Does this still go on much outside Pakistan/Bangladesh/India? Would u do it if ur parents asked?
My parents got married this way around 30 years ago (they were both given the choice of meeting and talking but** said no!) but in hindsight now say that it was a ‘stupid’ thing to do (my Dad’s words not mine lol he is 100% happy but he says it was a huge gamble). My Mum says she would never have said ‘no’ or questioned her parents about him as she didn’t want to offend them and that she trusted them completely. When I asked her ‘what about compatibility and if u don’t get on?’ she said that wasn’t really an issue as she had been taught that whatever the man was like it was her job to adjust to him accordingly which I think is kinda sad :(.
Islamically you’re encouraged to see the person before u marry them (with wali/guardian present which not many of us do now) to make sure you’re compatible and u don’t find them hideous so obviously it’s a cultural practice when girls and boys marry without ever meeting. Some parents/relatives say ‘oh I met him/her and they are nice’ but what does ‘nice’ mean? A lot of the men my parents would say were ‘nice’ were boring and uninteresting to me (and they might say the same about me lol) and conversely a lot of men I thought were ‘nice’ (looks-wise and personality) my parents thought were awful. Would u trust ur parents to choose who u were to marry and would u go along with it without meeting ur fiance if they said that was their decision and their right and that was the end of it?
Last year of my distant relatives in India with **huge desire **to migrate to the west, decided to marry one of their sons to a girl from australia. It was an arranged marriage and the first time they met was at marriage.
After marriage, it was discovered that the girl is mentally not all there....
Last year of my distant relatives in India with **huge desire **to migrate to the west, decided to marry one of their sons to a girl from australia. It was an arranged marriage and the first time they met was at marriage.
After marriage, it was discovered that the girl is mentally not all there....
It's a nightmare to marry someone you don't even know! How do you get away with "first" night?
I could never sleep with someone I'd just met a few hours before and prob not even spoken to properly, actually even spending the night with a 'stranger' in his house with all his family would be too weird for me. I mean the whole coming out of his room the next morning and people wondering if we had done 'it' would make me cringe...
You don't have to know everything about the person to marry them. But without meeting them even once is a bit too extreme and not very smart in this day and age - where we see men around us everywhere and shouldn't be prevented from seeing the Dulha.
^^ I just meant the funny looks the couple get when they come out of their room after their first night together. One of my uncles only met his wife once before they got married and I felt so sorry for her having to come and stay with all of us (we all flew over for the wedding and stayed in one house) when she hardly knew us. We had guests come over specially just to 'see' her and u could tell she was really uncomfortable. I know a lot of girls like the thought of being a part of a whole new family and getting to know everyone but imo it's kinda like being 'thrown into the deep end' rather than getting to know hubby a bit first and letting the friendship and everything else develop and slowly easing into becoming part of the family. If girls (or boys) prefer doing it the traditional way good for them, just with me personally it would be hard.
i got engaged without meeting my husband.we talked over phone n via emails but i actually saw him two days b4 ur nikkah bt it was like already too late for such meeting as everything was already decided.One thing he did good was arranged the 1st two nights in a fancy hotel.So the start was really memorable.He however respected my decision of not jumping into sexual intimacy right away n that gav us some good chance to come close as a couple.
But its my belief, that you cannot know a person unless you have lived with them. Now, now..dont pounce on me…you meet for like an hour or 2, how much do you REALLY think you get to know them??..they can tell you something to make you believe them, but ..what am i saying…
unless you are engaged for like years, you still dont know them. At the end of the day, whatever happens WILL happen…
Thought it was an interesting post- most can't imagine not knowing the guy, but you know if you think about it... lets say the girl doesn't know the guy, but she knows she's getting engaged/married, and I'm sure she's seen a picture and/or heard lots of things about him. Before she gets married, even though she doesn't know him per se, she would probably have a tremendous emotional attachment to the guy, so even though it's like they're strangers, they already have feelings for each other (if both parties are genuinely interested). You can't think of it in the way that they don't know anything about each other and they're "total strangers". My parents first met at their engagement, and no contact till the wedding; it was very common back then. it's unthinkable now because you probably have already interacted with guys near your age at school/college/work so you probably think, "how cani know these guys more than my to-be husband?"
I see ur point and ur right a lot of things u can only find out after marriage when ur living with them but beforehand even if u only have just a short arranged meeting as u chat to each other u can see if u ‘click’ and if u have enough in common ie. the foundations to build a relationship on, for example I’m quite liberal in my thinking and a lot of men might not like that, they would guess I was that way just by speaking to me for half an hour or an hour or so and conversely if I had a meeting with a man who was quite rigid and believed a wife should not go out to work or ever go out without his permission something like that I would find that out quite quickly.
I never went thru the arranged marriage meetings but my brother did with over a dozen girls. He would go along to their house with my parents or sometimes they would come to ours and the two would be left alone to talk and they’d know after just half an hour if they wanted to pursue things or not and if they were compatible or just too different. Apart from all the differing viewpoints on things sometimes he would say ‘oh, she’s way too quiet’ and he would prefer someone more chatty or other times the conversation would be awkward and it would be obvious that the two didn’t have any ‘spark.’ As well as the attraction thing you do get a certain idea of a person’s personality even from a fairly short meeting.
think you get to know them??..they can tell you something to make you believe them, but 
..what am i saying…
