Recently we had a death in our family, and one of the girls - a long distant cousin - was getting married.
Her grandfather died the night of her mehndi.
So engagement has already happened - it happened like 2-3 years ago.
One of the elders in the family commanded that since mayoon behti hai, they need to get married on schedule as planned. But since there is the death, all the wedding functions, the hall, the dresses, etc can’t be done. The nikkah must be done in a masjid - girl doesn’t wear anything fancy, just a plain shalwaar kameez, etc.
Now, when I heard this, I thought, okay…from what I understand you must bury the body and not mourn, so I’d think it would be okay to postpone the shaadi until right after the burial at least, and still hold it with all the events and prettiness planned.
But given that its the girl’s grandfather, okay, fine…maybe she could have postponed the wedding and still have had her dream wedding?
I detested the fact that some elder came in and made some decision like that when its not even her own wedding.
I detested the fact that no one thought of the option of just postponing the marriage - but rather the argument was that since the mehndi has happened, there can be no postponing of the wedding.
I feel so bad that she and her family spent so much money on dresses, on the hall, on all the catering and arrangements, and now not only is all that money gone to waste but this couple can’t have the wedding they wanted.
Have you guys ever heard of such a thing, and is this Islamic that the couple must get married if the girl is already at the Mayoon/Mehndi stage?
Mehndi/mayoon are cultural so it doesn't make sense that a couple must get married if the girl is in her mayoon/mehndi stage.
ok i understand her grandfather died but i agree with you, they should just postpone it since they've already spent so much money. if anything, i think it would be unislamic to waste your money.
According to sunnah, the mourning should only last like 3 days but offcourse its the stupid culture...n the comment about some elder making the decision is funny, isnt that ALL that happens in pakistan? even NOW about 80% of the marriages in pak are arranged where the couple hasnt even seen each other! The guys family goes n puts the ring on the girl and they call that engagement! Since i am not married to obaid i am not allowed to visit him at his house in pakistan! its ok with his parents and mine but wats the prob? the stupid culture! lol i can just go on so i will stop now
you know I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt that you and him came to visit me lol.
lets get together sometime and talk about our troubled cultures
one day when the lady (TJ) met this fellow (obaid)
And they knew it was much more than a hunch,
That these two would somehow form a family.
That's the way they became the TJ/Obaid Bunch.
i dont think the mehndi/mayoun have anytign to do wiht islam..its more of a cultural event than religious..when my brother was having his nikkah, someone passed away on my bbhabi's family the night of the mehndi..all they did was postpone the nikkah to like 2 months later (when the 40 days had passed)...no one had any problems wiht that in my fmaily..elders included..u shyoudl tell the dulhan and dulha to speak up for themselves if they want their dream wedding..othereise they will regret it for their life..the same thing happend to my mamoo...he had a simple nikkah ceremony (with the intent to have a large grandscale wedding the next year)..but by the time that rolled around my cousin had passed away (my other mamoos son)..and for that reason this mammo's wedding was a quiet one..even thoguth the bride got all decked up and stuff..it still wasnt the smae......
ive heard stuff like that. but they had the shaadi but had to postpone the vallima cus someone in their family was sick/ dying.
i hate it how all the elders make the decisions FOR EVERYONE!! why cant i run my own life. but my parents arent like that (hopefully) and it sucks cus i’ll never be an “elder” with my relatives. and i also hate it, when they dont listen to you when since your the younger one, ugh… and if someone older has the same idea they ALL go along with it.
sometimes my cousins just disgust me.
SAJAL obaid is t2 who now uses another ID hehe no i am not in love with three men its all one..we are actually engaegd not married but I like to think that we are hence i say hes my hubby :D well in a way we married(i think)
hehe congrats on ur enagagement with Obaid..
