OK I have a slight problemo.
Yesterday my mum and her ‘friend’ went to see a boy for me. Hes come over from pakistan to the UK to ‘study’ (lolz). I droppped them off at the home and my mum said she would ring me to come and pick them up. So about an hour and a half later I went to pick them up and the boys aunty came out of the house to call me in… I kept hesitating.. ‘nahi aunty blah blah’ but she insisted and I knew that guy would be there, so I gave in.
I walked into the room where my mum, her friend, the boy and his uncle where sitting and I quickly glanced at him and looked away. Straight away I didnt like him. The boys uncle had recently just re-married and the ‘nahi dhulan’ showed me the pictures where the guy was also in the pictures. I knew straight away that I didnt like him. He looked to… I dont know how to put it lightly… but he just looked to much like someone who had come from back home, i.e. a freshie.. loool.
I told my mum on the way home and has since been giving me the silence treatment and in the process said a couple of nasty things, you know how mothers can get. She hasnt talken to me at all today but I cant help how I feel. I’m just not attracted to him.I know I am being stubborn and a biootch but I cant help it… My mum says the family is wonderful the guy is tall, but I just didnt find him attractive.
dont feel guilty dear..u cant help it if ur not attracted to him..nd its not like u have naything else to go by..i take it u dont even wan tot try talking to him..so wat can u do
It may be time to have a nice long chat with your mom to explain the type of man you would like to marry.
That said...I should also point out that the only factors you considered were really very superficial - ie., how he dressed and that he looked like a freshie. What else do you know about him? For all you know, he may make the best husband and father on the planet and may well become more westernized than a westerner by the time he completes his studies.
When you meet one who you are instantly physically attracted to, would you just say yes? Without knowing what kind of husband/father he would make for you?
Those physical attractions inevitably fade. Personality traits, lifestyle, hopes and dreams do not.
You really need to have a heart-to-heart with your mom about all of this.
And also on ANY given day ANY given Frisehe would have more verstyle
personality then ANY given ABCD.
Unlike ABCD Freshie did not spend all his life sipping tea and watching indian movie at home...
And Unlike ABCDs Freshei did-not/Would-not spend all his social life to making him self look invisible to majority.
Great advice guys. I know I sound like such a biyaatch but what has hurt me the most is my mum. I dont understand why she isnt talking to me. What have I done wrong?? I only said that I didnt like him, but I'm being treated as though I have murdered someone. And ofcourse she used the classic line 'whoever our parents choose we went with it. never objected never disagreed'. and when your mum says that, you know you need to start fearing for your life. lool.
talk to your father...what does he say? your siblings if you have any? Because you are not attracted to this Guy does not mean that your mom should stop talking with you...
or maybe maybe...
does your mom owe them something and wants to 'trade' you? :D
fc...why not take the first step to open the comm. between you and your mom. ASK her..."Mom, why are you so angry at me over this? Cant we talk about it?"
Great advice guys. I know I sound like such a biyaatch but what has hurt me the most is my mum. I dont understand why she isnt talking to me. What have I done wrong?? I only said that I didnt like him, but I'm being treated as though I have murdered someone. And ofcourse she used the classic line 'whoever our parents choose we went with it. never objected never disagreed'. and when your mum says that, you know you need to start fearing for your life. lool.
Oh deja vu. LOL.
Many parents want to get their "farz" of getting their daugthers married as soon as possible (and the rishta process can take LONG enough as it is). It's the "waiting" that's frustrating for parents. The other frustration of your mom's could be that she probably felt that had you given him the chance....or gotten to know him as a person.....you'd become attracted to him. Although, we all know....there's no guarantee that would happen. Don't worry, you mom (like many desi moms) will cool down eventually. Unfortunately the silent treatement is like emotional blackmail becuase it puts pressure on a person and the last reason anyone should enter a marriage is out of pressure. Pray that you find someone compatible on all levels (physical, emotional, etc).
If you're not interested then you've done the right thing by letting your mum know. Afterall it is you that would have to marry him and spend your life with him; not your mother lol. Although, the best way to approach such matters would be as tactfully as possible :)
your mom may be annoyed for some good reasons which is why you really need to talk to her. If she has your best interests at heart and she knows that this guy is so much more and so much better than his initial appearance then this could be the reason why she's annoyed with you. If on the other hand, she has other motives on her mind - like a match for family or personal reasons with this guy and his family then a good, open chat with her should reveal it all to you.
Im sorry, but what made you lol when you said he came here to study...if he isnt studying, but thats what visa hes on, thats illegal.use that as a reason to you mom.
IF he did come to study, and he is, dont patronise him by laughing. maybe hes not that desperate to get married, a rishta is a rishta...he wont die, he`l get over it.
