I see people saying that a person shouldn’t marry while he doesn’t have a proper job or isn’t settled down. The reasoning given is that if he is settled down then he won’t have to struggle financially and get unneeded stress on him and his wife.
But say he isn’t settled down, marries and struggles with his wife woudnt that make a couple closer i.e. considering that they would have had to go throught tough times together?
I personally go for the former view but am curious as to any peoples’ expereinces here as to how hard was it to marry when not being properly settled down
(For all who say Shak floods suck on this serious post )
Yes I do think they get closer when they “grow” together … they have more appreciation for each other when they’ve seen their spouse struggle so much… but its still more practical to get married when you are sure you won’t have any difficulties taking care of the expenses i.e. when u have secured a job
(For all who say Barbie floods, suck on this awesome post )
rizq is written, if you meet someone you can live with forever don't judge him on his income/house/bank balance. As long as he can provide for you and roof over your head then the rest can all come later.
rizq is written, if you meet someone you can live with forever don't judge him on his income/house/bank balance. As long as he can provide for you and roof over your head then the rest can all come later.
I don't really like the thought of instability and uncertainty, so I guess he'd have to be at least secure in a job. He doesn't have to be earning the big bucks, but having a steady and secure job is a must for me. That being said, the same rule applies for myself, I wouldn't get married until I had a secure job either.
i do believe in the "grow together" part. I will be working after shadi while he will be looking for job (his masters will end in September and we are getting married in November, Nikkahed already). When we talk about the equality of men and women, then what difference does it make who works and who doesnt (although its for a short time). Although my husband was against the idea and wanted to delay the marriage until he was stable but I am looking forward to being the man of the house for a few days :)
For me money and financial status is not everything. Otherwise i would not have found such a nice sweet man who is so much better than the previous rishtas i considered who had jobs and money.
I think it depends on the couple who is getting married.. whether they have the patience to wait and get settled down together. My husband migrated from pakistan whre he had a very high end job and moved here basically finding nothing even close to what he did there. We got married and really struggled because I was working and he was going to school however we still managed to make it alhumdulliah. I won't say it was the easiest time but it was manageable. Now that he is very close to being done alhumdulliah he will get a great job and we will settle down together. Sometimes one should consider other qualities other than money in their husband. I am not saying go out and marry anyone but in my case my parents saw how hard working and educated my husband is and that's what I considered his strenght and insallah he will be able to provide for his family and make us all proud!
I do believe in only marrying if a person has a job or can afford his own place as thats the usual view and in this thread too.
I was just curious as to people who don't follow that line of thought usually give the reaonsing of 'growing close'. Lady Gaga wouldn't he find it stressful looking for a job right after marriage? And you mean the woman of the house :p
Yes Shak.. as i said he was against the idea of marrying without a job, but i believe it doesnt matter. I will try and make sure he doesnt feel stressed while looking for jobs. He is already applying to many companies, if he is lucky he might get one now. I alhamdulilah make enough money that we can easily survive until he is on his own feet inshallah. He has a bright future so No stress no worries.
When my husband came from PK to settle here with me...he was very lazy....didn't wanted to work fulltime...the money he earned he wanted to send to his parents....UNfortunally at the time he came here I lost my job...So he wasn't a very understanding patient husband....He couldn't understand the costs....said that we should sell our house and rent a room....etc etc....even he could pay all the costst with his salary but he didn't wanted....for him it was more important to send money back home..I don't have any objection...But living miserable here to send money there?? Even his family couldn't wait to get his money....when he received his first salary (he was working partime) he wanted to send the half....WTF I thought.....it better to settle our life first then we can send them money...let the money circle start...than u can do whatever you want with your salary...But my dear husband couldn't wait that long...has been mentally disturbing me for months...I became very sick...
Now my husband cares a lot for me...Loves me a lot....He wants to do everything that makes me happy....
But I can't forget the things that happened....Sometimes I love him...Sometimes I really hate him...he never supported me in though times.....no job...very sick....made me mentally sick.....I cried a lot....soo much that I finally decided to quit this relationship....then he realized that he was behaving bad to me...my health was going afterwards....day by day....Yeah he never could send money to PK coz he finally started to realize that to live here you should work....he is not their only son......one of his bro doens't work..and don't want to work.....His other brother works but not enough....doens't earn enough as a partimer...
Now I have a fulltime job....enjoying my time at my work....try to fitness....coz of the pain in my tummy I can't do it regular....doing things that make me happy....and yeah husband tries to make me happy all the time!!! I can't believe he changed!!!
Now he still doens't has money to send backhome...coz he wants his driving license now...and we like to go out for weekends....he keeps 50% of his salary for himself....His family had no patience..I really hate them for making me so sick....coz of them my husband was behaving miserable to me...No he couldn't use his own head....My husband isn't very educated....he lived 10 years in another country without his family...all the money he earned he never saved for himself...
So that;s why I think it's better to marry to someone who is settled.......
totally depends on what do you think "settle" is. If guy earn enough to fulfill basic needs and has bright future due to his skills and education, there is no harm in getting married but If guy himself is getting pocket money from daddy, stay away. Hard times normally strengthens the bond and not break it.
If by settle you mean guy with 25k+ saving account, a decent car and a condo, good luck!
***I think it has more to do with what a couple's expectations are of each other and how far they fulfill those expectations that helps them grow closer.
Settling down is all about knowing what your getting yourself into and how far you are prepared to go to make a success of it.
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