.
PSquared..she deserved to be treated just like you said....but tackling meethi churi's is so so difficult....esp...coz i call her "baji" though being her eldest bro's wife which would mean to her n my in-laws that i'm badtameez n know little to respect "elders" So unfair!!!
Re: Meethi Churi
Be sly and cunning about it. Dont let anyone see you, always make sure you're alone with her.
Like for instance, my SIL once made a remark about my mehndi on my wedding day. She said "ye kaisi mehndi hai...ye to kuch bhi nahin...Pakistan mein lagti hai dulhanon vali mehndi". I stayed quiet at that point...didnt say anything because I was sooo distracted by all the things going on around me at the time.
Later one day, I went into her room pretending to be interested in seeing what clothes she was going to wear for a party we were going to. I looked at them and said "ye kaise kapre hein...dulhey ki behen hein aap...isse ache kapre to meri ammi ghar pe pehenti hein". You should have seen her face...jal jal ke KOYLA!
Bassssss...topic KHALLAS!
See, ordinarily I would say be nice, dont respond, treat her like your own, blah blah blah. Lekin, its different when you're being stepped on all the time. If you dont start defending yourself, pretty soon you begin resenting the people around you and become very angry all the time. You need to do this for your own sanity and respect. Dont let people walk all over you.
Re: Meethi Churi
Fin.........what did I tell you? Meethi churis love to hurt others/ignore others....because it give them a false sense of power. But they themselves can't tolerate it when someone does the SAME thing to them.
And that's exactly what happened isn't it? When you started acting CALM and confident and unaffected and didn't give her much attention and interacted positively with others..........................**SHE **started "initiating" conversations with you. She couldn't handle it.
She wanted to see you down and hurt and upset. But the next time you showed her that you're not bothered. She wanted you to chase after her.......and when she noticed you weren't going to exert the energy.......she started coming to you.
Just continue being polite to her.......but don't be too dependent upon her and don't expect much from her. The more emotionally attached you allow yourself to become to a person (especially one whom you don't trust or who doesn't respect you)......you're setting yourself up to get hurt. SO.....mingle......socialize with a variety of people. Be nice to your SIL.......but always remember to be careful about what you say to her. She's not your "sister"......and people can screw you over behind your back. So, be polite but cautious:)