But I’ve noticed that girls in an arranged marriage tend to treat their fiances as a boyfriend, if they happen to be one of the lucky few that can meet their to-be husbands before marriage. If they don’t, then the first month or two of marriage, the husband is treated like a boyfriend. Now, this is completely my opinion, but I think it’s because of this attitude, that a whole bunch of problems that we all tend to hear in Life1 and Wedding forum arise. Fiance and husband aren’t boyfriend. They’re termed differently for a reason.
Maybe it’s because they haven’t had proper contact with the opposite sex, they tend to just go all out when they do get engaged, and try to fulfill that fantasy that they’ve had, not realizing that where in a bf-gf relationship where some things are ignorable, they aren’t in a fiance/husband relationship. Where because of a certain situation it’s alright to break up with the bf, it isn’t in a fiance/husband relationship, and so a lot of things might be said or done which can completely mess up the future.
try to fulfill that fantasy that they've had, not realizing that where in a bf-gf relationship where some things are ignorable, they aren't in a fiance/husband relationship. Where because of a certain situation it's alright to break up with the bf, it isn't in a fiance/husband relationship, and so a lot of things might be said or done which can completely mess up the future
that is correct....... they want the 'experience' but can't differentiate.....the boundaries are blurred...... girls tend to mix up what is a bf, fiance, husband.......
they want the
'fun' of having a bf
'appropriateness' of a fiance
'commitment' of a husband........
I don't think its a husband/Boyf thing - if your starting a relationship - its all fresh and new and you are giddy and excited. When you get used to it - its old and the norm.
Its human nature - think of a child with a new toy, he'd treat it with care then after a while - he wants the fire truck... JOKE but its a similiar analogy.
that is correct....... they want the 'experience' but can't differentiate.....the boundaries are blurred...... girls tend to mix up what is a bf, fiance, husband.......
they want the
'fun' of having a bf
'appropriateness' of a fiance
'commitment' of a husband........
That's true--but then what's the solution? We're not allowed to have boyfriends, we're not allowed to meet with men or have male freinds....So how are women supposed to know how to act around men.
It's easy to follow the big rules--dont hit your spouse, dont' cheat on them etc but marriage is made up of many more things, all little things that pile up and create a big mess if not taken care of soon.
murgi: don't forget hte opposite...the girls who have boyfriends and treat htem like husbands..i..e, put up with lots of garbage and abuse because they're dating them!
That's true--but then what's the solution? We're not allowed to have boyfriends, we're not allowed to meet with men or have male freinds....So how are women supposed to know how to act around men.
BTW the Same applies to boys too.....don't have girlfriends..not allowed to meet girls or have female friends... and i know some guys have this issue too...living out the 'being in love' experience or something...
the solution is for parents/society to educate their daughters that the 'love story' of a bf/gf as instilled by media conditioning is NOT something really 'healthy'....... somehow the 'prince charming' thing is set in their minds early on and i see that it doesn't leave their head well into adulthood...... and i have seen cases where girls did mess up/got used/hurt etc........only because in their hope of getting the fantasy fulfilled they attach themselves too much to a person who is NOT their husband.......they put themselves out there completely to a person who is not yet comitted to them..... and unfortunately the parents did warn the girls but the belief in 'love' causes them to act immature.......
the other common issue is.....'when he was a fiance/bf he was good..now he is not'........again....they need to be somehow made aware of the fact that 'husband' is different from a bf/fiance......as mentioned by murgi...
well why can't they be treated the same. Point is, we all want a secure happy relationship with whoever we want to be with... so all three can be the same except marriage is a real commitment, while engagement and dating is not really a promise for the future.
