Med school & wedding

Lifestyle Relationships
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Did anyone in med school ever plan/have a wedding? How did it work out for you? When did you do it? Any suggestions?
Right now my fiance and I are looking at the summer b/w 2nd and 3rd year. But since, it’s Ramadan for a bulk of it, we’d have 14 days or so to have the actual festivities before we’d have to start rotations. It kind of put a damper on our plans but we really just want to be married before we start 3rd year.

thanks!

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Re: Med school & wedding

When you are thirsty you drink water. Marriage is more like this. Better to have it when you really want it.

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Re: Med school & wedding

I began planning my wedding when I was in my last year of uni. It wasn't med school but the degree I was working towards was in the medical field. It went rather well, except for not being able to have the wedding in the summer as we had originally wanted (on account of the fact that I was going to be graduating in May and was super busy with final exams and graduation stuff).

The best advice I would say is have a clear idea of exactly when you would like to get married and try to have a set date as soon as you can and if you're having multiple events, make certain that you plan these in manner that gives you enough time between events to get everything sorted without having to scramble (as scrambling to get things ready between events makes the process rather stressful). Another important thing is NOT to procrastinate when it comes to the wedding planning.

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Re: Med school & wedding

thanks for the advice! I was wondering, when did you end up getting married, if not in the summer? Also, did you have to cut back on the events? it's such a stupid thing to be sad about since I'm going to be marrying the man of my dreams but I can't help but want a full out wedding.

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Re: Med school & wedding

^ I ended up getting married in February (a week ago this saturday actually :)) as a couple of things came up, the primary one being my fiance having to travel and be away for an extended period of time for his job. Another issue was that the engagement party is quite important in my culture and is often as big as the wedding itself, so I needed ample time to get that sorted as well. I didn't have to cut back on any of the events. However, for cultural reasons I had less events to worry about than the average Pakistani wedding (for example, we don't have a mayoun or valima). Another thing that helped a bit was that my mum and mum-in-law helped quite a bit with the planning of some of the events. Truth be told, my engagement party was planned almost exclusively by them and God only knows how that would have turned out if they had left me to my own devices with that.

I don't think it's stupid at all to want a full out wedding. I felt that was well during the course of the planning.

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Re: Med school & wedding

thanks again for your input. The mayoun and walima are posing the problem. I don't have enough time to do a mayoun (we wanted to wait a 2-3 days after the mayoun to have the mehndi) and the way it's looking now, the mehndi would have to be the night of eid (which would be a problem if, like every other year, no one can agree as to when Eid actually IS). Walima would basically have to be 6 months later because we'd have to fly across the country to have that where he's originally from. It seems pointless/impossible to try to do it over the summer but neither one of us wants to wait another 2-3 years until we graduate to do it.

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Med school & wedding

The 14 days gap u mentioned in summer before/after ramzaan could that not be utilised? Could the mayoun/mehndi not be on the same day? Keep the mayoun as a day function and mehndi in the evening? Or just have a mayoun at home a small gathering and keep the mehndi as a main function

Valima wise if all his family r attending and they would like their own function in their home town get that booked at the same time. So you have a date booked like on a weekend which can work for you all.

Or would you have anytime before ur rotations start?

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Med school & wedding

Apologies just read when your rotations are. Also how long is your summer break as ramzaan will be beginjng of july/end of june this year

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Re: Med school & wedding

The gap is in the 14 days after Ramadan which is when all the shaadi events would need to be. Can you do a mayoun/mehndi on the same day? I wasn't aware you could...that might work then. If Ramadan wasn't happening, I would have a solid 2 months for the wedding hungama, but I can't do that with Ramadan starting right after we take our boards.

As of now:

Board test date: June 15
Ramadan: June 17
Eid: July 17
Rotation start: July 27

This might be a bit out there but has anyone attended a shaadi that had dholkis/mayoun during Ramadan? Like as a joint iftar type deal. I know the month is for ibadat so I feel weird asking this but...I'm curious. :S

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Med school & wedding

Seriously? Two months?! Members of the mirpuri community here they have a 10 day function which is equivalent to a dholki sessiom everyday before the wedding! And my friend got married recently and they only had two as she said nowdays no one has time! And your saying u need two months! Seriously lady! How many dholkis do u need?

Why cant you have a mayoun/mehndi on same day or just omit the mayoun all together and just do it at home its usually a girls function

And i wouldnt try and be cheeky and class a iftaar as a mayoun/dholki get together lol

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Re: Med school & wedding

^It isn't simply about the number of events. The issue is also about the time it takes to plan and schedule them so that most of your family and friends are able to attend. If your entire family and social circle lives near by or in the same town as you, then, yes, you can improvise and get everything sorted in a couple of days.

However, if your family lives far away or in another country, they may not be able to travel at the drop of a hat and will require prior notice so that they can take time off from work, if necessary, and make the necessary arrangements to attend. This can complicate things quite a bit, especially if you have a large family, making it necessary to have more time to plan things. I had this issue as most of my family lives in Denmark and while, in theory, it shouldn't take that long to get everything planned and sorted, the reality is quite different.

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Re: Med school & wedding

^What Mezhgan said. It's not about the number of events. There's a lot of logistics to keep in mind, especially for out of town guests. And prioritize given your limited time. Is mayoun an absolute must for you? If it is, you could perhaps get by with it on chaand raat given that everyone's in a festive mood. And the rest of the events after Eid.

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Re: Med school & wedding

Yeah the problem is that I don't live anywhere close to home atm so planning anything would involve giving my parents full control or waiting until I got home after boards (giving me the month--which would be Ramadan).

A mayoun isn't the end of the world, but considering I've always wanted to get married super traditional, it sucks I have to drop almost everything and just do the bare minimum. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter, but I wanted people's suggestions if they'd been in a similar situation so that I could salvage what I could.

I was thinking of doing the mayoun with the chand raat since I do that at my house every year anyways and there's usually dancing/festivities anyhow. That might actually work!

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Med school & wedding

I completely understand where you're coming from I had the exact same problem! I ended up getting married just after my 3rd year ended but I had to make a few compromises in terms of planning everything. Basically my family helped out loads and all my cousins were running around doing all the bookings and shopping etc all I did was choose my clothes and jewellery, they took care of the rest.

I think it depends on what you have your heart set on in terms of a decent wedding - if you prefer to be more hands on and plan things yourself, it will be difficult given the short space of time. I also think maybe compromise a few of the days/events. In my culture we don't really have mayoun we just do a mehndi, wedding day then walima as 3 consecutive days so it wasn't a problem, just meant I got more days after the wedding to spend with in laws which was better than the wedding itself and I'm glad I did it that way

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Re: Med school & wedding

thank you for sharing your experience. Yeah, I think at this point, being with my fiance is >>> so I'll figure something out. I just have to figure out a way to plan around Ramadan.

Anyone have any experience with having their wedding fall on Eid day?

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Re: Med school & wedding

Ramadan starts on 28th June this year (+/- a day) and Eid is probably on the 27th or 28th of July.I know it can vary a day here or there but you had a discrepancy of ten days..!!Thought I'd just mention...:)
Good luck with everything...!

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Re: Med school & wedding

OP, I just wanted to add that I know 2 girls who got married in the middle of residency….both desi. Heck one of the weddings was actually in India! However, with both girls, they weren't too involved in the wedding planning. They gave general input on things like the theme color, color of their outfits etc. But 99% of the planning/research etc. was done by their families. In fact, the girl that got married in India literally flew out there for 2 weeks (she & her fiancé were both residents in the U.S.), got married, and flew back. They even did their honeymoon months later.

So if you're ok not being involved in every little detail of the wedding & willing to allow your family/friends do a lot of the planning….then its definitely doable. :)

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Re: Med school & wedding

oh yeah, sorry...I must not have mentioned. Not THIS summer, but summer 2015. :)

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Re: Med school & wedding

ah that makes me feel MUCH better! :) I think I trust my parents enough to take care of the details and I guess I can have my mom go shopping for me in Pak (bummer...I always wanted to do that). Just gotta keep sight of the big picture! And pray Eid doesn't end up falling the wrong day. :S

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Re: Med school & wedding

^ Yep, if you want to continue doing well in your studies AND get married in the middle.....flying out to Pak to do the shopping yourself is something you'll need to let go. :)

The girl I knew who got married here the U.S., she got lucky b/c her older sister had gotten married 2 years earlier. So while watching/helping her sister go through the entire planning process, she already had a clear idea how she wanted her wedding to be. She/her parents also ended up choosing a lot of the same vendors for decoration, cake, catering, photography/video, makeup/hair etc. so that relieved her anxiety b/c she had already seen these vendors do the job 1st hand at her sister's wedding.

The other girl in India....she had 0 idea what her wedding was going to be like lol. She told her mom the colors she wanted for her outfits....that's it! Her parents (and his) arranged EVERY SINGLE DETAIL for the events in India. My hubby & I actually flew to India for this wedding. My friend/her fiancé flew to India 3 days before the events were about to start. The bride spent those 3 days finding out what the "schedule" was for the events, trying on the outfits, jewelry & talking to the MU/hair person her mom chose. They had a "welcome dinner", mehndi, shaadi/reception back to back in 3 days. Bride/groom stayed in India for 3-4 days afterwards just to rest and spend time with their immediate families. Then flew back to U.S. Although her parents/in-laws did an AMAZING job organizing everything....it wasn't the bride's dream wedding since many of the things weren't exactly her taste. But she stayed focused on the big picture and decided starting the marriage at that time was worth sacrificing getting "her way" when it came to the wedding.