So I just found out about tis and it blew my mind how this happened
There were two first cousins, one in pakistan, one in the usa. The usa one couldn’t have any children, so she told the one in pakistani to find a baby to adopt. The pakistani one did, a little girl who was a few months old, to give to her. For whatever reason, the usa one changed her mind. And therefore didn’t want the child anymore. This child is unrelated to anyone in the family btw.
So, the pakistani one decides to keep her as the baby had no where else to go/out of the goodness of her heart, raises her as her own. She had 4 kids of her own, 2 boys, 2 girls, with this adopted one the youngest. She grew up calling her elder brothers and sisters, bhai and baji.
The adopted girl just got married to one of the “bhai” the other day.
Omg !! Im mortified.. is this normal to happen? Granted, they aren’t blood related bro and sis, but come one, they grew up respecting that relation since she was a baby. And now instead of bhai, she calls him miyan???!??
I am not an expert , but according to my limited knowledge you can marry ANYONE as long as there is no direct blood relation between the two persons. It’s legal.
in Islam, there is NO adoption as we know it…adoption doesn’t make him/her your brother/sister. there are relationships mentioned in Qur’aan that one can NOT marry…everyone else is allowed.
Islam allows Muslims to take care of a child and pay for his/her sustenance but doesn’t allow to get inheritance…so, in order to protect the rights of one’s spouse and children, Islam prohibited adoption.
btw, adopted relationships are NOT maHram as well and Islamic parda protocols must be adhered to.
Then it isn’t weird at all. People call each other bhai or behn to show respect. Just because someone calls me bhai doesn’t mean I’m her bhai. I think it’s less weird than marrying a cousin who you grew up with (cousins living under the same roof, join family system and all).
so, a blood relative such as a cousin, whom you grow up under the same roof is more wierd than a nonrelative, growing up under the same roof (as brother and sister) to get married to
Would you call it weird if two people grew up together in the foster care system ended up marrying each other.
Why do you think it’s weird? The only reason I see, for people not marrying close relatives, is the increased risk of having kids with disabilities. There is no such risk increase in the case you mentioned. The risk goes from 2.5% to 5% when comparing offspring of unrelated couples and first cousin couples. That’s why I say marrying cousins might be considered weirder.
You can raise someone else’s child but you cannot give them your name and laws of inheritance will vary as well. The Prophet SAWS married the wife of his adopted son after the couple divorced. So he was like a father-in-law and she was like a daughter-in-law. “Like” does not equate to a blood relation. If Islam allows marriage between blood relations…such as cousins (and only cousins)…then anything “lesser” than blood would then also be permissible, no?
I can understand that some people would find it difficult to accept marrying someone that you literally grew up under the same roof with. But perhaps there is good in this rishta. If this lady’s family wholeheartedly accepted her into their family…then her adopted daughter is marrying someone who (hopefully) expects nothing of her and will continue to treat her with kindness and respect as he’s been used to…which ate traits that can be lacking in the more socially more accepted marriages of today. If the Prophet’s SAWS marriage in the above example is halal, then I’m assuming this kind of marriage would also be permissible…but you can verify that as I’m not an aalim. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but if it’s halal and if nobody was coerced and both parties went about this willingly and are happy…then let them be. Maybe this girl’s adoptive mother feared that she might be mistreated by her in-laws if she had married outside the “family.” You’d be surprised at the things in-laws can pick on you for. My cousin used to get seizures and her MIL would taunt her about it. So, it could even have been a protective measure on their part..combined with an understanding between this girl and the guy. She’s very blessed MashaAllah to have a family that loves her so much.
For all we know, they may never have had a thorough bhai-behn dynamics despite calling each other “bhai/baji/etc etc.” It does happen that people within the same family, same class…who see each every day or often enough…can fall for each other. And as Saeed mentioned earlier, in our culture people call each other bhai all the time…and it isn’t necessarily a solidified thing.
I think the biological relationship is more important than how they were raised. I can tell you what would be weird, a brother and sister sharing the same dad, not knowing they’re related, getting married to each other. Them being raised as siblings or not has no bearing on the weirdness of the situation.
That said, I think the state shouldn’t interfere with such couples(biological siblings) as long as one of them is sterile or they’re a same sex couple. It might seem weird but who are we to judge if they’re not ruining anyone’s life.
