Do you measure/evaluate other people’s actions through your own biases and/or intentions? Does that make you overly trusting or overly suspicious? Let me give you a real life example to explain what I mean.
I have a relative that I’m not on the best of terms with - lots of drama in the past. When I found out that they had a happy event coming up and they chose to include me, I was flattered and appreciative. I liked their gesture and thought it was sweet. I had another family who’s first reaction to the same situation was: what do they really want and how are they going to screw me over this time?
The difference between me and the family member is that: I trust easily and unless I see someone acting to hurt me, I give them the benefit of the doubt. I don’t automatically assume negative intentions. Now my family member is less trusting and they don’t give trust, they require it to be earned. They are suspicious and pessimistic.
So here’s the question - neither of us knows what motivated this relative - but I chose to be positive about it, and they chose to be negative. Is it fair/right/beneficial to measure other people’s actions based on our own perspective?
Re: Measuring others actions by our own intentions
^ Guac-y it does backfire at times. But I hate to be a negative-Nelly. I'd like to think the best of others, without expecting something for myself in return from them. Like, why can't I be happy when they're happy instead celebrating their misery, or being unhappy when they're happy?
Re: Measuring others actions by our own intentions
Yes you should be happy, I believe in that 100%. For me personally I think I have to watch out and not become too “chummy” just because they want to involve me for some unknown reason when we are not on the best of terms…not that whole I’m unhappy because they are happy …don’t know if that makes any sense
Re: Measuring others actions by our own intentions
Peace Sehrysh
History counts for a lot, but it is not as simple as trust vs distrust .... Even trust has levels ... Someone who has been horrible in the past can only be given a chance ... But that chance means full trust is not necessarily given ... Merely a cautious gesture for reassessment ...
It would be wiser to trust that person more who has consistently been good for your needs ...
But at the same time it is good to recognise an olive branch when it is being offered. Take it with caution but be civil about it ... Alas, be unaffected by those who do good to you and bad, but respond with kindness and wisdom ... And ask Him to protect you ...
Re: Measuring others actions by our own intentions
it depends on what they've done in the past... and how many times they've hurt me. If someone constantly does things to hurt me, then yes, id be weary. But if its just a once of things... we're ur having issues, but they invite you, I would be exceptionally happy.
Re: Measuring others actions by our own intentions
My motto is fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. It all depends on who the person is. While it is good to see the best in everyone, every now and then people do dumb things which make me doubt them. And if the next time they want to reach out, I put my guard up.
Re: Measuring others actions by our own intentions
My motto is fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.
That's a good motto in theory. However, in practical life, I don't follow this religiously. Sometimes I let myself be the fool if I know I am doing the right and good thing.
